Review By: Cerasi J. “This is Alex Krycek, sexy film director.” Ah, finally! No more waiting! Season Six is finally here! Robot 2000 is a wonderful new episode that kicks off what is sure to be a wonderful new season! This episode starts off with sexy film director Alex Krycek body-slamming the timid Robert Alfredo for stealing the love-of-his-life? (And Mulder thought the fight was over a ‘Hawaiian Bunny’ tape!) But enough about Krycek and his love-life, what about Monica and Scully’s new neighbors? Are they going to have to call the police or just figure out a way to shut the electricty off? While Dana and Monica are plotting ways to send a V2 towards their new upstairs neighbors, Krycek has a very interesting meeting with Director Kersh! After all that, it’s finally time to see the premier of Krycek’s new movie, Robot 2000! Will Krycek’s movie be a million-dollar monie winner, or a box-office smash? Find out in this great new episode of FRVS! |
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Title: "Robot 2000"
Written by: Kristi
Date: May 1-2, 2003; June 10, 2003; July 15, 2003
Air Date: September 8, 2003
Rating: PG-13
Series: FRVS - Episode #101
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: We love it. Please e-mail us at frvs.feedback@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The idea for "Robot 2000" (the movie in the episode) came to my head as I was watching the movie "Halloween". I decided it would be fun to use the idea in "Fox & Rat"... and this is how I did it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Summary: The gang returns back from their European voyage and Krycek takes them to a movie!
FADE IN:
EXT. ROBERT ALFREDO'S APARTMENT - 7 A.M.
Mulder and Krycek pull up in Mulder's red convertible and stomp loudly up the buildings stairs to the second floor and angrily make their way down the hall and to Alfredo's apartment door.
POV - BEHIND MULDER & KRYCEK
We see their heads (a la "Pulp Fiction" with Travolta and Jackson in the beginning of the film).
Mulder knocks loudly three times. There is a beat before the door opens and Marita Covarrubias answers Alfredo's door.
MULDER
(not realizing it's Marita)
Alfredo, we want our "Hawaiian Bunny"
tape back. (beat) Wait a second, you're
not Robert Alfredo!
KRYCEK
Yeah!
Marita smiles at the boys.
MARITA
Did you have a nice trip?
KRYCEK
Why are you just wearing
a t-shirt and underwear?
MARITA
I slept here last night.
MULDER
We need to talk to Alfredo.
MARITA
He's sleeping right now.
ALFREDO (O.S.)
Who's at the door, Marita?
MARITA
(to Mulder & Krycek)
Well, I have to go now.
She starts to shut the door, but Krycek stops her, and makes his way in. Mulder follows.
MARITA
(as Krycek pushes past her)
Oh my goodness.
KRYCEK
(mad)
Alfredo?! You're dead!
MULDER
(encouraging Krycek)
Yeah!
KRYCEK
Get out here you
pencil pushing prick!
MULDER
(encouraging Krycek)
Yeah!Krycek waits for Alfredo to answer, but he doesn't.
KRYCEK
Well?! Where are ya? (beat)
Too scared to come face me
after stealing my woman?!
MULDER
Yeah! You yellow belly- Wait.
I thought we were here about the tape.Krycek ignores him.
KRYCEK
Get our here you squirmy little worm!
MARITA
Alex! Stop it! This is exactly
why I won't be with you!Krycek looks back at her. Not mad, rather hurt.
KRYCEK
(to Marita; meaningful)
But I love you…
MARITA
(screaming)
And I love Robert!On cue, Robert Alfredo comes into the living room. Krycek turns around and sees him. So many emotions are going through Krycek: hurt, love, anger, sadness, aggression, confusion…
ALFREDO
Hey fellas-
Krycek punches Alfredo and knocks him to the ground.
MULDER
(cheering)
Yeah! Go Krycek! Get
our tape back! Whoo!Krycek and Alfredo are busy battling it out.
KRYCEK
(mad)
How dare you!
WHACK!
ALFREDO
(defending himself)
We had a deal!WHACK!
MARITA
(high squeaky voice/screaming)
STOP THIS!! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!Marita's outburst causes Krycek and Alfredo to stop fighting.
MARITA
You have both upset me very much!She quickly walks into Alfredo's room and slams the door.
MULDER
(not getting it)
See, even Marita is upset that you
haven't given us our "Hawaiian
Bunny" tape back.
Mulder gives Alfredo a "Shame, shame" look. Krycek gets up off the floor.
KRYCEK
(to Mulder)
You imbecile!He hits Mulder over the head.
KRYCEK
This isn't about the damn tape anymore!
MULDER
(confused)
It isn't?
KRYCEK
He stole my Marita!Mulder looks as if he gets it…
MULDER
Wait, you and Marita aren't together anymore.
KRYCEK
(mad/covering his emotion)
Shut up!Alfredo gets up off the floor and wipes blood off of his face.
ALFREDO
I'd like you both to leave right now.
MULDER
But what about-
ALFREDO
(mad)
-Now.Mulder doesn't say another word. He turns and leaves the apartment. Krycek stays for a beat to glare at Alfredo.
CUT TO:
INT. SCULLY, MARITA, MONICA APRARTMENT - 7:15 A.M.
Scully and Monica are trying to get their luggage through the door. Mainly Scully is having problem with her big, heavy, full of souvenirs suitcase.
MONICA
(oblivious to Scully's problem)
I hope Marita isn't here. I'm not
in the mood to see her. I'm sure
you understand…
Scully continues to fumble around. Monica sets her suitcase down in the living room.
MONICA
Do you think we should order a pizza?
I know it's only seven in the morning,
but a pizza sounds really good, ya know?Scully falls into the apartment, not accomplishing to get her suitcase in. Monica notices.
MONICA
Need some help?Scully gets up off the ground.
SCULLY
Yeah…Monica comes over like the "tough Reyes" that she is. She grabs the suitcase and picks it up, almost falling over from the weight.
MONICA
Geez Dana, what do you have
in here? The Eiffel Tower?
SCULLY
Just some small things I
got along the way.Scully sits on the couch and turns on the TV to watch the morning cartoons, leaving Monica with her suitcase.
It takes a struggle, but Monica eventually gets the suitcase in. She sits down on the couch next to Dana and watches cartoons.
The apartment is nice and quiet, a sign that Marita is not there today. When suddenly, a huge, loud ground shaking THUD from above catches their attention.
Monica and Scully share a look.
SCULLY
What the hell was that?
MONICA
I don't know…They both look up. The THUD comes again.
MONICA
I could feel that on the couch.
SCULLY
I know.
They hear mumbled talking.
MONICA
We have neighbors living above us?
SCULLY
Guess we do now…They turn their attention back to the TV. The mumbled talking from above gets louder and louder, eventually turning into a yelling fight with a few colorful words.
SCULLY
(annoyed)
Geez… it's 7:30 in the frickin' morning…
MONICA
Yeah, what if we were sleeping
instead of having jet-lag?
Their phone rings, and the upstairs neighbors move their yelling match else where in the apartment. Scully picks up the phone.
SCULLY
Hello?
KRYCEK (FILTERED)
Hi!
SCULLY
You're awfully awake for a Saturday morning.
KRYCEK
I know! (beat) Anyway, I'm calling
to invite you and Monica to come
to see the Saturday premiere
of my movie "Robot 2000".
SCULLY
(amused)
You made a movie? (beat)
It isn't a porno is it?
KRYCEK
No, it's called "Robot 2000". It's
a futuristic-sci-fi-thriller.He sounds so proud.
KRYCEK
I totally forgot that it opened
yesterday, so I'm taking
everyone to see it tonight!
SCULLY
(unsure what to think)
And it's called "Robot 2000"…?
KRYCEK
Yep.
SCULLY
It's not really futuristic
if it's "2000" you know.
There is a quiet beat.
KRYCEK
So… that's just what it's called.
(beat) I'm picking everyone up
at around six o'clock tonight.
(beat) We're gonna beat the
crowd. My movie's gonna be a hit!Krycek's overly proudness brings a smile to Scully's face.
SCULLY
Ok, sounds like it'll be fun.
KRYCEK
It will be!
SCULLY
Ok, bye.
KRYCEK
Bye-bye!She hangs up the phone and gives Monica a look.
MONICA
I'm almost afraid to ask,
but what's "Robot 2000"?
SCULLY
Krycek's movie.
MONICA
Movie?Off Monica's surprised look…
CUT TO:
INT. DOGGETT'S HOUSE - 7:30 A.M.
All is quiet and Doggett is sitting on his couch, looking at a miniature Eiffel Tower structure. He has a sad look on his face.
DOGGETT
(to himself)
If only…Buddy looks at him and lets out a sigh, bored of Doggett being pathetic.
CUT TO:
INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN- 8:15 A.M.
Krycek is sitting on the kitchen counter with a paper of "Super Buddy Phone Numbers" in front of him. He's concentrated while dialing a number.
Mulder comes in.
MULDER
Who are you calling?
KRYCEK
Skinman.
MULDER
Why?
KRYCEK
I'm inviting him to come see
my movie, "Robot 2000", tonight
with everyone. (beat) Pick up your phone!
WOMAN'S VOICE (FILTERED)
(tired)
Hello?
KRYCEK
Hey, is Skinman there? (beat)
Wait… who is this?
WOMAN'S VOICE
(awake now)
Oh, um…
There's some noise of fumbling the phone around on the other end.
SKINNER (FILTERED)
Hello?
KRYCEK
Who's the pretty lady's voice belong to?
SKINNER
(lying)
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yes he does…
KRYCEK
The woman who answered
your phone. Who is she?
This catches Mulder's attention.
SKINNER
(irritated)
Why are you calling?
KRYCEK
You're coming to see my movie tonight.
SKINNER
You made a movie (beat/under breath)
Oh god, help us all…
KRYCEK
Yeah, I'll pick you up at six
and then you'll tell me who
the pretty lady is.
He hangs up, not giving Skinner a chance to say another word.
MULDER
Skinman's got a woman?
KRYCEK
I think so. She answered his phone.
MULDER
Did he say who?
KRYCEK
No.
MULDER
We're gonna have to
interrogate him tonight!
KRYCEK
I know!
Mulder points to a pen.
MULDER
Make a note of it!
Krycek picks up the pen and writes a note to interrogate Skinner about this mystery woman. He writes it on his hand. The phone rings and Krycek screams and drops it. He wasn't expecting anyone to be calling this early in the morning.
Mulder goes over and picks the phone up off the ground.
MULDER
Hello?
KERSH (FILTERED)
This is Deputy Director Kersh.
MULDER
Oh hi, sir.
KERSH
I need to speak with Agent Krycek.
MULDER
Sure, no problemo!Mulder hands the phone to Krycek and leaves the room.
KRYCEK
(Mr. Ego)
This is Alex Krycek, sexy film director.
KERSH
Agent Krycek, I need to speak with
you in my office today.
KRYCEK
But it's a frickin' Saturday!
KERSH
(sounds threatening)
Are you declining?
KRYCEK
No sir, not at all. I'll be in right away.
He hangs up the phone.
KRYCEK
Mulder, I've got to go in to work today.
MULDER
Oh! Goody! We can throw pencils
up at the-
KRYCEK
Just me, Mulder.
MULDER
(bummed out)
Ok…He sits down on the couch and turns on the TV.
CUT TO:
INT. KERSH'S OUTER OFFICE - 9:15 A.M.
Krycek walks in, wearing a nice work suit and all. Kersh's secretary isn't there on this glorious Saturday. Krycek goes up to Kersh's door and knocks three times.
KERSH (O.S.)
Come in.
Krycek opens the door and comes in. Kersh isn't wearing a work suit, he's in a New York Knicks T-shirt and jeans.
KRYCEK
(nervous)
Good morning, sir.
KERSH
Good morning, Agent Krycek. Have a seat.
Kersh motions to the chair in front of his desk. Krycek sits.
KERSH
I called you here this morning, Agent Krycek,
because you have acted out of line.
KRYCEK
'Out of line', sir?
KERSH
Don't interrupt me.
KRYCEK
Sorry.
KERSH
You're little European vacation…
It's unacceptable. Assaulting a
colleague is unacceptable… I'm
allowing you the chance to explain
yourself before I make a decision on
whether or not to suspend you.
Krycek's eyes go wide with the threat of suspension. He quickly recovers and composes himself.
KRYCEK
(very professional)
Well sir, as you know, there are people
above you who need me here, so that's
really not a decision you are inclined to make.
(beat) However I will be a good person and
explain to you my reasons for a European
"vacation". It wasn't a vacation at all, sir. More
of a search and rescue mission.
KERSH
'Search and rescue mission'?
KRYCEK
(very professional)
Yes, to find my love Marita Covarrubias.
We didn't find her until earlier this morning
when Agent Mulder and I went to Agent
Alfredo's apartment. I'm assuming he's the
one who called in the assault complaint to you.
KERSH
He did.
KRYCEK
(very professional)
I beat the living shit out of Agent Alfredo.
I won't deny this, sir. I did it because he
stole my girlfriend. And if you don't like
it, I don't give a damn because there are
people higher than you! (loosing professional)
So for my own humor, Al, I'm gonna say
what's really on my mind! (beat) I don't like
you! You're uptight! You're annoying and
there's not a goddamned thing you can do
about me, and you know it, and it really bugs
the crap out of me that you think you have
authority over me when I have authority over you!
Krycek stands up and jumps with his next line.
KRYCEK
So screw you!Krycek sits back down proud of himself. Kersh sits calmly, not affected by Krycek's immature outburst.
KERSH
Is that all, Agent Krycek?
KRYCEK
(Mr. Cool)
Yeah, that's all.
Kersh nods his head and leans forward.
KERSH
Well then, Agent Krycek, allow me
to remind you that those people above
me you spoke of have given me the
authority to keep you in line.
Krycek's eyes widen realizing what he's done.
KERSH
But since I'm a nice guy, and
not uptight, I'll let you get off
this time. (beat) Only because
Agent Alfredo isn't bothered too
much by your assault on him. (beat)
I'm sure that just the fact that I made
you come in on a Saturday morning was enough
punishment because you can't watch
your morning cartoons, or the porn channel.
The look on Krycek's face says it all: he's an idiot.
KERSH
That'll be all, Agent Krycek.
KRYCEK
Wait… so I'm not suspended?
KERSH
No.
Kersh gets up from his desk and grabs a Knicks baseball cap and puts it on his head. He grabs his sunglasses and looks to Krycek.
KRYCEK
Even after I said "screw you"?
KERSH
Exactly. (beat) Why? Do
you want to be suspended?
KRCYEK
(quickly)
No.
KERSH
Then stop wasting my time
on this beautiful Saturday.
I have a cookout to get ready for.Kersh heads to the door and opens it, waiting for Krycek to leave.
KERSH
Come on.
KRYCEK
Yes, sir.Krycek and Kersh exit Kersh's office. Kersh locks the door.
INT. FBI HALLWAY - CON'T
Krycek and Kersh walk down the hallway, and to their surprise, Jeffrey Spender is walking down the hallway.
KERSH
(happy & in a good mood)
Agent Spender, how's it goin'?
SPENDER
Good sir.
KERSH
Great. It's good to see you
back in D.C. (beat) Brad
tells me you've been in Europe?
SPENDER
(unsure)
Yes.
KERSH
Wonderful. I'll need to
speak with you in my
office when you get
in on Monday morning.
SPENDER
Yes, sir. (beat) Is this
about where I'll be assigned?
KERSH
That and a few extra things.
He gives Spender a smile that is a little too happy… Spender doesn't get a good feeling about this Monday morning meeting with Kersh. Krycek stops next to Spender. Kersh heads to the elevator.
KERSH
Have a good weekend, gentlemen.He waves good bye to them and gets in the elevator to go to his cookout.
SPENDER
(to Krycek)
He's gonna kill me, isn't he?
KRYCEK
Probably, but if all goes bad,
just tell me what you really
think of him and tell him "screw you".
SPENDER
Only an idiot would tell
the Deputy Director to: "Screw you".
KRYCEK
I did.
SPENDER
You're an idiot.
KRYCEK
Yeah, well… I'm not suspended
for assaulting a fellow agent, and
for taking a vacation without notifying
the Bureau, so you never know, it
could work for you too.Spender gives him a doubtful look.
KRYCEK
Anyway, how would you like to come
to see my movie tonight? It's called "Robot 2000".
Spender shrugs his shoulders.
SPENDER
Sure, why not.
KRYCEK
Great, I'll pick you up at six.
Wait, where are you staying?
SPENDER
Oh, I found an apartment
in the building you and Mulder
live in. It's cheap and I didn't work
for two years, so it's all I can afford.
KRYCEK
Cool. So just come on up
to our apartment at six then.
SPENDER
Ok.
KRYCEK
Gotta get back and get
ready for the premiere.
Krycek heads off. TIME CUT TO:
INT. SCULLY, MARITA, MONICA APARTMENT - BATHROOM - 5:30 P.M.
Monica is brushing her teeth. Yelling starts in the above apartment. She looks up irritated. She leaves the bathroom, still brushing her teeth.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Scully is sitting on the couch watching the news with captions on so she doesn't have to blare the TV volume over the neighbors above. She's wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt.
MONICA
Dana, they're yelling in their bathroom.
You can hear everything. He's an asshole.
SCULLY
They probably don't want
to disturb their loud party.
Monica stops brushing and listens. Sure enough, there is a loud party above: loud music with heavy base, loud stomping, loud talking, a few random drunk shouts.
SCULLY
Hopefully this won't last long.
MONICA
No kidding.
Monica heads back to the bathroom to finish getting ready to go out for the night. There is a knock on the door. Scully goes to answer it. It's Brad, dressed in a nice suit.
SCULLY
Hey.
BRAD
What is that noise?
SCULLY
New neighbors.
BRAD
I'm sorry.Scully lets him in.
SCULLY
I didn't think Krycek had your number
to invite you to see his movie.
BRAD
He doesn't. Monica invited me.
He smiles.
SCULLY
Oh.
Monica comes out, wearing a nice black dress.
MONICA
(to Brad)
Hey sweetie.
SCULLY
Hi.
MONICA
Not you, Dana.She smiles at Brad and goes up to him and gives him a kiss. After a moment, they pull away.
BRAD
You look gorgeous. (beat)
Can't wait to get you out of it.He winks at her.
MONICA
I know.
She smiles at him.
BRAD
It sounds like you're living
in a college dorm right now.
MONICA
I think it's worse.
There is another knock on the door. Scully answers it. It's John, also wearing a nice suit.
SCULLY
John?
DOGGETT
I got this strange message on my
answering machine saying I had
to be here by six o'clock… something
about "Robot 2000"…?
SCULLY
Oh, Krycek's movie. He must want
to pick you up here instead of at
your place. We're closer and
more convenient for him here.
She gives him a smile and lets him in.
DOGGETT
(to Monica)
Hey Mon', turn your music down. I
could hear it coming up the stairs.
MONICA
It's not my music. Do
you really think I'd
listen to that crap?
DOGGETT
Yes.She glares at him.
MONICA
It's our new upstairs neighbor's
music you half-wit.
Doggett shrugs.
MONICA
Dana, you do realize that
Krycek's picking us up in fifteen minutes, right?
Scully's eyes have widened. She's not dressed to out in the night! She quickly runs into her room.
SCULLY (O.S.)
(panic)
What should I wear?
BRAD
Cloths are always a good choice.Scully pokes her head out.
SCULLY
I know that, but which
outfit should I wear?
MONICA
Something nice.
Scully rolls her eyes. They're no help to her. She goes back into her room. There is an excited knock on the door. Doggett goes to answer it. It's Krycek, dressed in a tuxedo.
KRYCEK
(excited)
I've got the limo outside. Is everyone ready?
MONICA
No. Dana doesn't know what to wear.
Krycek comes in. Doggett shuts the door behind him.
KRYCEK
Dana?
SCULLY (O.S.)
What?
KRYCEK
Hurry up, I don't want to be
late for the second day premiere
of my movie "Robot 2000".
SCULLY (O.S.)
I'm almost ready!Krycek plops down in a chair.
BRAD
"Second day premiere"? (beat)
You do realize that it's not
a premiere at all, right?
Krycek looks up at him.
KRYCEK
Shut up. (beat) I missed the premiere
yesterday, so I'm making it up today.
DOGGETT
So, your movie… because your
in it? Wrote it? Directed it…?
KRYCEK
I wrote it, directed it, produced it,
and I have a small acting part in it.He smiles proudly.
KRYCEK
(to Monica)
Do you mind if I use your sink
to wash my hands? (beat) I need
to make sure they're clean so I
can shake the hands of all my fans.He smiles proudly.
MONIICA
Go ahead.He goes into the kitchen. Doggett takes a seat.
DOGGETT
(re: "Robot 2000")
This should be interesting.
INT. KITCHEN Krycek is washing his hands with soap and water. He grabs a towel and dries his hands. Unbeknownst to him, but beknownst to us, Krycek leaves ink stains on the towel… washing away his little note about Skinner. He goes back into the living room.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Scully is finally dressed in a nice evening dress and is ready to go.
KRYCEK
Great! Let's go!They leave.
CUT TO:
EXT. SMALL DOWN TOWN MOVIE THEATRE - 6:45 P.M.
Krycek's limo pulls up in front of this old movie theatre in a bad part of town. They all get out, and Krycek excitedly runs up to a "Robot 2000" poster and points to it.
KRYCEK
(overly excited)
That's my movie!
SKINNER
(bluntly)
No kidding.
They all go into the theatre. Krycek approaches the ticket booth.
KRYCEK
Hello Mr. Ticketeer.
The employee glares at Krycek, he doesn't care much for being called "Mr. Ticketeer".
EMPLOYEE
Can I help you?
KRYCEK
(proudly)
I'd like nine tickets for "Robot 2000".
EMPLOYEE
Nine?
They employee shrugs his shoulders.
EMPLOYEE
I don't know why anyone would want
to waste their money on that crap.
I heard this movie is the worst thing
since Ed Wood hit Hollywood…
Krycek looks hurt. The employee hands him nine tickets for "Robot 2000".
EMPLOYEE
It's in the theatre in the very back.
KRYCEK
(making a point)
Ed Wood made good films.
"Plan Nine From Outer Space" rocks.Krycek takes the tickets and heads back to the group.
KRYCEK
(passing out tickets)
Ok everyone, here are your tickets.
MARTIA
I'm so excited about this Alex!
(beat) I can't wait to see the
finished picture!
They start making their way to the back of the movie theatre. They walk into the theatre and it's completely empty.
MULDER
I guess we really did beat the crowd.
They all find their seats in the middle of the theatre. Spender sits next to Monica and puts his arm around her and leans in.
SPENDER
Monica is it?
MONICA
Yeah…
SPENDER
You know… I'm not with Anna
or Laura anymore… think you
and I could give it a try?
Monica looks at him and smiles.
MONICA
I'm already with someone…Monica leans towards Brad. Brad gives him a smile, and Spender quickly removes his arm from around Monica.
SPENDER
Sorry… wait… isn't it against
Bureau policy for you two to be…
BRAD
Like it's against Bureau policy
for you to run off for two years
without a word? (beat) I'm not
her direct superior.
Monica and Brad smile at him. The lights dim and the opening credits begin. The movie filmed in black and white. The cheesy "horror" movie music is annoying and repetitive and echoes throughout the theatre.
The credit cards come up on the screen and Marita's name comes up. Mulder and Marita clap happily.
Scully pulls out a bottle of Tylenol and pops two in her mouth. She leans over to Doggett.
SCULLY
Take two and pass them on.
Doggett looks at her questioningly.
DOGGETT
Why?
SCULLY
This is a Krycek written and directed
film starring Marita… you'll need it.
Doggett sees her point and takes two. He passes the bottle to Spender, who takes two and then passes it to Monica. Monica passes it to Brad. Brad passes it to Skinner, who pops two in his mouth, and then passes it to Mulder, who puts it in his pocket. The final credit card appears with: WRITTEN, DIRECTED & PRODUCED BY: ALEX KRYCEK
Everyone claps. The final bars of music fade out and all is black on the screen. And into the movie we go…
INT. DARK ROOM
It's more than dark, it's extremely dark. A door creeks open and Marita walks on screen with a flashlight. She looks terrified.
MARITA
(in movie)
Bob?She sounds terrified and worried. Beeping noises are heard behind her.
There is a cheesy zoom in on her face as her eyes widen and she lets out a scream. And what a scream it is! On the screen, a "menacing" killer robot rolls in.
Marita slowly backs away from it, continuing to scream. This killer robot is cornering her as she backs up to wall.
Suddenly, Krycek jumps on the robot and stops it from killing Marita's character.
We hear Monica laugh in the audience.
On screen, we notice Scully poke her head in to the room (which is Marita's room in the girl's apartment) where they are filming. She looks irritated and leaves the room.
SCULLY
(in the audience)
This is what you were doing?
KRYCEK
(in the audience)
Shh…
The movie continues.
KRYCEK
(on the silver screen)
Lynn… are you all right?
MARITA
(on the silver screen)
It was so terrifying…We hear Monica laugh again in the audience.
MONICA
(in the audience/amused)
What was so terrifying?On screen, Marita and Krycek's characters are making out. When suddenly the robot they thought Krycek's character killed comes back to life!
It beeps and beeps as it puts up it's two killer arms that have sharp pointy things on it. It slowly beeps and rolls over towards Krycek's character and stabs him. He lets out a painful scream and he dies.
Monica and Brad laugh in the audience.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATRE - 45 MIN. LATER
The movie is continuing on with it's cheesy writing and acting. Monica and Brad are surprisingly enjoying the picture. They are laughing their asses off. Scully is holding her forehead in pain. Mulder is busy digging through his box of candy looking for more. Spender has fallen asleep. Skinner and Doggett aren't there. They went to get food. Krycek is so proud of his little film. He and Marita are mouthing off the words as the film goes on.
Skinner and Doggett slowly come back with food and take their seats.
MULDER
(excited)
Look! Here comes my big stunt!Everyone looks up at the screen just in time to see Mulder riding a bike and flipping over a "dead" body. He falls to the ground an rolls a few exaggerated feet.
MULDER
(on the silver screen)
Oh my god!
He gets up running. In the movie theatre, Mulder is bouncing excitedly in his seat. Monica and Brad are laughing hysterically.
MARITA
(in movie theatre)
Oh Fox! That was exciting!She gives him a hug.
Suddenly, on the screen we hear this "menacing" robot say…
ROBOT
(electronic voice)
I kill people who have sex in movie…Monica and Brad laugh even harder.
Skinner looks over at Krycek.
SKINNER
Isn't that the devise you use to
prank call me or threaten me?
KRYCEK
(proud)
Yep.The robot on screen slowly makes it's way towards two people in the film who are making out on the couch (Mulder's couch).
The whole gang can't help but laugh at how stupid this is. Krycek looks at everyone. He's mad.
KRYCEK
(mad/yelling)
IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE SCARY!
Krycek's yelling wakes Spender up. He looks confused on why everyone is laughing and why Krycek is so upset. CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATRE - 8:52 P.M.
Krycek quickly walks out of the theatre. He doesn't look happy. Following him are Skinner, Mulder, Marita, Scully, Spender, Doggett, Monica and Brad.
MARITA
That was wonderful!
MULDER
I know!
Skinner, Scully, and Doggett roll their eyes. Monica and Brad are still laughing. Krycek stops walking and turns around to face Monica and Brad. He's upset.
KRYCEK
It was suppose to scare
the crap out of you!He turns around and walks away from them.
Monica and Brad share a look and quietly laugh.
CUT TO:
EXT. MOVIE THEATRE
The gang exits the building and all stop dead in their tracks.
SCULLY
Where's the limo?
Krycek turns to Mulder.
KRYCEK
Where did you park the limo?
MULDER
Right there.He points in the road where we last saw the limo.
MARITA
Oh dear, did the limo drive away?
SKINNER
I think someone stole it.
MARITA
That's not very nice.
Scully rolls her eyes.
KRYCEK
Great. How do we get back?
DOGGETT
Call a cab.
SPENDER
Walk.
MULDER
Walking is fun!Mulder happily starts to skip off. Everyone follows him, walking.
BRAD
Walk, Mulder. Not skip.
MULDER
Only if you join Super Buddies!
Everyone rolls their eyes at Mulder and Mulder continues to skip down the road. As they all happily walk home, we pan up as lightening flashes and rain starts to poor down on them.
FADE OUT:
THE END.
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