Title: "Unholy Matrimony"
Written by: Cassie
Air Date: January 14, 2002
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #069
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. Satori (aka: Ellen Polaski) belongs to John Brancato and Michael Ferris, Delusional Pictures, and NCB broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Krycek is faced with the question of whether or not he'd like to become the Devil.
Recap: In the previous episode of "Fox & Rat", Scully and Krycek disappeared from the others. God asks Scully to take over his position in Heaven as "God". Scully's test for being God was to pick one person help their life, she chose Doggett and had the Gunmen deliver a home video and a picture of everyone that died. Doggett named his puppy beagle "Buddy". We find out that though Scully helped Doggett take another step in getting over their death, that she can't let go of it. God tells Scully that they weren't supposed to die but did because himself and the Devil were selfish and wanted to go into retirement. We discovered that the Devil wishes to make Krycek the next Devil. And off a fade out of Mulder and Marita kissing passionately we begin the second half of our story...
FADE IN:
ANGLE ON - MULDER & MARITA
They are involved in a very passionate kiss in a street ally. Scully and Skinner are talking in the background. Our vision is altered so it is as if we are now seeing Mulder and Marita through a crystal ball.
INT. BIG EMPTY ROOM - continuous
Krycek is standing over a table that has a crystal ball in the center. He isn't happy with what he is seeing. He's glaring at the crystal ball with a pissed off look on his face.
KRYCEK
(to crystal ball/mad/to Mulder)
Why you... if I ever get my hands
on you, you'll never live to regret it!
Mulder and Marita haven't parted for minutes and they continue on despite knowing better.
KRYCEK
(very mad)
RULE NUMBER ONE!
Suddenly the Devil appears in front of him, he doesn't notice because he is attempting to strangle the crystal ball.
DEVIL
You're not talking to yourself again are you?
'Cause if you are, I really don't want to know
why you are going at the ball like that.
Krycek just about wets himself and jumps back in his chair. The Devil scared him and embarrassed him.
KRYCEK
Wh-where did you come from?
DEVIL
Hell.
Krycek gives her a weird look, does she have to be so happy to state that fact?
DEVIL
I've got something to propose-
KRYCEK
(nervous)
-Propose? Look, y-you... if there's
any proposing gonna happen, it's me
to Marita. Ok? (looks at crystal ball)
And I'm stuck here as Mulder is breaking
Rule Number One!
Krycek angrily points at the crystal ball. The Devil looks deviously at him, and smiles.
DEVIL
I would like to offer you the
opportunity to rule Hell.
This wasn't what Krycek would think the Devil would say to him at a moment like this.
KRYCEK
Ummmm...
DEVIL
Don't go and make your decision just yet.
I do have to make sure you're what the
Underworld needs in a ruler.
KRYCEK
Ummmm...
The Devil walks to Krycek, who is now seated, and sits in his lap.
DEVIL
(sweet/loving/suck up-ish)
Alex, really, I saw you and your devilish
charm, personality and seductive good-looks.
I knew that of all the souls I've met, that
you are the one with the most potential.
KRYCEK
(full of himself)
Yeah... I am good lookin'.
The Devil gives him a sexy smile and starts running her fingers through his hair.
DEVIL
Follow me. We'll see if you'll
turn out to be the next Prince
of Darkness.
She stands up and leads Krycek out of the BIG EMPTY ROOM and into: INT. JANITOR'S LOUNGE - FBI BASEMENT - MORNING
The lights are off since it is still so early. The Devil and Krycek appear. Krycek looks around expecting to be somewhere more hellish.
KRYCEK
Hey, I know this place. Why are we here?
DEVIL
Well, what you need to do is make
one person's life a living Hell
for a day.
KRYCEK
Oh this will be easy... I'll get Alfredo-
DEVIL
-No. Whoever comes through that door first.
Besides, Alfredo is too easy for you. But...
The Devil looks toward the door, expecting it to open and it does. A tired Doggett enters and flips on the lights.
DEVIL
(to Krycek)
Go at it, I'll watch your work elsewhere.
KRYCEK
(confused)
How do I- ?
DEVIL
Use your mind. I gave you the power.
The Devil disappears, leaving Krycek alone to make Doggett's day bad.
KRYCEK
Aw man! I gotta be mean to Doggett!
(beat) Ah well... I bet he's made
eye contact with Marita at some point.
Doggett picks up the plug for the coffee machine and plugs it into the outlet, but it starts smoking up because of some electrical problem caused by Krycek. Doggett curses under his breath as he puts out the fire with a fire extinguisher and gives up on relying on a caffeine fix to get him through the morning. Krycek lets out a laugh.
KRYCEK
(to self)
That was kinda funny! What else can I do?
Doggett opens the door to leave the lounge and trips over his own feet, falling out into the hallway in front of Agent Spender. Spender gives Doggett a strange look.
SPENDER
Morning Agent Doggett.
Doggett mumbles something to Spender, stands up and walks into his office. TIME CUT:
INT. DOGGETT/REYES OFFICE - LATE MORNING
Doggett has fallen asleep at his desk, and we see Deputy Director Kersh standing in the doorway, watching him. Krycek is sitting on his old desk and has killed some more daisies, he's covering his mouth, trying not to laugh at Doggett being watched by an angry Kersh. By the looks of it, Kersh has been standing there for quite some time now. Monica Reyes steps into frame, right next to Kersh.
MONICA
Sir? Why are you standing here?
KERSH
Your partner, Agent Reyes, is sleeping
on the job. (beat) I came down here to
offer him a case outside of the x-files
mainstream, as a way of working him out
of the division, however, I've changed
my mind.
Kersh excuses himself from their office. Monica quietly approaches Doggett and shakes him awake. Doggett groggily lifts up his head and looks at her.
DOGGETT
I feel like I was out drinking
last night (beat) but I didn't.
Krycek laughs hard, he gave Doggett a bad hangover for no reason and made Kersh mad at him.
MONICA
Oh Johnny... why'd you do that?
Especially when you know you had
to be here early.
DOGGETT
(barly lifting head off desk)
I said I didn't.
Monica gives him a look, she doesn't believe him. Too bad she doesn't get a weird "feeling" from this, she heads over to her desk. Krycek is having a jolly good time.
MONICA
(not meaning to tell Doggett this)
Oh and John... Kersh was down here.
He was going to offer you a case
outside our division, but he saw you sleeping...
Doggett gives her a look, he didn't want to know that. CUT TO:
EXT. CLOUDS - AFTERLIFE
Scully, Skinner, Marita and Mulder are walking side-by-side, all of them are wearing white and look angelic. God must be smiling upon them. They are more serious and not goofing off at the moment.
SCULLY
... and I was offered the position
of God.
Marita looks at her, worried.
MARITA
Are you God now?
SKINNER
Is that why we're dressed in white?
SCULLY
No. I found out that I don't need
to have power to be happy. I just
need what is important, which is
you guys.
Mulder is touched and hugs Scully, she hugs him back.
MULDER
I'm glad you're still Scully, Scully.
Skinner laughs at Mulder, he can be such a "Mulder" sometimes. Marita jumps in and hugs the both of them too.
MARITA
I love you guys!
CUT TO: INT. DOGGETT/REYES OFFICE - EARLY EVENING
Monica is looking at Doggett with sympathy. Doggett is on the phone with someone, we see that his clothes have been torn, his shoes are leaning up against the heater, because somehow they got soaking wet. Doggett hangs up the phone. Krycek pushes it to the floor and it breaks. Doggett looks like he's about to cry, he had given up hope that the day would get better hours ago, in the hopes that having that mindset would actually improve his day. It didn't.
DOGGETT
Mon', I'm gonna cut out of here
early. Satori's comin' over to
my place.
Monica gives him a look, he knows better than to leave early.
DOGGETT
Honestly Mon', after today, I
don't think the Deputy Director
will mind.
MONICA
I'd have to agree with you on that.
He didn't seem too impressed that you
broke the water pipe to the water fountain
outside his office right after you yelled
at him about blocking your advancement.
Krycek laughs from behind Doggett, he thinks this is so amusing.
MONICA
Would you like me to stop by
when I get off?
DOGGETT
Nah... I think I'll be fine with
Satori. She said she was gonna uh...
"cleanse my aura". She thinks bad
spirits are around me... I don't know why.
Doggett slips on his soaking wet shoes and leaves, his shoes squish and squeak as he walks down the hallway off screen. Monica shakes her head, poor Johnny. TIME CUT:
INT. DOGGETT'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - 8pm
For some reason the electricity in his house isn't working. Must be Krycek. Satori is over and Doggett is lying face down on his bed, without his shirt on. Satori is giving him a back massage. A bottle of wine is on the nightstand, it is empty. Satori looks worried for Doggett and Krycek is nowhere to be seen.
SATORI
(explaining)
Something is definately wrong, that
is why I put purified sea salt at all
entrances to your bedroom. To force
evil spirits out.
DOGGETT
(relaxed by the wine)
That's good...
We see Krycek standing outside the bedroom door, he looks pissed. He can't get in to do mean things to Doggett, he really wants to be a Prince. POV - KRYCEK
Doggett turns over to face Satori, she gives him a smile. Doggett reaches out and takes Satori's face in his hand and lowers her to him and kisses her. The mix of wine and the massage and candle light have aroused him. Doggett rolls over on top of Satori and runs his hand up her shirt. Though Satori knows this isn't right for them, she goes along with it and starts to undo Doggett's pants.
ANGLE - KRYCEK
He's terrified!
KRYCEK
NO! Doggett can't get lucky!
John?! STOP! NO-OOOOOOOOOO!
Doggett and Satori continue to make love and the bedroom door mysteriously shuts. Krycek can't even watch. TIME CUT:
INT. DOGGETT'S BEDROOM - 11PM
Krycek has left Doggett's house and has gone elsewhere, he got bored.
The electricity has been restored and Doggett and Satori are no longer in bed. Infact Mulder, Scully, Marita and Skinner are hanging out in his bedroom, oblivious to what happened there earlier. We hear the shower running in the master bathroom, it turns off.
Skinner and Marita are lying on Doggett's unmade bed, just talking. Mulder is wandering around being nosy. He's looking at everything he possibly can. Scully is sitting on the floor, playing with Buddy (the dog). Since they have been dead for quite some time, she has figured out how to move solid objects. She picks up Buddy's tennis ball and throws it across the room, just as the door to the bathroom opens, revealing Doggett with a towel wrapped around his waist. Doggett gives his dog a weird look as it retrieves the ball and returns it to where Scully is sitting. Buddy drops the ball and barks at nothing.
Doggett steps out of the bathroom and grabs a pair of sweatpants from a chair
DOGGETT
(calling out)
Satori?
There's no answer, he re-enters the bathroom, only half-way closing the door, we see Scully trying to sneak a peek. When he comes back out, he's wearing the pants, he grabs a white t-shirt and slips it on. Footsteps are coming up the stairs, Doggett kneels down next to Buddy, almost stepping on Scully, who is staring at him in admiration, perhaps she had a better view of Doggett in the bathroom than us...
SATORI
(walking into room)
John...
Doggett stands up, holding Buddy's tennis ball. Satori looks as if she's about to leave. She seems uncomfortable and as if she wants to tell him something.
DOGGETT
(holding up ball)
Was that you who threw this?
SATORI
(unsure of how to say this)
John, about tonight... um... I don't
normally do that sort of thing with
someone I barely know. (beat) We shouldn't
see eachother outside a formal meeting
anymore. We're not meant to be. We're not
soul mates, John. If we continue to pursue
this relationship, we'll only be hurt in the
end. We mustn't cheat ourselves out of finding
true love. We cannot refuse to search for
our true soul mate.
Doggett is a little taken aback, Satori didn't really deliver this statement well. After the bad day he had, Doggett isn't in the mood for this kind of weird paranormal "feelings" soul mate conversation.
DOGGETT
(confused/doesn't want to listen)
What are you talking about?
SATORI
It's all based on feelings, John.
Don't you feel something in your
heart telling you not to follow this path?
Doggett gives her a look, one that Monica receives often.
DOGGETT
How can you say that after what
happened between us tonight?
SATORI
I'm sensitive to my life's path...
it's hard to explain to a skeptic
like yourself-
DOGGETT
-That's not important. I don't
see why we just can't give this a try.
SATORI
(sighs)
I feel something is about to change...
either in my life or in your's.
Maybe both.
They continue talking as the dead gang discuss what may have happened between Doggett and Satori.
MULDER
Did he sleep with her?
SKINNER
I would have tried.
Marita slaps Skinner on his shoulder, and gives him a look.
SCULLY
(jealous)
She's a slut!
MULDER
(laughs)
And you weren't?
SCULLY
Shut up Fox.
Mulder looks hurt by Scully using his name in a scolding manner. He pouts.
MARITA
(listening in on Doggett/Satori)
That's so cute, she wants him to
find his true soul mate. (beat/happy)
What if it's me?
SKINNER
That'd be depressing since you're dead
and he's not. (beat/looks at her) Besides,
aren't you already taken?
He winks at her and gives her a goofy smile. As the dead gang continue talking amongst themselves. Doggett and Satori head downstairs quietly. Doggett seems to be pondering what Satori tried to explain. Upon noticing they left the bedroom, the dead gang follow them downstairs. Scully and Buddy are still playing with the ball. Downstairs, Satori opens the front door and steps outside.
DOGGETT
Satori?
She turns around to face him.
DOGGETT
How am I supposed to know- ?
SATORI
-You just will...
Seeing the confusion and hopeless look on his face, she goes and kisses him on the cheek, then turns around and walks out the door without saying a word and without looking back. Once she's out of sight, Doggett shuts the door.
Buddy's tennis ball flies into the living room, quickly followed by Buddy. The ball lands on the couch, Buddy picks the ball up and it gets stuck in his mouth. A transparent Scully walks into the room. Doggett sits down next to Buddy and takes the ball out of his mouth.
DOGGETT
(to dog)
What have you been eatin' Bud?
Scully is now kneeling on the ground in front of Buddy, he's looking at her with playful eyes. Then Buddy happily looks up at Doggett, then back at Scully and barks a happy bark and then runs out of the room. Doggett and Scully look after the dog, confused.
SCULLY/DOGGETT
What's got into you?
CUT TO: INT. JANITOR'S LOUNGE - NEXT MORNING
Doggett and Monica are eating doughnuts while watching the morning news on CNN. Nothing much going on, some tidbits about the middle east.
MONICA
You've been awfully quiet this morning...
DOGGETT
Didn't sleep well, too much
to think about.
Monica looks at him, trying to get a sense of what could be bothering her friend. Nothing comes to her and Doggett doesn't elaborate. CUT TO:
INT. BIG EMPTY ROOM
The Devil is sitting her legs resting on top of her desk. She's reading a book titled "How To Con Someone Into Taking Your Bad Job". Krycek bursts through the door, looking very excited.
KRYCEK
That was so much fun! I had
no clue The Afterlife offered
advancement opportunities like this!
When do I start?
He plops down into the chair and gives the Devil a smile that states: "I'm all that! Yeah buddy!"
DEVIL
Well, there's one more detail...
you have to leave your little group
of friends (beat/off his look) To be
the ruler of Hell, you must be seen
as a superior, not as an equal.
KRYCEK
(not sure anymore)
Ok... I was all ready until now.
I won't leave Marita. (beat) Scully,
Mulder, Skinner... yeah, I guess
I could leave them, but not my Marita.
The Devil has anticipated this and has a plan.
DEVIL
Let's see, I could perform a certain
ceremony so when you take my place,
Marita could stay with you always.
Krycek raises an eyebrow.
KRYCEK
I'm listening.
DEVIL
You said something about proposing
marriage to her... I could marry the
two of you and name you the Prince and
Princess of Darkness.
KRYCEK
(demanding)
King and Queen.
DEVIL
If I do that, you must promise
to become the Devil.
Krycek stands up and shoves his face close to hers, each of them giving the other the evil eye.
KRYCEK
Only if you marry me and Marita.
The Devil takes a step back and snaps her fingers.
DEVIL
(happy)
It is done.
SMASH CUT: INT. UNHOLY ROOM OF FLAMES
The Devil is dressed in a royal red satin dress, she's holding a golden pitchfork. Before her stand Krycek and Marita. Krycek is now wearing a dark red tux and Marita is in a red lacy wedding gown, her hair is done up in small itty bitty blond curls.
Krycek takes Marita's hand in his, she gives him a scared look. How the heck did she get here?! Weird, spooky, evil organ music is playing that either reminds us of Halloween or the movie Beetlejuice.
DEVIL
Do you Alex Sergeiovich Krycek take
Marita Lynn Covarrubias to be your unholy
wife of The Underworld, until life do you part?
KRYCEK
I do.
Krycek looks lovingly at Marita, she stands there in shock.
DEVIL
(to Marita/scaring her)
And do you, Marita Lynn Covarrubias take
Alex Sergeiovich Krycek to be your unholy
husband of The Underworld, until life do you part?
MARITA
(no way/saying "no")
I really do-
DEVIL
-So be it! By the power I now pass
on to you, Alex Krycek, I use for the
last time to pronounce you King and Queen
of Hell. Mister and Missus Alex Sergeiovich
Krycek (beat/to Krycek) You may kiss the bride.
Krycek lifts the veil from Marita's face and kisses her, as they kiss the Devil disappears... free from her position as the ruler of Hell. As the flames around Krycek and Marita rise, we: FADE OUT:
THE END.
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