Title: "April 4th"
Written by: Kristi
Story by: Cassie
Air Date: September 23, 2002
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #080
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
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Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: It's Doggett's birthday and he's having a bad day.

Zeke Ramone's Review:
"April 4th"... this new episode of "Fox & Rat" is filled with B.S. cases, interrogation, and a not so happy birthday for John Doggett. We get to get a glimpse of what Doggett's family is like... and learn not to give Johnny Jay Doggett any kind of suprise. A highly entertaining episode.

---

FADE IN:

INT. DOGGETT'S HOUSE - MORNING
APRIL 4

Doggett is standing in front of his mirror putting on his tie. He smiles at himself then turns and heads downstairs. Buddy greets him at the foot of the stairs, wagging his tail. Doggett notices the red light blinking on his answering machine. He hits play.

MA DOGGETT
(V.O./singing/hick accent)
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!
happy Birthday Johnny Jay! Happy Birthday to you!
(beat) Good morning honey, like every year
at this on this day you get to
hear my voice first. Betsy told me to
tell ya happy birthday too, and your brother
and his wife ought to give ya a ring later today...

The message continues until the machine cuts them off. Doggett goes to the kitchen and fixes himself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a glass of orange juice.

CUT TO:

INT. FBI - MONICA/DOGGETT OFFICE

Scully, Mulder, Krycek, Skinner and Monica are all in the office.

MONICA
Ok, so promise me that no
one will let him know.

They all nod their heads in agreement. Off stage, and elevator dings open.

MONICA
No one say anything.

She runs to the door and pokes her head out to see who's out there.

POV - MONICA

She sees Marita step out of the elevator with a dozen colorful balloons.

Monica quickly runs out of the office and up to Marita. She pushes Marita back into the elevator.

INT. ELEVATOR

MARITA
What are you doing, Monica?

The elevator door closes.

MONICA
You can't bring those here.

MARITA
But they're for Johnny.

MONICA
Not now...

The elevator makes its way up. Monica notices.

MONICA
Oh crap.

MARITA
What?

MONICA
Ok, we're throwing Johnny
a surprise party... we can't
let him know that we know
his birthday is today.

Marita realizes that now she might have ruined the surprise. Suddenly, the elevator doors open. Doggett stands out side.

He sees the balloons and a smile comes across his face.

DOGGETT
(happy)
Hey guys.

Monica quickly hits the close door button. A confused look crosses Doggett's face.

DOGGETT
Monica?

The doors shut.

CUT TO:

INT. MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY OFFICE

Doggett is in there. Mulder has a file in his hand. Krycek is about to laugh.

DOGGETT
So your telling me that an
anonymous A.D. assigned all
three of us to work on this
case about a leprechaun at
the end of a rainbow.

Mulder nods his head.

DOGGETT
The best way to solve this
case is to go eat your Lucky
Charms, Agent Mulder.

Krycek bursts out laughing. Doggett turns and glares at him.

DOGGETT
Laugh it up... this is your
case too, Agent Krycek.

He continues laughing. Doggett rolls his eyes and leaves the office. Mulder comes running after him.

MULDER
But Agent Doggett, you've
been assigned to this case!

Doggett turns to face him.

DOGGETT
It's a work of fiction.
There's no way I'm working
on that frickin' case.

Mulder stops dead in his tracks and doesn't say another word.

INT. DOGGETT/REYES OFFICE

Doggett enters his office. No one is there. He goes over to his desk... he's looking for something... what ever it is, he doesn't find it on his desk. He moves over to Monica's desk. He opens drawers, lifts papers, etc.

DOGGETT
(talking to himself)
No card, no nothin'?

MONICA (O.S.)
What are you doing?

Doggett stops and looks up at her. He says nothing.

MONICA
Johnny?

DOGGETT
I was looking for
a birthday card.

Monica smiles.

MONICA
For me?

Doggett gives her a glare.

DOGGETT
Come on, Monica. You know
it's not for you. (beat)
What's today?

MONICA
Thursday...

DOGGETT
April...

MONICA
Fourth...

DOGGETT
Does that mean anything to you?

Monica pretends to think about it.

MONICA
Nope...

DOGGETT
Ok... Mulder will know. He
remembers important dates.

He leaves the office, getting a little mad and frustrated.

INT. MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY OFFICE

Mulder is catching Scully up to date with the leprechaun case. Krycek and Scully don't look amused.

SCULLY
Mulder... it's not real.

MULDER
(demanding)
Yes it is.

KRYCEK
Do you really think that
it would be real with a
picture of the Lucky Charms
guy included with the file?

MULDER
(serious)
How long have I been
telling you he's real?
This is proof!

Doggett enters the office.

SCULLY
You can't work on this
case Mulder... we've got
places to be tonight.

DOGGETT
Places to be?

They all quiet down. Doggett waits for an answer.

MULDER
Yeah Scully, places to be?

SCULLY
Um... well... we were
having a girls night
out and Mulder was joining us.

DOGGETT
(disappointed)
Oh.

MULDER
Doggett, what's wrong?

Doggett hesitates.

DOGGETT
Oh nothing... does anyone know
the importance of today's date?

MULDER
No... just another Thursday.

SCULLY
Oh that reminds me! I have
to set my VCR to tape CSI.

Doggett gives them all a look... hoping someone will say "Happy Birthday" to him. No one does. He leaves frustrated.

INT. DOGGETT/REYES OFFICE

Monica is on the phone with someone. Doggett comes in. He's mad.

DOGGETT
Monica.

She holds her finger up, telling him to wait.

MONICA
(into phone)
Yes, sir.

Doggett goes over to her desk. His hand slams down on the receiver. Monica looks up at him in shock.

MONICA
That was Kersh!

DOGGETT
I don't care.

MONICA
You don't care that I
might lose my job
because of that?

DOGGETT
You know what today is.
Why are you being difficult?

MONICA
I'm being difficult?

Doggett says nothing. He's getting frustrated.

DOGGETT
You're coming with me.

He pulls her up out of her seat and drags her out by the arm.

INT. HALL

Scully is walking down the hall. Doggett drags Monica towards the elevator.

SCULLY
Hey guys.

Doggett stops, still hanging on to Monica. Scully has coffee in her hands.

DOGGETT
(begging/to Scully)
Do you know anything about today, please?

Scully smiles at him. And just pats him on the shoulder. Doggett gets frustrated again and continues to drag Monica to wherever he's going.

MONICA
You know Johnny, if I
loose my job because
of you, you’re giving me
your pay checks.

Doggett says nothing and pushes her into the elevator.

CUT TO:

INT. MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY OFFICE

Scully enters.

SCULLY
Guys, I think Doggett's
mad that we haven't wished
him a happy birthday.

KRYCEK
You know what Monica said.

MULDER
Yeah, we can't let him
know that we know.
It's a surprise.

CUT TO:

INT. INTEROGATION ROOM

Monica sits alone. The only light in the room is right above her. Getting hotter by the second.

MONICA
Why are you doing this?

Doggett steps out of the shadows and leans forward on the desk... into the light.

DOGGETT
I know you know it's
my birthday. (beat)
What are you up to?

Monica says nothing. He shines the light in her eyes.

MONICA
Owe! What the hell is
with the interrogation?

DOGGETT
(yelling)
Tell me!

There is a beat of silence.

MONICA
(calm)
We're throwing you
a surprise-

DOGGETT
(yelling)
-I hate surprise parties!

MONICA
But everytime I've tried
to throw you one, you found
out... so how do you know
you hate surprise parties?

Doggett glares at her.

MONICA
And can you please stop
blinding me with the light.

Doggett keeps the light on her.

DOGGETT
Call it off.

MONICA
No. (beat) Act surprised, ok?

DOGGETT
No. Where is it?

Monica tries to give him a sly look through the bright light. It doesn't work.

MONICA
I'm not telling and
I'm not calling it off.

With that she gets up. Doggett doesn't try to stop her. She goes to the door to open it. But it doesn't open!

MONICA
Oh my god! You locked me in?!

She hits the door and turns around to face him. A smirk is on his face.

DOGGETT
Tell me where it's going to be.

MONICA
Let me out and I will.

Doggett goes over to the door with keys. He unlocks the door. Monica quickly opens the door and runs out before Doggett can stop her.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. DOGGETT'S HOUSE - THAT NIGHT

All the lights are off. Doggett hesitantly slips his key into the lock. The door opens and Doggett steps in, expecting loud shouts of "Surprise!"... but nothing comes.

Suddenly, Doggett is attacked by someone inside his house. Doggett punches the intruder. The intruder in turn smashes a lamp over Doggett's head. Amazingly, Doggett doesn't get knocked out. Doggett goes for his gun. The intruder notices, and takes the gun before Doggett can use it. The intruder throws anther punch and then knocks Doggett over the head with the butt of the gun. Doggett falls to the ground. The intruder punches him one more time, just to make sure.

The intruder tries to pick him up. He can't, so he drags him outside and into Doggett's truck.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. SKINNER'S CABIN BY THE LAKE - TWO HOURS LATER

Everyone is there: Scully, Skinner, Monica, Marita, and Mulder. They are waiting around.

SKINNER
(checking his watch)
They should be here by now.

MARITA
I'm worried.

Mulder digs his hands into a bowl of potato chips.

SCULLY
You don't think Krycek
killed him do you?

MONICA
Doggett wouldn't let him.
(beat) He always told me
that he would die when he
was ready, not when someone
else chooses.

Outside, they hear a truck pull up.

MARITA
(excited)
That's them! Shut the lights off!

She ducks behind the couch with Skinner. The lights go off, and everyone hides. The door slowly opens. Krycek turns on the light after Doggett enters. Everyone pops up.

ALL
Surprise!

Doggett, we see, looks horrible. Bruises, black eye, cuts, he looks like hell... like he just got out of 9x07 "John Doe". He does not look happy. Monica gives him a look to act surprised. He just walks in and sits down on the couch.

SCULLY
(to Krycek)
What the hell did you do to him?

Krycek shrugs.

KRYCEK
He fought back. Then he came
to in the truck and I had
to fight him again.

MONICA
We wanted you to kidnap
him, not try to kill him.

She smacks him over the head.

Mulder approaches Doggett with a baseball bat.

MULDER
Do you want to hit
the piñata first?

Doggett looks up at Mulder with a blank expression. He takes the bat and slowly gets up off the couch.

Suddenly, he starts to scream as he lunges towards Krycek with the bat. Krycek's eyes go wide with fear. He runs as fast as he can to get away from Doggett.

Everyone starts laughing at Krycek. As Krycek continues to be chased by Doggett, scared for his life. Marita stops laughing.

MARITA
Guys... you don't think
Johnny's going to kill
Krycek do you?

Everyone stops laughing.

SKINNER
(realizing she could be right)
Oh god, stop him!

Skinner and Monica go after Doggett, trying to stop him from hurting or killing Krycek. Krycek hides behind Mulder, Scully and Marita. Skinner tries to get the bat out of Doggett's hand. Monica trips and falls over the presents. We hear some shattering of glass as she falls.

Off of this silly crazy site, we...

FADE OUT:

THE END.

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