Title: "Knowle Interviews Krycek"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Date: February 15, 2009
Air Date: February 16, 2009
Rating: PG-13
Series: FRVS - Episode #H06
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Knowle interviews Krycek during the 2008 FRVS Hiatus.
KNOWLE: So here we are doing another interview before the season ten premiere and our usual Reporter has quit. Understandably. I was asked to conduct-
KRYCEK: Your body conducts heat like a six foot four towering inferno.
KNOWLE: I-
KRYCEK: Love you too.
KNOWLE: No. I was asked to conduct-
KRYCEK: Lite my fire Knowle baby.
KNOWLE: I don’t know why I accepted to try to do this interview.
KRYCEK: So Knowle, what’s it like being a side-kick to my awesomeness?
KNOWLE: We haven’t been in any scenes in a very long time.
KRYCEK: Yes, we have.
KNOWLE: No.
KRYCEK: Yes.
KNOWLE: I’m not doing that.
KRYCEK: Doing what? (mischevious beat) Doing me?
KNOWLE: I don’t know how to talk to you, Alex.
KRYCEK: Call me Sasha Baby.
Krycek winks at Knowle.
KNOWLE: Can we just do this-
KRYCEK: Nekkid?
KNOWLE: No. Do this interview.
KRYCEK: Because I da man, yeah, baby, go on.
KNOWLE: We have some fan questions for you that came in over the holidays.
KRYCEK: I have the biggest fan club in the world.
KNOWLE: Teena in Toledo writes *ahem* Sasha Baby, you are so da man I only read “Fox & Rat” because you’re in it. When is FRVS going to turn into the Alex Krycek Show?
KRYCEK: Well Teena, baby, in Toledo, baby. In case you haven’t noticed I have been rallying quite hard during this hiatus to convince Cassie and Kristi to say “screw you” to all the other characters and only focus on my sexy body. But they’re stubborn and my woos aren’t exactly working yet, I think that will take some time and maybe some Krycek Vodka, but I’ll keep you and all my fans informed of any news in what will be called The Chronicles of Alex Krycek. Baby.
KNOWLE: Did you write that question yourself?
KRYCEK: Are you accusing MOI of being Teena in Toledo?
KNOWLE: Yes.
KRYCEK: (under his breath) Dammit.
Knowle holds up a whole bunch of note cards and eyes Krycek suspiciously.
KNOWLE: Are all of these your questions?
KRYCEK: I’d like to start answering that question by saying that I love you Marita. I can’t wait for our reunion in The Chronicles of Alex Krycek.
KNOWLE: There’s never going to be The Chronicles of Alex Krycek!
KRYCEK: You suck! (beat, amorous) Will you marry me?
KNOWLE: Are you talking to me?
KRYCEK: (amorous) Yeah.
Krycek bats his eyes at and leans towards Knowle.
KNOWLE: It’s unfortunate that if I did get a restraining order that you’d have to know where I am at all times.
KRYCEK: That’s the beauty of restraining orders.
KNOWLE: Adam in Kentucky writes: Alex, I love how you have a no-hold back attitude towards others. What inspires you to just let it all out?
KRYCEK: I love you too Adam in Kentucky. You know a few years back Mulder and I drove through Kentucky and I was amazed at how awesome it was that it’s said that inbreeds live there-
KNOWLE: That’s rude. Adam, I apologize for his ignorance.
KRYCEK: Shut it! (beat) Marita inspires me to just let it all out. For she herself is very outgoing. Manipulative even, and I love that about her. If it weren’t for Marita, I would never have whipped out my little winkie and peed all over Knowle.
KNOWLE: This is stupid.
KRYCEK: Fine! Whatever! Ok let’s be serious then. Go ahead, Knowle baby, ask me a serious question and I’ll give a serious answer. I can be serious. I am a serious person.
Knowle flips through the note cards until he finds a serious question. This takes at least a minute.
KNOWLE: This one comes from Lizzie in Terma, North Dakota: Alex, up until recently most of your time on “Fox & Rat” has been spent with Fox Mulder. We have seen in the past season that with him not around that you can be and are a more heartfelt person. We have seen you stripped of your immaturity and I would like to know if and when you and Mulder are reunited if you will remain this new and better you or if you and Mulder will regress?
KRYCEK: Well, Lizzie in Terma, North Dakota, I think it is safe to say that me and Mulder are people who need each other. We thrive off of each other’s energy. Sometimes it’s immature, yes, but in all honesty that is exhausting. I mean, to constantly behave as if you’re jacked up on caffeine takes a lot of effort, but I believe that he expects me to be this way so I am like that. If I lived in a Alex Krycek Utopia I would be the real me 25/7. I’d go that extra effort.
KNOWLE: Alex, that’s 24/7.
KRYCEK: I know, I’m starting a new trend in phrasing to say 25/7 when you want to stress that you’d go the extra mile.
KNOWLE: Ok, this one is from “Mommy”.
KRYCEK: Oh goodie! Hi mommy!
KNOWLE: Sasha, what are your thoughts on what is going on with me and um... daddy?
KRYCEK: Mommy? Did you and John get married? Is he really my real daddy now?
KNOWLE: Is this for real?
KRYCEK: Yes. Oh my God! Mommy! Wait. What is going on with you and John right now? Knowle?
KNOWLE: She can’t answer your questions, answer hers.
KRYCEK: But I can’t. I don’t know what’s going on with her and John. Oh everyone, to clarify, Scully is my “mommy”. It’s this thing that Mulder and I started to do with her years ago when we were little tikes, ok well Mulder was a little tike, but I was a BIG tike. And we call her “mommy” because she was always looking out for us. Sometimes it bothers her so we go on what we call Mommy Draughts and we don’t call her that, but now that she’s calling herself mommy, well, I think she’s wanting to baby me again.
KNOWLE: I need to sit down and have a serious talk with Dana.
KRYCEK: Hello! Knowle! This is my time to shine! Stop commenting!
KNOWLE: Next question from... Sak O’Shite (beat) Alex, is this you again?
Krycek giggles uncontrollably.
KNOWLE: I’m not reading it. (he flips through the cards again) Ok this one is from Karl in Lisbon.
KRYCEK: Where’s that? Is that in England?
KNOWLE: The fact that you’re asking me that tells me you’re just asking that to be an ass.
KRYCEK: Just ask the question.
KNOWLE: Is there a chance that you and your super buddies will make a return trip to Europe one day? I really enjoyed reading your adventures a few years ago and would love to have you visit my country and create chaos.
KRYCEK: Well you know, going to Italy would be great. I mean they party-hardy. We could climb the Leaning Tower of Pizza and make it tip over.
KNOWLE: Alex, really, try to be a sensitive human being for once in your life.
KRYCEK: I was sensitive when my real mom died. And then when Scott was a dick to Scully, and also when Mulder and I un-broke up in the garbage dump.
KNOWLE: Anyway, next question is from Worried and Paranoid in D.C.
KRYCEK: Ok...
KNOWLE: Sasha baby, do you prefer to have your eyebrow shaved or be called Blues Clues?
Krycek pouts.
KRYCEK: That’s Mulder isn’t it?
KNOWLE: Answer Worried’s questions.
KRYCEK: I prefer to be Blues Clues because then my beauty isn’t entirely tarnished.
KNOWLE: (trying not to laugh) Ok, that’s interesting. Um, ok *ahem* this next question is from Zeke in Talahassee.
KRYCEK: Oh, Australia. Put another shrimp on the Barbie.
KNOWLE: Alex. I’m not going to continue doing this if you don’t at least act like your brain contains information.
KRYCEK: It does.
KNOWLE: Then, for me, please tell me where Talahassee really is.
KRYCEK: Florida.
KNOWLE: See, you’re not always an uneducated idiot.
KRYCEK: I know. I da man.
KNOWLE: And where’s Lisbon?
KRYCEK: Europe.
KNOWLE: Be more specific.
KRYCEK: No.
KNOWLE: You know, after this interview I’m going to enroll you in a European History or geography course.
KRYCEK: I don’t want to learn about rocks.
KNOWLE: GEOgraphy!
KRYCEK: I hated school.
KNOWLE: Why’d you become a principle?!
KRYCEK: (somewhat guilty) To warp children.
KNOWLE: Zeke in Talahassee asks: Brad Follmer gave his life for you. What are your thoughts on that?
KRYCEK: Um.
KNOWLE: (to reader) This requires a bit more thought on his part.
KRYCEK: It was all very scary and chaotic. You know, I wasn’t a very nice person to him so I’m kind of left wondering “why’d he do that for me?” You know? I mean, I was an ass and he gave his life for me. I just really think he’s wonderful for that. To give your life to save another is brave and I’ll never be grateful enough for what he did for me. I hope his memory can be kept alive because great people need to be remembered.
KNOWLE: Do you miss him?
KRYCEK: Yes. Actually now that I think of it, I worry about how Monica will react since they were in love. I mean, he was like the love of her life and all, and she was his. They were going to have a baby, they were going to be married and live a long and happy life together. And now he’s gone. I think it would be very hard to find out that the person you love is gone forever. It’d be like finding out Mulder was killed. I would never recover. Or if Scully were killed, I wouldn’t know what to do.
KNOWLE: She has cancer.
Krycek’s eyes bug and well with tears.
KRYCEK: What? No, you’re pulling my leg.
KNOWLE: The chip in her neck, we removed it to prevent the aliens from tracking us.
Krycek’s lower lip quivers.
KRYCEK: But there’s no cure... this... this isn’t fair. Why does everyone I love with all my heart have to die?
Krycek looks to Knowle for an answer.
KNOWLE: Death is a part of life.
KRYCEK: Yeah but... why? Why can’t they all be immortal?
KNOWLE: Because that’s not possible.
KRYCEK: Anything is possible!
KNOWLE: I guess if you can imagine the impossible then there could be a way to achieve it.
KRYCEK: Knowle?
KNOWLE: Yes?
KRYCEK: You’re with her, right?
KNOWLE: I am.
KRYCEK: Do your best to help her. She’s been through too much pain in life to let pain take her from us.
Another single tear rolls down Krycek’s cheek. He wipes it away and sniffles.
KNOWLE: I can do what I can under the circumstances, Alex.
KRYCEK: Ok.
Knowle looks at Krycek as Krycek lowers his head in sadness. He looks at you, the reader, and let’s out a sigh and goes to Alex. He puts an arm around him.
KNOWLE: She’s got John, Alex and you know him, he’ll do everything in his power to make her comfortable and let her know she is loved until she’s gone.
KRYCEK: (crying quietly) But I don’t want her gone.
KNOWLE: I, I know... none of us want her to die, but it’s all part of life.
KRYCEK: Well it SUCKS! (he cries a bit harder) I love her so much! And I haven’t apologized for all the stupid I’ve done to her and how stupid I’ve been and how stupid it was of me to be a jerk and try to kill John and how stupid... just how stupid! Scully! Don’t die! Oh God! It’s the end of the world. How can I even think about continuing my story with The Chronicles of Alex Kry...cek! (be bawls) I can’t answer any more questions! I’m too distraught!
KNOWLE: Ok... you don’t have to answer any more questions.
KRYCEK: Ok.
Knowle hands Krycek a tissue and Krycek blows his nose rather loudly.
KRYCEK: And Knowle...
KNOWLE: Yeah?
KRYCEK: (whispers) I know where Lisbon is.
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