Title: "One of Those Days"
Written by: Ging
Date: 1999
Air Date: N/A
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #020
Spoilers: None, we try to create our own stuff... but remember sometimes we have to refer to happenings in the actual show "The X-Files".
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Mulder is having a bad day ... could it get much worse? He also meets Jeffrey Spender for the first time!
Fox Mulder was not having a good day. When he awoke that morning, he discovered that someone had rifled through his drawers, and stolen every pair of socks that he owned! Then to make things worse, this same culprit, had also tied all his shoelaces together, in nasty little hard-to-undo knots. Mulder had his suspicisions as to who the culprit was. There was only one person he could think of, who would pull such a stunt!
"Damn, Krycek!" Mulder mumbled as he struggled with the laces of another pair of shoes, "Damn the little rodent!" Mulder began to rant, "Let him eat my food, and use my stuff, and this is the gratitude he shows? Damn him!!"
Mulder shook his head in frustration, then hurled the shoes across the room, knocking over and smashing one of Krycek's precious bottles of Vodka in the process. Mulder grimaced at the smashed bottle, and groaned, "Great!" he then muttered to himself, "How much worse is this day going to get?"Mulder casually glanced at his wristwatch, and cursed colourfully under his breath. Just what he really needed! To be late for work ... again! With a snort of disgust, Mulder cast a foul look in the direction of the room that Krycek was bunking down in. He then reached under the leather couch on which he usually slept, and extracted a pair of old, tacky, slip-on brogues. Mulder quickly tugged on the shoes, without any socks, then grabbing his car-keys and jacket, he stood up from the couch and made his way to the apartment door. As Mulder left the apartment, he made a point of really slamming the door as he did so.
When Mulder reached his car, he discovered to his utter annoyance, that someone had forced chewing gum into the driver's side lock, as well as the passenger side! Mulder slapped his forehead, and cursed loudly, "Oh, geez! Krycek!" He shook his fist in the direction of the apartment building, and then with his handy little FBI issue doorlock unpicker, Mulder began to poke at the sticky substance within the locks.
A good fifteen minutes later, and Mulder had every single little scrap of gum residue cleared from both the locks. With a sigh of relief, he opened the driver's side door, and slipped in behind the steering wheel. Mulder stuck the key in the ignition, started the engine, then noticed to his horror that the fuel level was just sitting on empty! He began to fume! Krycek had taken his car again, without permission again, and had not bothered to fill the tank ... again!!Mulder slammed his fist down on the dashboard, and then steering the car out of the apartment building's parking area, he turned the vehicle in the direction of the nearest gas station. Mulder swung the car into the gas station, only to find himself stuck behind an old granny who had no idea on how to use the petrol pump hose, and who literally bit off the head of anyone who dared to offer her assistance.
Mulder glared impatiently at the granny, and then quickly glanced at his wristwatch."Oh crap!" He gave a deep groan. Man! Skinner was going to have his ass in a sling in more ways than one! He was late, really late. The latest he'd been in a long, long time! No doubt he would be the dubject of a severe ticking off when he finally arrived at the Bureau!
After what seemed like an eternity, the granny finally figured out what she was supposed to do with the petrol pump, had her car filled and was preparing to leave the gas station. Unable to resist the urge, Mulder quickly wound down his window, and fairly screamed at the old woman, "Now she gets it! Hallelujah! Praise be!!"The granny turned in her car to consider Mulder, fixed him with a dark stare, and responded to his comments with a rude finger gesture. She then sped from the gas station and disappeared into the sea of traffic.Mulder watched in a stunned silence as the granny departed, then got down to the business of filling his own car.
Tank full, and Mulder was back behind the steering wheel, and heading towards the J.Edgar Hoover Building at a reasonable speed. He couldn't help but grin as he navigated easily through the traffic. Maybe this day wont be so bad after all, he thought as he cruised along. Fingers crossed!
Mulder made it to the FBI building without any further hassles. He slowly turned into the parking area of the FBI grounds, and found an empty bay next to Dana Scully's car, and brought the vehicle to a smooth halt. As Mulder then made his way to the main enterance of the FBI building, he noticed a few people sniggering and staring at him. One even had the nerve to point at him! Mulder glanced down to look at his shoes, and almost had a fit when he realised that the brogues he pulled from under the couch that morning, were not the decent black ones he just assumed he was wearing, but the really old crappy white ones! Mulder groaned his distaste, and in effort to hide his embarrassment, he smiled politely at the staring people, and as he briskly made his way into the FBI, he silently prayed that no one else would notice.
Without managing to attract any further attention to himself, Mulder made his to office within the Basement of the J.Edgar Hoover building. Just as he was about to make himself comfortable at his messy desk, there came the dreaded buzz on his desk intercom, and Skinner's secretary's voice greeted him in an almost mocking tone."Agent Mulder" the voice began, after a brief crackle of static, "The Assistant Director would like to see you in his office." There was another crackle of static, and the secretary added almost viciously, "Right NOW!"
Mulder slammed his fist down hard on the intercom to silence it, then after kicking the leg of his desk a number of times, he then reluctantly left the basement and made his way to the Assistant Director's office.
When Mulder entered Assistant Director Walter Skinner's office, he discovered his old partner, red-haired Agent Dana Scully, sitting before the AD's desk with an extremely smug look on her pretty face. Come to think of it, the Assistant Director looked pretty darn pleased with himself too! Mulder gave the female Agent and his boss a quick glance before taking the seat next to Scully, and sitting down."Agent Mulder" Assistant Director Skinner then spoke firmly, removing his glasses and laying them on the table in front of himself.
"Sir?" Mulder questioned unsurely, expecting, but not receiving any moral support from his one-time partner.
"Agent Mulder" Skinner repeated, this time his tone was low and almost menacing, "Just what the heck is this?" The Assistant Director lifted a file from his desk, and literally threw it at Mulder. "Care to explain yourself?"
Mulder picked up the file from the floor, turned it over, and read the label on the front."It's my report on the Garibaldi case." Mulder told the Assistant Director.
"Oh, really?" questioned the Assistant Director, eyebrow raised, arms crossed against his chest. "Would you like to tell me what the ... uh ... extra notes are for?"
"Extra notes?" Mulder gave the Assistant Director a puzzled look, and as he began to open the file, he noticed to his digust, that Scully was sniggering... Mulder gave the red-haired woman a decidely foul look, then turned his attention to the front page of the report. Mulder noticed nothing, no peculiarities, not a thing to indicate unnecessary extra notes, so he turned to the next page ... and the next page ... and the next. Then there, on the fifth page, in bold, bright red handwriting, was a list of rather offensive words, describing the Garibaldi case, as well, nothing more than a load of horse droppings, and a complete and utter waste of the FBI's time and resources. Mulder stared in absolute horror at the page.
"I didn't write that!" he began almost breathlessly, "I swear!!"
"Oh?" said the Assistant Director, fixing Mulder with an I-am-not-amused expression, "Come now, Agent Mulder, who else would have done such a thing? Agent Scully would never dare to do something like that." The Assistant Director paused and gave Scully a sickly sweet smile, "No not Agent Scully. It has to have been you, Agent Mulder!" Mulder gaped back at his direct superior, momentarily at a loss for words.
"But ... but ...but ..." Mulder then stuttered, looking from the Assistant Director to Scully.
"No buts, Agent Mulder" the Assistant Director then commented, shaking his head slowly. Then with raised hand, a finger indicating the office door, he added in a low tone, "Back to your office, NOW, Agent Mulder! And don't let me see your face again until you have completely re-written that case file, and also written a thousand word apology!"
Mulder gaped again, and stared back at the Assistant Director, "You can't be serious!" he said incrediously.
"Very!" replied the Assistant Director simply, "Now, do I make myself clear?"
"Um ... yeah ... ah ... crystal!" said Mulder uncertainly. Then rising from his chair, the offending file in hand, Mulder turned to Scully. "Coming, Scully?"
Scully began a high, very girlish giggle, winked at the Assistant Director, and commented somewhat mysteriously, "That depends on what you mean, Agent Mulder!"
Mulder rolled his eyes skywards, and groaned in disgust. Damn those two, he thought as he slowly made his way from the Assistant Director's office, damn them!!
Raucous laughter and the comment, "Dig those funky shoes, Foxy boy!" echoed after Mulder as he exited the office and slammed the door behind him. Mulder paused momentarily, glared at the closed door and cursed under his breath.
Still cursing, Mulder made his way back to the basement, and to his office. He trudged into the office, then leant across the desk to switch on his computer. Mulder just about fell over backwards, when he noticed the young man seated at the desk, his damn desk!Mulder quickly composed himself, and fairly snapped, "Who the hell are you? What the hell are you doing in my office? Get the hell away from my desk!"
The young man opened his mouth to say something, but was stunned to silence by Mulder's vicious volley of words. He leant back in his chair and just stared back at Mulder.
"You must be Fox Mulder" the young man finally found his voice, and spoke, breaking the awkward silence that had dropped, "I've heard a lot about you."
Mulder just stared back at the younger Agent, taking in his overly neat appearance, his neat head of tight curls, how neat his damn office seemed after he'd only been gone less than twenty minutes! Mulder noted too, a vague familiarity to the young man's face.
"Oh yeah?" Mulder then commented, "Really?" he glared at the young man, not in the mood for any stupid games, especially not from someone who would dare to enter his office and clean it up without his permission!
"Yes" said the young man simply, then holding his hand out to Mulder, he added, "My name's Jeffrey Spender."
"Really?" replied Mulder, deliberately avoiding the young man's gesture of friendship, "Tell that to someone who cares!"
The young Agent called Spender, gave Mulder a hurt look, and then lowered his hand back to the desk.
"Fine" he said, beginning to tidy up some files on the desk top, "If that's the way you feel."
Mulder grunted, then snatched the pile of files away from Spender. "I'll take those!" He growled, "And leave the rest of my stuff alone!"
"Your stuff!?" said Spender incrediously. He then raised his hands from the desk and shook his head as Mulder swept all the files and other bits and pieces, off the table and into his arms. He lost half the stuff to the floor around his feet.
"Oh crap!" Mulder snapped, then glaring at Spender he added, "Look at what you made me do!"
"Me!?" said Spender unable to believe his ears.
"Yeah, you!" Mulder snapped again, "You!" He reached down to retrieve some of the stuff from the floor.
"Geez!" Spender commented dryly, "What a loony!" He shook his head in disgust.
Mulder leant across the desk, his face close to Spender's, "That's Mr Loony to you!" he growled.
"Sure, fine, whatever!" Spender remarked, leaning back in his chair, "Whatever you say!"
Mulder growled again, paced away from the desk, then returned slowy when he noticed the three photo frames arranged neatly near the telephone.
"Hmmm ... !" said Mulder, picking up the first frame, and turning it over to look at the picture. "Who have we here?" It was a colour photograph of a grey-haired woman with world-weary eyes and a sweet smile. "Now she looks familiar!" Mulder then commented as he took a seat at the desk, "Very familiar!"
"She's my mom!" Spender then said, reaching across the desk to snatch the photograph from Mulder, who had begun to snigger.
"Whoo!!" he laughed "Mama's boy!"
"Oh shut up!" demanded Spender as he gently returned the photo to its rightful place. He glared at Mulder, who grinned and then casually leant across the desk to take another picture. Mulder looked at the photograph, and couldn't help but laugh. Spender glared some more. "What's so funny?" he wanted to know.
"You" Mulder sniggered, "and this chick!" He then turned the picture to Spender, letting him see the photograph of himself and an attractive young woman dressed-up in bunny suits outside the administration building of the FBI Academy in Quantico.
"Just give me that!" Spender slightly blushed, and snatched the photograph back. In a low tone he added, "Keep your hands off my stuff!"
Mulder ignored Spender's comment, and fixed the younger Agent with a sly look, "So tell me, Spender" Mulder paused, and sniggered at the sound of the guy's name, "Who's the chick ... or should I say ... bunny?"
Spender fumed at Mulder, giving him a dark, hopefully vicious stare. "She's not a chick, or a damn bunny ... " he began through gritted teeth.
"Then who is she?" Mulder interrupted, then smirking he added, "She's a babe!"
Spender fumed some more, his eyes narrowed and he tried to sound menacing, "That's none of your damn business! Okay? Now drop it!"
Mulder leant back in his chair, eyed Spender, and began to laugh some more.
"What's wrong, Spender, did I say something to upset you? Come on! Tell me who she is. I won't drop it, until you do tell me!" Mulder folded his arms and stared back at Spender."Oh crap!" cursed Spender, "Can't a guy have any secrets?"
Mulder shook his head, "Nope! Sorry, so come on, out with it!"
Spender gave a deep sigh, and glanced at Mulder. Noting with disgust, the smug, almost victorious look on the other Agent's face.
"Okay" Spender then continued, "If this'll get you off my case ... " Spender paused, then realised it would be of no use trying to stall with this guy! "Okay" he began again, "To cut a very long story short, she's a good friend of mine, Bindi Lawson, we went through the Academy together."
Mulder nodded his head, "And" he wanted to know, the smirk returning to his face.
"And what?" Spender asked, wary of Mulder's strange expression.
"Did you?" Mulder winked and grinned.
"Did I what?" Spender stared at Mulder, and went bright red in the face, "That's none of your damn business!"
Mulder laughed softly, "You didn't, did you? You didn't score a home run with her at all! You've probably never scored a home run in your life! Don't worry Spender, I wont tell!" Mulder began to laugh a little louder. Spender slumped back in his chair, and gave Mulder yet another dirty look, "Jerk!" he dared to mumble.
"Hey!" began Mulder, slamming a clenched fist down on the unnaturally tidy desk top, "Who do you think you are, calling me a jerk? Geez, the nerve! You don't even know me!" Mulder gave Spender a withering look, and the younger Agent really leant back in his chair, to the point where it would topple right over if he wasn't careful. Spender blinked at Mulder a few times. What was with this guy! He wondered to himself. Could all those stories about Spooky Mulder really be true? Probably, Spender then thought, as he quickly righted his chair.
Mulder yawned, then stretched, then reached across the desk to retrieve the last of the three frames, the one positioned closest to Spender. Slowly Mulder turned the framed picture in his hands, giving Spender a smug look as he did so. Mulder noticed the anxious, nervous look on Spender's face and commented sarcastically, "What's wrong, Spender, worried I'll discover another one of your secrets?"Spender shook his head no, and just stared back at Mulder.
"Well!" Mulder grinned at Spender, "Let's have a look!" Mulder turned the frame over one last time, and then practically stared at the photograph he held before him, his eyes almost popping from their sockets in shock. Mulder looked to Spender, back to the photograph, and then back to Spender again.
"This picture" Mulder then began almost breathlessly, "Where ... where did you get it?" Mulder returned his attention back to the photograph, and stared once more at the picture. It was a photograph of a young girl, with long dark hair and a bright and cheeky smile. She looked to be about ten or eleven years, and she also looked familiar to Mulder.
Spender leant across the desk, and snatched the picture back from Mulder, who didn't protest, as he was at a loss for words. The young girl in the photograph, Spender's photograph, looked just like ... but could it really be?
Slowly finding his voice, Mulder then asked of Spender again, "Where did you get it, that photograph ... where?""You mean this one?" Spender held up the photo of the girl.
"Yeah" said Mulder a little softly, "That one."
"What's it to you?" Spender wanted to know as he returned the photo to its place by the telephone again.
"Because!" began Mulder, his temper slowly on the rise.
"Because what?" insisted Spender innocently.
"Because" Mulder started to growl, "That's a photograph of my kid sister, dammit!!" Mulder then slammed his fist down on the desk top again, causing a startled Spender to jump slightly in his chair.
"Your sister?" said Spender, after composing himself, "Oh yeah ... right!!"
"She is!" Mulder raised his voice a notch more, leant across the desk, and glared at Spender threateningly. "So what the hell are you doing with a photograph of my sister!?"
Suddenly, Spender began to laugh, a cheeky grin on his face, "Oh, Agent Mulder" he sniggered, "I've heard all about you, and your paranoid delusions. Believe me, this is not your sister!"
"That is so my sister!" Mulder insisted, pointing to the photograph, "That's Samantha, and I can prove it!" Mulder then reached into his trousers pocket for his wallet. From the wallet, he then took out a small but clear photograph of himself as a young boy of twelve with his little sister.
Mulder slammed the precious photograph down on the desk in front of Spender, and pointed at it. "That was taken about four months before she was abducted. She was eight, I was twelve ... ""Oh?" said Spender, beginning to sound a little interested, "Really? When was that?"
"It was November, the year was 1973 ... " Mulder responded a little mechanically, then suddenly realising just who he was talking too, he snapped, "What's it to you!?!"
Spender gazed back at Mulder, and said nothing as he picked up the photo that Mulder had laid on the desk. "When she, Samantha, came to live with me and my parents, it was in 1973, November too, if I recall correctly. I was only five at the time, she was about eight ... " Spender trailed off, and gave Mulder a small smile, then added, "I thought it was cool to have a big sister, even though she used to beat me up all the time!" Spender grinned at the memory, then continued, "She ran away from home when she was fourteen, I was eleven ... my father left soon after, and to this day, I haven't seen either of them again." Spender gave a deep sigh, then held the photograph out to Mulder. Mulder actually smiled at Spender, and graciously accepted the photograph back from the younger man. "Once Samantha was gone" Spender then continued, "My father washed his hands of my mother and I ... " Spender stopped, gave another deep sigh, and gazed at the photograph of the grey-haired woman. "Why am I wasting my time telling you this!" Spender turned his attention to Mulder, "As if you care!"
"You're right!" Mulder insisted, a little unkindly, "I don't care about you, it's my sister I care about ... more than anything!" Mulder then began to scratch the back of his head. "This sounds all rather bizarre! Could my Samantha, and your Samantha, be one and the same?" Mulder stared at Spender.
"What are you getting at, Agent Mulder?" Spender wanted to know.
"Well, think about it ... " Mulder became thoughtful, "In November 1973, my little sister was abducted from home, right in front of my eyes, and that same month and year, you find yourself with a sister!"
"Hmmm ... " said Spender becoming thoughtful himself, "You've got a point there, but why?"
"That's what I want to know!" Suddenly Mulder slapped his forehead, and groaned in disgust, he just remembered something in his childhood, something that he'd much rather forget ... an image of his mother getting rather cosy with another man ... the Cigarette Smoking Man!
"What's wrong, Agent Mulder?" Spender asked, as Mulder continued to groan and slap his forehead.
"My mom!" Mulder then began to wail, "Oh my God!" Mulder slapped himself a few more times, then glared back at Spender. "My mom ... your dad ... our sister ... get it!?!"
Spender gave Mulder a puzzled look. "What are you getting at, Agent Mulder?" Mulder leant across the desk, and slapped Spender on the forehead.
"My mom ... your dad ... our sister ... !" Mulder then repeated through gritted teeth.
Spender rubbed his forehead, and gave Mulder a look of pure shock, "No way!" he gasped, "My dad and your mom? Never!"
"What!" said Mulder, "Unless you think it was my dad and your mom!"
Spender shook his head, "No" he said, "Not my mom and your dad, my mom was supposedly being abducted by aliens on a regular basis, so unless it was my mom and an alien ... !" Spender trailed off, a confused look on his face.
"Well" began Mulder, "I know for a fact it wasn't my dad and your mom ... "
"Oh?" said Spender, becoming curious, "How do you know that for a fact?"
"Because" Mulder's eyes became childish and wide at the memory, "Because" his voice dropped to a whisper, "Because I saw my mom and your dad ... um ... water-skiing ... together ... except ... " Mulder shuddered at the thought, "There was no water!" He crinkled his nose in disgust, and noticed the look of horror on Spender's face.
"Your not trying to say ... " Spender began a little unsurely, "That you saw my dad and your mom ... water-skiing without water?" Suddenly Spender began to giggle. "Oh Mulder! Everyone knows you can't water-ski without water!" He laughed some more. Frustrated, Mulder leant across the desk, and slapped Spender on the forehead again, Spender stopped his giggling at once, and gave Mulder a dazed look.
"I don't mean that kind of water-skiing, Spender" Mulder said in a low tone, "I mean water-skiing ... carpet-style!"
Spender shook his head, and rubbed his forehead again. "Carpet-style water-skiing?" he said slowly, "Huh? What on earth do you mean, Agent Mulder?"
Mulder slapped his own forehead again, and fairly blurted out, "SEX! Dammit, I mean sex!! My mom and your dad had sex, on the carpet in my dad's family's summerhouse's loungeroom, and when I ... ahem ... caught them at it, they told me they were water-skiing!" Mulder made a gagging noise, and noticed that Spender had turned as white as a sheet.
"Our parents had sex? Your mom ... my dad .. " Spender began to gag now, "So this means that this girl in the photograph, is my sister ... and your sister ... "
Mulder nodded, "My mom and your dad had a kid together ... she's our half-sister ... and I guess this kind of makes us ... " Mulder paused, and glared at the young Agent, "half-brothers!"
"That's not possible!" Spender began to wail. Mulder leant across the desk and slapped Spender on the forehead again. "I lost a father and a sister ... and gained you for a brother!?! Oh My God!" Spender rose from the desk, and grabbed his jacket. Briskly he made his way to the door of the basement office.
"Where the heck do you think you're going?" Mulder too, rose from his chair, and slowly wandered after Spender.
"To get as far away from you as possible!" Spender said, as he nervously waited for the elevator to arrive, "This is all too much for me! A half-brother! God, I'll be running into my long lost father again before too long!" Spender got into the lift, and before allowing the doors to close, he yelled, "Just stay the hell out of my office Mulder, yours is the messy one around the corner!" The elevator doors slammed closed, and Mulder made his way to his own office. He trudged towards the messy desk, and flopped down into the chair. He shook his head, what a day, what an absolute crap of a day! Mulder buried his head in his hands, and began to wail. "Why is it always me, who has one of those days!?!"
THE END.
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