Title: "Rohrer, Reyes & Comer Interview"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Date: December 1, 2008
Air Date: December 1, 2008
Rating: PG-13
Series: FRVS - Episode #H04
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Rohrer, Reyes and Comer are interviewed during the 2008 FRVS Hiatus.
REPORTER: We’re back after a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, joined by Monica Reyes, Knowle Rohrer and Robert Comer. Thank you for joining us.
They all say their “thanks for having us” murmurs.
REPORTER: First let’s start off with the question everyone is dying to know.
The Reporter looks at Monica and Knowle.
REPORTER: Who won Backyard Bowl this time around? Team Up Your Ass or Team Whoop Your Ass?
Monica smiles.
KNOWLE: We’re called Team Whoop Your Ass for a reason.
MONICA: John and Shan’ gave it their all.
KNOWLE: But as usual, it’s never enough.
Comer laughs.
COMER: I rode my bike through the game trying to distract Whoop Your Ass to give Up Your Ass a chance.
REPORTER: So you’re into motorcycles?
COMER: Bikes, without motors. You know like Lance Armstrong, just not athletic. I have a horn on the front handlebars. I honk at Dana when I see her leaving the grocery store every weekend.
MONICA: That’s kind of creepy.
COMER: John doesn’t know it’s me. He always gets this look on his face when I do it.
Comer, squints his eyes and tries his best to imitate the John Doggett Stink Eye.
Knowle laughs.
KNOWLE: That’s pretty good.
MONICA: He’s missing the John Doggett Nose Wrinkle.
Comer alters his face and wrinkles his nose.
MONICA: Yeah, like that.
KNOWLE: He’d hate us for making fun of him.
COMER: It’s funny as hell because he’s paranoid or something.
Knowle laughs again.
MONICA: I still think it’s creepy.
KNOWLE: Does he think you’re a paparazzo or something? (beat, cocks his eyebrow) Now you don’t go after taking her picture do you? Scum like that deserves to have my fist intercept their face.
COMER: No, no, no… I’m not taking pictures. I’m just scaring John.
Monica laughs.
Krycek pokes his head behind the three of them and snaps a picture of Knowle.
KNOWLE: I sense that little pee-wee.
He starts eyeing the studio looking for the little dweeb.
MONICA: He’s behind you.
Knowle turns and gives him a Death Stare. Krycek scurries off.
REPORTER: Before our time is up I have a few questions regarding this past season of “Fox & Rat” and the upcoming season.
KNOWLE: Shoot.
REPORTER: I think the obvious question for readers of – what the cool kids call – FRVS is who Monica will fall in love with now that Brad is dead. On one hand she’s got Knowle-
KNOWLE: Shoot. (he looks down at the ground) I think I lost my cell phone.
In the background Alex Krycek giggles as he surfs around through Knowle’s phone book and changes his ring tone to the theme song of “The Smurfs”.
REPORTER: On one hand she’s got Knowle who helped her considerably after she was released from the Facility, and on the other hand she’s got Comer and there’s a history between them that FRVS readers don’t yet know. Would any one of you like to elaborate as best you can on this?
MONICA: Obviously I’m a really lucky woman.
She smiles.
MONICA: Alex has your phone Knowle.
Knowle looks back at Krycek and leaves his chair to retrieve his personal belongings.
MONICA: I’m not exactly sure how to answer your question Mr. Reporter. I think it all comes down to whether or not I get away from the hands of the aliens in the upcoming season.
COMER: Knowle’s a very busy man, that much I know for sure. He’s kind of becoming the leader type of the group he’s with. So I think I have a good chance.
Knowle comes back, pocketing his cell phone and sits down.
KNOWLE: I’m the kind of guy who tends to over work, becoming obsessed with a mission so I think the chances of Monica ending up with Comer are good. However, there’s a history that many don’t know about and I hope we get to explore that with them... and who knows, maybe once that story is revealed I’ll be the guy with the upper hand.
He winks.
Krycek hobbles over and pulls up a chair next to Knowle.
KRYCEK: Actually, it’s a well known fact in the writers room that Knowle and I are going to end up romantically involved with each other in The Chronicles of Alex Krycek. I mean, we’re so meant to be in this cosmic kind of way. It’s hard to explain but I think that the Force may be involved in our connection. It’s a Vadar/Obi Wan thing. Where Knowle is Vadar – actually Anakin – and I’m Obi Wan. In ways I guess that means that Knowle learns a lot from me, I am his master.
KNOWLE: I refuse to continue with this interview until he is removed from the room.
He crosses his arms across his chest and stares down the Reporter.
Behind them SUDDENLY we see John Doggett pushed out from behind an open door, someone’s hands have pushed, and shoved him into view.
DOGGETT: No! You take care of him! He’s your son!
Scully steps out and kicks his butt gently.
SCULLY: If you’re ever going to marry me you have to learn how to deal with him, John.
DOGGETT: Where’s that book? The pocket size manual care thing for Krycek?
SCULLY: Just do it your way, it’ll work. I promise.
Doggett gives her a look and reluctantly struts into the room and glares down Krycek.
KRYCEK: I mean sometimes when I gaze up at the moon and the stars I think about Han and Leia and wonder if they had kids and if they did maybe I’m like Lonestar in “Spaceballs”, and I’m their baby prince. I think Han and Leia are my real mom and dad. Which probably means that Knowle is their son too and maybe we’re twins.
Krycek puts his arm around Knowle’s shoulders and hugs him.
KRYCEK: It’s uncanny how much we look alike.
MONICA: Alex if you don’t get out of here Knowle’s going to kill you.
Knowle’s face is red with anger.
John picks Krycek up by the back of his “Dong Sleeping” (with an arrow pointing down) T-shirt.
KRYCEK: Hey! Who’s scruffy looking’?!
DOGGETT: I’m going to take you out back and show you how Marines grow up to be men.
KRYCEK: I’m gonna pee aren’t I?
Doggett drags him out of the room.
REPORTER: I hate these people. Anyway... now that the room is cleared of that stupid piece of – AHEM. Anyway... let’s move on to our next question. If you could rewrite an episode or plot line from the series, what would it be and what would you do to change it?
COMER: I’d be in the series earlier. Maybe have an actual season with some of the people who joined later in the run and see what they were doing back during the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, you get the point seasons. Maybe what I would do for my character’s introduction would be to go back to season five when Monica joined the series officially, and be with her on the car drive to Virginia. We’d be engaged and then she’d be with me while facing her feelings for Brad and Knowle. In the end her decision as to who she wants to marry would come out. We’d turn into the main characters of the show.
KNOWLE: I think it’d be cool see how your character, Robert, got a dishonorable discharge from the USMC. That’s some shady stuff there.
Scully pokes her head in.
SCULLY: John wanted me to make sure you guys know that he isn’t really being mean to Alex and beating him up, he’s lecturing him on etiquette for interviews. (she pauses and thinks) Something I should look into.
She disappears.
KNOWLE: Anyway... For my character I don’t think I’d really re-write anything about him, but I’d like to see stories with him and his friend, Ray Douglas, with whom he worked in Special Forces. I don’t think we’ve really touched a lot on that aspect of my character. I think it would be really neat because its part of what made my character the way he is. It’s what makes him obsess over completing a mission and as we’ll see in the upcoming season, he is obsessed with protecting – in a mission sort of attitude – the people that he is traveling with. Oh, and I’d like to get the girl too.
He smiles.
REPORTER: And Monica?
MONICA: I’d like to go back to season five and have my character go on a date with Mulder.
She laughs.
MONICA: Apparently I’ve got a thing for guys with the last name that end with “er”: Follmer, Comer, Rohrer, Mulder, Skinner, Spender... wait I wasn’t with Mulder or Spender, but I have been in a shared three-way marriage with Skinner. How messed up is that?
Scully pokes her head in, the little eavesdropper.
SCULLY: Is it bad if I say “lucky girl”? John and Wally... arms...
REPORTER: For the love of my sanity GO AWAY! You had your turn last week! LAST WEEK! Geez!
SCULLY: Sorry. I just really want to do an interview with just us girls one day.
She waves goodbye and we all know she’s still listening from outside.
MONICA: On a more serious note I would have liked to see more with Carlos, my brother. He’s this bad-ass kind of guy, but when it comes to me, his ‘little sister’, he can change himself and behave a little better. We kind of got to see part of that in him at the end of season seven, I really think he was affected by me going off to the Facility and everything that happened there. He’s a guy that’s gotten messed up and criminal but still has a heart.
Knowle nods his head in agreement.
COMER: I like the episode where he flung Brad off a cliff in season six.
KNOWLE: If only he’d do that to Krycek.
KRYCEK: (off stage) He said my name!
DOGGETT: (off stage) BEHAVE!
REPORTER: (stands up) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WE ARE ON THE AIR! SOMEONE GET THOSE FREAKY THREE OUT OF THE WING!
COMER: Hey, Monica, maybe next year’s Backyard Bowl you and Knowle can play against John, Dana and the Hunky Punk and call their team Team Freaky Three.
Monica bursts out laughing.
KNOWLE: Yeah, then I’d get a chance to pound that little punk into the ground and disable him from-
Monica puts a hand on his arm to calm him.
MONICA: Breath in and out deeply and slowly, Knowle. In and out... calm yourself.
KNOWLE: He gets me angry.
COMER: He gets a lot of people angry. (looks at Reporter) Especially that one.
MONICA: Actually I think we all get the Reporter angry.
She smiles sweetly at the Reporter who’s top is about to blow.
Knowle clears his throat.
KNOWLE: Sorry, continue, please.
REPORTER: I’ve just been informed that we’ve officially gone over the allowed time limit, but they’re giving me a little bit longer to ask one question – from Alex Krycek no less –
KNOWLE: No. I’m not going to have this interview be about him. I refuse to answer any question you ask because it’s what he wants me to do – indirectly speak to him.
REPORTER: His question is actually for Monica. Monica, was it good or was it goo-ooood in London when you – and I’ll quote – squeezed the Russian Love Gun until it exploded?
Monica looks at him horrified.
COMER: I’ll answer for her. (clears throat) Yes, it was good. I’ve talked to Monica extensively about this. Last New Years Eve, she was a bit tipsy and she let the truth come out about being with Alex when she was distraught over Brad having to marry Marita. She was drunk which could have been why she had so much fun.
Monica looks at him disgusted.
MONICA: Any chance you had with me just went out the window!
She hits Comer on the shoulder.
KNOWLE: Thank you!
He stands up and pumps his hands in the air in victory, bends down and kisses Monica.
COMER: Actually who you end up with is up to the writers and I’ll bribe them. I’ll call my brother who is currently on “Desperate Housewives”, Dave Williams – that’s an alias – and have him ride his bike more often, they love that. I’ll make sure to let them know that I told Dave to do that. Oh and I’ll have him play the drums more and get Delfino’s arms into the shot. With that kind of bribery, the writers are definitely going to hook me up with Monica.
Comer smiles, with a twinkle in his eye.
REPORTER: (unenthusiastic) Thankfully that’s all the time we have right now. Please tune in with us next week when I interview Walter Skinner... and apparently Fox Mulder is joining us. Why, I don’t know. These attention whoring freaks.
KRYCEK: (off stage) I da man!
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