Title: "The Place of No Return"
Written by: Kristi & Cassie
Air Date: October 22, 2001
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #060
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Doggett, Monica and Robert Alfredo spend a Saturday packing up Mulder and Krycek's belongings and find a few surprising things they didn't know about their apartment.
FADE IN:
EXT. DOGGETT'S HOUSE - 9AM
MAY 27thDoggett and Monica are tossing a freisbee back and forth with the beagle puppy running back and forth between them, jumping in the air attempting to catch the frisbee. They are having a jolly good time. Though it is May, it's a rather warm morning, Doggett is dressed in well-worn jeans and a white tank top and Monica in army green shorts and a white t-shirt with a pastel blue dolphin print on the front of it, and she's wearing sunglasses. The frisbee is thrown to Monica and the puppy catches it! Monica runs to the dog and takes the other end of the frisbee in her hands, and tugs on it a bit, in a game of tug-of-war.
MONICA (to puppy)
You wanna play? Wanna play frisbee too?!
The puppy barks, causing Monica to have complete control of the frisbee again, she tosses it back at Doggett, but so he has to run to get it... she wants the puppy to have another chance at catching it.
MONICA
You really ought to name this
puppy you know!
Down the street we hear an obnoxious sound of a car beeping it's horn and then a sleek, expensive, black sports car pulls up in Doggett's driveway, Doggett stops running for the frisbee and looks on... Monica stops moving and removes her sunglasses, also looking on. Then the door to the car opens and Robert Alfredo steps out and waves at them, he's wearing jeans and a New York Knicks t-shirt.
ALFREDO
Hey John! Sorry I'm late, I
haven't been in the Falls Church
area in ages.
DOGGETT (re: the nice car)
That your car?
ALFREDO
Yeah, why?
DOGGETT
Nothin', I wasn't expecting
it to be... well ya know-
Monica coughs to indicate to Doggett to introduce her to Alfredo.
DOGGETT
I'm sorry, Robert, this is my
good friend Monica Reyes (beat)
Monica, Robert Alfredo, he works
under the direction of Special Agent
Frank Black in criminal profiling.
Alfredo and Monica shake hands.
MONICA/ALFREDO (same time)
Nice to meet you.
They giggle because they said the same thing at the same time, Doggett rolls his eyes.
DOGGETT
(takes his truck keys from pocket)
Let's get going guys.
CUT TO: EXT. MULDER/KRYCEK'S APT - 30 MINUTES LATER
The apartment building owner stands outside with a ring of keys, trying one by one until finally the door opens. Doggett, Monica and Alfredo stnad behind him.
OWNER
(quickly walking away)
Good luck!
Doggett and Alfredo share a look... for they know Mulder and Krycek personally, Monica is unaffected.
MONICA
So these guys said that all
their belongings will be split
among their friends...?
DOGGETT
Unfortunately.
MONICA
You two are their only friends?
ALFREDO
No... their other friends died
with them... Alex drove into a tornado.
Monica wipes her index finger across a table, picking up a lot of dust and other bits of dirt. Disgusted she wipes her finger on the back of Alfredo's t-shirt.
MONICA
Tornado...? Doesn't sound like
whoever was driving should even
be in the FBI...
TIME CUT: INT. KITCHEN - NOON
Like the morning, the afternoon is warm and sunny, not exactly the kind of day you'd like to spend indoors. The apartment is full of moving boxes, lots of them.
Monica is carrying what seems like a pretty heavy box. SUDDENLY, she trips and falls forward, tossing the box, giving a little yelp as she goes down.
Doggett enters the room, having to step over a few boxes.
DOGGETT
Mon'? You alright?
Monica tries to get herself up, Doggett assists her.
MONICA
Yeah... I think so (beat)
I just tripped over an old...
She bends down to pick up a banana peel.
MONICA
(disgusting)
Eww...
Her nose wrinkles up from the smell, Doggett picks up the box she was carrying, with ease, and takes it out of the room, stepping over a collective pile of wall plaster left around the apartment since Mulder broke down the wall. Yes. It is still there. Monica looks around at the huge mess... including a spray can of PAM on a kitchen counter, next to a fly swatter.
MONICA (to self)
How did they ever live in this dump?
She picks up a smaller box from the counter, full of plastic spoons, forks and knives and a combination of the three (melted by who knows what into "artistic" creations), she passes 3 full garbage cans on her way out into the living room. INT. LIVING ROOM
Monica carefully steps over a few more piles of plaster and boxes and enters the room. The TV is on and a pizza box is open on the coffee table, the fresh scent of pepperoni and italian sausage fills the air. We see Robert Alfredo sitting on the couch.
MONICA
You're eating pizza?
ALFREDO
Hey. It covers the stench of the apartment.
MONICA
Aren't you going to help?
ALFREDO
Um... yeah... I was just (swallows pizza)
takin' a break... testing out the couch
(laughs) for two guys who sit on their bums
all day, this couch is in pretty darn good shape.
MONICA
(ignoring his comments)
Why are you taking a break? (beat)
You haven't helped move this crap
at all. You've just sat around on
your lazy a-
DOGGETT
-She's right Robert. You said you would
help, because you were their friend,
and you've done nothing.
ALFREDO
Geez... every man is entitled to a break
and some food.
MONICA
Every man? (beat) So I can't?
Alfredo scarfs down another piece of pizza.
ALFREDO
You heard me. Every man.
Monica glares at Alfredo as he takes another bite of his pizza. Doggett, irritated by such childish arguements, grabs the rest of his pizza and tosses it onto a chair across the room.
ALFREDO
Hey! I was eatin' that!
Doggett gives him a look that stops Alfredo's complaining immediately. Doggett notices that the pizza box cover is open and glares at it's contents.
DOGGETT
(re: pizza)
It's not just cheese?
ALFREDO
(eyes light up with fear)
Um... not again. Please don't
throw the pizza on the walls!
I don't want to help clean up that
again!
MONICA
What is he talking about?
DOGGETT
(fast to respond)
Nothing. (beat) Alfredo, I want you to
go into The Love Room and box up some
things. Monica and I will be carrying
some boxes out to my truck.
Doggett points to a door that is closed but has a piece of paper with "The Love Room" written on it. The door looks as if it hasn't been opened in a long long time.
ALFREDO
Why do I get stuck with The Love Room?
DOGGETT
(guessing)
Not like it's ever been used.
Alfredo turns and looks at the door... and he ponders...
ALFREDO
You know... you're probably right.
With that he enters, The Love Room, ripping the stupid paper sign off the door. Doggett and Monica exit the apartment, taking with them boxes and Monica pestering Doggett about what Alfredo said about cleaning up pizza from the walls again.
INT. THE LOVE ROOM
A room we have actually never seen... well writing from our own memory here. Mulder and Krycek have carefully decorated the room, and needless to say, it's kind of scary. The walls are painted pristine white and there are professional black and white nude photographs of women that they've purchased, hanging on the wall (surprisingly none of them are crooked!). The bed in the room is king size and has a mirror directly above it and some sort of fabric is able to be pulled down around the entire bed to prevent anyone from walking in and accidentally seeing anything they may not want to see.
Alfredo can't believe his eyes, taking another break, he sits down on the red and black satin sheets that are meticulously wrapped around the bed, pondering, he leans over and opens a drawer on the nightstand... it is filled with condoms (hey the guys were more resposible than he thought!) He laughs realizing that none have probably not been used.
ALFREDO
(thinking out loud)
None of those are used... it's a
Love Room in an apartment occupied by
two men, who may or may not have had
girlfriends... they must have been gay.
He believes this as a fact, then his eyes wander around the room and to the photographs on the wall... all women.
ALFREDO
Nah. Plus I know what was in
their porn collection... "The
Hawaiian Bunny".
A smile crosses his face as he stands up to pack, just then realizing several camcorders placed around the room as to catch the most awkward of angles and positions on the bed. Alfredo screams in fear of what could have been, or may be, just as Monica walks into the room. He doesn't see her enter.
MONICA
(scared)
Is it alive?
Alfredo screams again, because she startled him.
MONICA
(running to bed & stands on it)
Oh God! It is!
ALFREDO
(scared/ jumps on bed, standing)
What is?!
MONICA
(scared/yelling)
I don't know! I just figured
since John and I found a dead rat,
that you found one alive!
They haven't noticed, but they are hugging eachother in fear. Doggett walks in and looks at them, after setting down some empty boxes.
DOGGETT
(re: the hugging)
I don't even want to know.
And Doggett leaves and shuts the door behind him. TIME CUT:
INT. LIVING ROOM - 11PM
The apartment looks very empty, save for a few pieces of furniture that needs to be taken out and to their new homes (Doggett, Monica and Alfredo).
Doggett, Monica and Alfredo are resting on the couch, that Alfredo has claimed with a post-it note "Alfredo's".
MONICA
So are you sure it will be ok
for me to move into Agent Scully's
apartment?
DOGGETT
Well do we really want to pack all her
stuff up? Plus, she gave me a key to the
place.
MONICA
(suggestive/knowing)
Really?
Alfredo gives Doggett a sly smile, thinking that perhaps Doggett and Scully were an item.
DOGGETT
Just incase she ever locked herself out.
ALFREDO
Marita lived with her too you know.
And Marita never leaves the place.
So technically it was nearly impossible
for Agent Scully to get locked out.
MONICA
I think she had a thing for you.
DOGGETT
That's not possible... she was with
A.D. Skinner.
ALFREDO
(quiet/ to Monica)
Mr. Oblivious.
Doggett lets out a heavy sigh... can't these two leave him alone about this. We see that Monica is eyeing the space in between the 2 apartments... where a wall had once been.
MONICA
I just figured out where all the
plaster came from. I think a wall
was knocked down in between this part
of the room and that side.
Doggett tilts his head and eyes the area as well.
DOGGETT
It does...
ALFREDO
I heard Mulder did that...
From inside where Mulder and Krycek's room is on the "other" side of the apartment, we hear a bed kinda shift outta place. The door is half-way shut. There is a quiet, eerie moment between the three of them.
MONICA
Guys... did you hear that?
ALFREDO
(scared)
Yes.
DOGGETT
It's the apartment settling in.
We hear the sound again, all three of them get scared.
ALFREDO
Is somebody in there?
MONICA
Like their ghosts?
DOGGETT
Did either of you bring your weapon?
They shake their heads "no". Simultaneously the three of them stand up, Monica and Alfredo hide behind Doggett... they slowly step toward the room.
SUDDENLY THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN! All three of them scream and look away. Then we hear the screams of two ditzes... Angela and Farrah... better known to us as The Magazine Girls.
ANGELA
(to Doggett)
Um. Like you're not Fox.
FARRAH
(to Alfredo)
And you are so not Alex.
Alfredo looks hurt, he so wants to be like his idol.
DOGGETT
Excuse me, but what are you doing here?
ANGELA
No. The question is what are you like
doing here in Fox-Baby and Alex-Baby's
home?
MONICA
They died. So technically it's not
their place anymore.
The lips of The Magazine Girls quiver at this unexpected news.
FARRAH
Angela! Oh my God! Like we've been
sleeping underneath their beds for
like 5 months now, and we didn't
know they were gone!
ANGELA
Oh! My! God! I know! Our hopes
and dreams have been shattered!
They start to cry and fall into eachothers arms and make their way out of the apartment.
MONICA
Did she say five months? (beat)
Of sleeping under their beds.
ALFREDO
Eww... what is that stench?
All three of their noses wrinkle up.
MONICA
Ew... it smells like...
She and Alfredo share a look and come to realize what the awful stench is.
MONICA/ALFREDO
Magazines!
DOGGETT
We should have those 2 arrested.
TIME CUT: INT. LIVING ROOM - 2AM
Finally Doggett, Monica and Alfredo have removed all the furniture from the apartment and it is completely empty, heck Monica even took the time to sweep the floor and vacuum it.
The three of them stand in the doorway, ready to leave... Doggett seems just a little bit sad, for the short time he knew Mulder, Krycek, Scully, Marita and Skinner... a few pretty good memories have come out of this apartment... New Years... the beginning of Super Buddies... dragging Mulder and Krycek to bed after an interesting date with Scully... who knows what could have been...
MONICA
(touching Doggett's arm)
Come on John... it's a first step
in moving on...
Doggett gives her a pathetic look, with his sad puppy dog eyes. They step out of the apartment for the last time, Alfredo skips down to the elevator, Doggett takes one last look at #42.
HOLDING ON the number 42, we FADE OUT:
THE END.
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