Title: "Mulder & Krycek Interview"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Date: November 1, 2008
Air Date: November 10, 2008
Rating: PG-13
Series: FRVS - Episode #H01
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Mulder and Krycek are interviewed during the 2008 FRVS Hiatus.
REPORTER: Another delay in the tenth season of “Fox & Rat” has been announced. How does that make you feel?
KRYCEK: I’m enjoying an expanded vacation.
MULDER: I understand. Writing is so difficult and they need the time to make it right, and I'm in full support of that. I feel a little disappointed that the character's lives are kind of stuck, but that's okay because the writers are working hard to put things in motion.
KRYCEK: They suck anyway, so when I take over “Fox & Rat” it’ll become “The Chronicles of Alex Krycek”. And who’s idea was it to put “Fox” first anyway. Geez.
REPORTER: What do you do with your time off from the series?
MULDER: I try to work with the writers to develop story lines and characterizations to progress the stories.
KRYCEK: I’m a ladies man all the way. Skinner, Spender... they just don’t compare to me. I mean, I da man. And that’s another thing that is totally missing from last season. I didn’t once say “I da man”. I mean, how dumb is that? That’s like my signature line and they totally... totally... Ugh. How distasteful of them. I mean… I da man, I da man, I da man. I can’t say it enough. The fans want it. They need it. I da man.
Mulder shakes his head into his hands and lets out an irritated sigh.
REPORTER: Ok. Anyway... you two are still “roomies” while not filming the series. How is that going for you?
MULDER: I want a new place.
KRYCEK: I love it. I freeload and mooch off of him. And it’s just like living the dream, you know? They don’t pay worth >>>BEEP<<< on the show and that’s really crappy so I live off of Mulder and it’s just... he’s wonderful and giving and caring and really does his best to please me and pamper me.
Mulder shakes his head negating what Krycek is saying.
KRYCEK: And I just think its great and wonderful because he understands that I da man.
Krycek winks at the reporter in an effort to wink at his “fan base”.
REPORTER: Fox-
MULDER: -Uh... I even made my parents call me Mulder.
REPORTER: Sorry. Mulder, you’re here shaking your head to negate everything that Krycek is saying.
MULDER: Yeah, he’s full of shit.
Krycek looks appalled.
MULDER: I mean, the guy makes me ill sometimes. And I don’t just mean his awful cooking skills, I mean he makes out with himself in the mirror.
REPORTER: Does he get along well with the women on the show or-
KRYCEK: Of course they do. I live the dream. They all love and adore me. And really... look at me. What’s not to love? I’m so da man.
MULDER: Actually, Scully tells me she gets sick of seeing you drop coins and drop to the ground next to her to look up her skirt. Perv.
KRYCEK: I have butterfingers. I drop stuff all the time near the ladies. You know, Monica... (he nods his head as if saying “I da man”) she actually winks at me and we make out in her dressing room before takes.
MULDER: No you don’t.
KRYCEK: Yes, we do.
MULDER: No you don’t.
KRYCEK: Yes. We do.
MULDER: No.
KRYCEK: YES!
MULDER: No, please stop playing this game.
KRYCEK: What game? I da man. Women everywhere adore me.
MULDER: Not these women.
KRYCEK: They don’t know what they’re missing.
REPORTER: So you are confirming that there is some tension, not sexually based, between you and the women on set?
Krycek looks up at the ceiling pretending not to hear.
KRYCEK: So... My Marita Lynn so fair and so sweet.
MULDER: Marita hates him.
KRYCEK: She knocks me off my feet.
MULDER: The love scenes she has to do with him... hates the writers for that shit.
KRYCEK: So beautiful and kind-
REPORTER: -Last season ended with a cliffhanger with time travel. Where do you think the writers are going?
MULDER: Have no clue. They probably have no idea too, which is why this delay happened. Actually, I think they want to keep that a big hush-hush secret. Knowing one of those writers, someone will die.
KRYCEK: The whole time travel thing is perfect because I go back in time, get my precious, luscious good young looks and become the ruler of the world. You see, Krycek’s the kind of guy to use this whole time travel thing to his own advantage and it’s awesome. Because he can get his vanity back, he can take out pretty much anyone who gets in his way and it’s just the most perfect plot line ever invented for his character. I’m in love with it. And I really think Krycek and Marita are going to have this totally sexy, naked reunion.
REPORTER: Mulder. Of the women on the series heading into season ten, which one do you think Mulder may get romantically involved with? Or... which one do you want the writers to hook you up with?
MULDER: Golly.
Mulder blushes and Krycek rolls his eyes.
KRYCEK: He should get it on with everyone. I mean, the guy needs to get laid more than me.
MULDER: That’s rude. I think the Mulder character is very sensitive and caring and pretty much is loved by everyone on their own levels. But the thing is, is that he’s kind of in mourning. I mean, before the aliens he was involved with Ms. Kim Cook who died, and he’s really touched tragically by that. He’s a tragic character who will sacrifice for the greater good of man kind. So I don’t know – at least I don’t think – there are any plans for him to be in a romantic relationship in the final season. But I would like to get a little love scene or something with Monica. Mulder has a thing for brunettes.
KRYCEK: So long as they don’t bring Diana Fowl-mouth back from the dead. Krycek really hates her.
REPORTER: What about Krycek, are there any plans for him to get involved with someone? He thinks Marita is dead...
MULDER: I’ve heard that some fans of “Fox & Rat” are really pulling for Alex and I to hook up.
KRYCEK: I’m not gay punk! Actually, Krycek’s endless love is Marita. And as I said before there are plans for a sexy, naked, perverted reunion with Alex and Marita. And I really think the fans want to see that more than really anyone cares about the alien colonization and human survival stories.
REPORTER: We’ll start with Mulder on this one. If you could write an episode in the final season, what would it be like?
MULDER: Well, Super Buddies would definitely make a come back. I think Mulder is the hero in that respect that he would talk with the aliens and they’d become Super Buddies and all happiness would be restored. And that would solve the problem of aliens killing people and all that mass hysteria that they caused, and universal peace would become through out the entire galaxy and beyond. And I think that would be really nice. And I think I’d also like to see a little bit of “Star Wars” jokes, like maybe Fox and Alex fly a UFO and discover the Death Star.
REPORTER: And Alex, what about you?
KRYCEK: Well I have to agree with him about the “Star Wars” stuff. I mean, we just love that saga to pieces and I really think it would great and even beneficial to the series. “Star Wars” aside, I think I’d like to have Krycek become king and get all the ladies and see him kill all those aliens and all the bad guys that get in the way of his character like Knowle and Doggett. Pretty much I’d like to write the finale where Krycek is the hero, because he really is if you think about it. After all, he is “da man”.
REPORTER: Which male character do you enjoy working with and why?
KRYCEK: Knowle Rohrer. Since season 7 I’ve developed this kind of... how do you put this... Man Crush on the guy. I mean, he’s everything I wish I could be. At the beginning we didn’t have many scenes at all, and now security got tired of removing me from the sets, his dressing room, his trailer on location, and pretty much everywhere so they just started to add me to his scenes and it’s been awesome. It just became ridiculous to hide my feelings and affection for Knowle. I mean, he’s my biggest Man Crush since David Hasselhoff.
There is an awkward silence that lasts a few moments.
KRYCEK: Sorry, Em.
REPORTER: Mulder?
MULDER: Yeah... um. I really enjoy working with Skinner. He’s funny, he jokes, he proposes, and he’s an all around great person to work with... sometimes. Though the addition of Doggett and Follmer, and Rohrer have been just awesome to work with. Lot’s of fun. We all get along and hang out and shoot pool, a lot of great time away from Alex.
KRYCEK: You know what sucks? The ladies always oogle over Knowle. I mean, I get it but it makes me uncomfortable when I’m oogling over him and so are they. They also find that Dogg Man hot too. I don’t get that. They’ll stare at him and not me when we’re in the same room as the ladies. I mean, what do Knowle and Dogg Man have that I don’t.
MULDER: I don’t think you want to ask that.
REPORTER: Next question... which male or female celebrity would you like to see guest star in the upcoming season of “Fox & Rat”?
KRYCEK: I hate Brad Pitt. He guest starred years ago and was such a jock. He got to make out with Monica, the bastard. Actually I’d love for Paris Hilton to guest star and be the woman that Krycek sleeps with to make him remember who he is. Like all of his memories come back and he throws up all over her and then just runs – like Forest Gump – back to wherever in time Marita is.
MULDER: Patrick Swayze. He’s battling cancer now and I think to have him guest star on the show would be amazing. He’s such a talent and I just love him. One of our own characters – Scully – is fighting cancer and I think it would be great to maybe have him come in and be a hero for her to look up to.
REPORTER: Let’s talk about Scully. She is battling cancer and there’s been rumors that she may be killed off before the series ends. Is there any truth to these rumors?
KRYCEK: Yes. I wrote a scene that they’re going to use where Krycek finds her and she’s sick and he kills her by jabbing one of those ice picks into her neck, you know, thinking she’s a shape-shifting alien, and naturally this causes drama between me and Doggett in which I’ll actually pee my pants because Doggett is so >>>BEEP<<< intense and intimidating and anyway by the end of that particular episode there’s a parade where everyone has set up shop and I’m a hero because it turns out that Scully’s cancer was actually this alien retro-virus that was going to jump out and take over everyone including myself and we couldn’t have my character die. I have yet to take this episode to Kristi and Cassie, and I think after I strip to “Forever Your Girl”, yes, by Paula Abdul, that they’ll give me the green light for this episode to be a part of their series. I’m quite confident with that.
MULDER: I’m sorry, I forget the question he rambled so much.
REPORTER: Is there any truth to the rumors that Scully will be killed?
MULDER: Anything can happen, but I don’t know. I mean, it’s a high probability if Kristi writes it. I’ve sat in on some meetings with the writers and she’s always the one to bring up death, murder, and what not. So I think anything goes.
KRYCEK: Plus Scully has told me that she’s been getting offers for roles to star in upcoming new television series and I think she should take them so that I’m more likely to be the only character left standing at the end of “Fox & Rat” and the show can then transform into “The Chronicles of Alex Krycek”.
Krycek pauses a moment, seemingly in thought.
KRYCEK: Reporter? If you had the chance to beat up Michael Phelps and steal his eight Olympic gold medals from the Beijing, Japan Olympics, would you?
REPORTER: No.
KRYCEK: I would.
MULDER: Beijing is in China, Alex.
KRYCEK: I said that punk. It’s not like I flunked geology.
MULDER: Geography.
REPORTER: One final question before I let you two go. What do you think the series finale episode should be titled?
KRYCEK: “The Beginning of the Chronicles of Alex Krycek”.
MULDER: “The End” because the series first episode is titled “The Pilot”. It makes it feel full circle. I like that.
REPORTER: Thank you for your time. We’re all anticipating the return of “Fox & Rat” in February 2009.
MULDER: You’re welcome.
KRYCEK: Yeah, and just remember that I da man.
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