Review By: Cerasi J. Uh oh! Why can’t we all just get along? Tonight the trouble starts agains as Monica and John are still bickering about who shot whom! The tribulation elevates when Monica, who had taken the little hissy fit into the hallway, pushes John into an open elevator, which contains Scully and Brad. The fighting continues as the elevator rises and Skinner steps in, unnoticed by the others. Suddenly, still in the midst of a very heated debate, the power fails and now they are stuck in the elevator like taffy stuck to a child’s fingers! So… what do you do while you’re stuck in an elevator with five best friends for six hours? Reveal their dirtiest secrets, of course! Be sure to check out the deep, dark secrets revealed in tonight’s episode! |
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Title: "Dark Secrets"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Date: First Draft - July 22, 24, 2003; August 3-4, 2003. Final Draft - August 5-6, 2003
Air Date: October 20, 2003
Rating: PG-13 (adult conversations)
Series: FRVS - Episode #106
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: We love it. Please e-mail us at frvs.feedback@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Monica is still angry with John for shooting her. They end up stuck in an elevator with Scully, Brad and Skinner during a power outage.
FADE IN:
INT. DOGETT/REYES OFFICE - 10 A.M.
Friday, October 17, 2003Monica is at her desk, staring at a little daisy in her crystal vase. She looks sad and awfully uncomfortable. She stands up and makes her way over to the filing cabinet and opens a drawer. She randomly selects a file to read. For the amount of time that she's been working in the x-files division, she has never taken the time to read all the cases. Might as well do that now when there's nothing to do. Of course there is that rumor that some of the x-files cases are fictional, written by Deputy Director Kersh himself.
Monica slowly makes her way back to her desk just as Doggett walks into the office. They don't say a word to each other. Monica is still angry with him for shooting her in New York.
Doggett takes off his coat and sits at his desk, turning on his computer. He looks over at Monica. She is "engrossed" in the file she pulled from the cabinet. Doggett is impatient. He doesn't like that she is ignoring him.
DOGGETT
Dammit, Monica. It's been two weeks
already. Get over it.
She ignores him.
DOGGETT
Well it's not like you never shot me before.
She ignores him.
DOGGETT
Well don't expect me to have sympathy for
you because I did what I thought I had to do -
MONICA
- Two times John! How can you accidentally
shoot me two frickin' times?! (beat) What? Is
this revenge for the next time I'm gonna shoot you?
DOGGETT
Oh... so there's gonna be a next time?
Monica rolls her eyes at him.
MONICA
Give me a break.
Spender steps into their office, not noticing that they are not getting along at the moment.
SPENDER
Good morning. Agent Scully around?
DOGGETT
I haven't seen her yet.
Monica stands up and leaves the office, moody.
SPENDER
What's her problem?
DOGGETT
(irritated)
I don't know.
Doggett stands up and leaves the office as well. Spender looks on, confused. Doggett walks down the basement hallway and goes to Monica. She is waiting impatiently for the elevator.
DOGGETT
Monica?
MONICA
Don't. Just go away. You're not
my favorite person right now.
Doggett places his hands on Monica's shoulders and turns her to face him. Monica starts hitting him (no intent to injure) and tries to push him away. The elevator door opens. Monica backs into it, taking Doggett with her. Scully and Brad are in the elevator and had wanted to get off. However, Monica and Doggett's little fight pushed them back further into the elevator. The doors shut and they start heading upward.
Scully and Brad are cornered by John and Monica. They continue to fight, not realizing that they are not alone.
MONICA
I can't believe you cornered me in this
elevator in order to tell me that shooting
me was the right thing to do!
DOGGETT
I'm not cornering you!
MONICA
Then get your stupid hands off my shoulders!
Doggett does so.
DOGGETT
There. You happy?
MONICA
No!
DOGGETT
Why not?
The elevator doors open again. Scully and Brad attempt to interrupt Monica and John so they can get off, they are ignored. Scully and Brad share a look. This isn't good. Skinner steps into the elevator, unnoticed by the others. The elevator doors close and the elevator makes its way up again.
MONICA
Why not?! Because you need to learn
how to apologize!
DOGGETT
Apologize for what?!
Suddenly the power in the building goes off. The elevator stops and the lights are off. It is pitch black. OVER BLACK:
MONICA
Oh great.
DOGGETT
You planned this, didn't you?
MONICA
That's typical. Blame me for a power outage.
DOGGETT
I did not blame you.
BRAD
Yes, you did Agent Doggett.
The elevator goes silent. Doggett and Monica hadn't realized they weren't the only two in the elevator.
DOGGETT
Mr. Follmer, how long have you been in here?
BRAD
Since you two got on at the basement.
SCULLY
I'm here too.
DOGGETT
(as if he wasn't fighting with Monica)
Dana, Agent Spender was looking for you
earlier. You two... doing something later?
MONICA
(mean/angry)
Ooh... is Agent Spender a threat for you, Johnny?
DOGGETT
I don't know what you're talking about.
MONICA
You're pathetic.
DOGGETT
You're... you're insane.
MONICA
Monk.
DOGGETT
Crazy.
MONICA
Lonely man.
DOGGETT
Brad can do better.
SCULLY
Ok. That's enough. You two are
beginning to sound like Mulder and Krycek.
DOGGETT
Sorry.
MONICA
Oh, so you apologize to her, but not me?
DOGGETT
I have nothing to apologize to you for.
MONICA
Whatever.
We sense that Monica has taken a seat on the floor of the elevator. It is quiet for a beat.
DOGGETT
How long does it take maintenance to
fix a power outage?
SCULLY
Well, depending on how it happened, it
could take from one hour to a whole day.
BRAD
Whole day?
SCULLY
You never heard of the power
outage of 1997?
MONICA
'97 was the year everything went to hell.
Music got bad, movies began to suck.
Tara Lipinski beat Michelle Kwan at Nationals.
DOGGETT
What are you talking about, Mon'?
MONICA
Don't "Mon'" me, Johnny. I'm
still mad at you.
SCULLY
(sitting down)
Anyway, in '97 it was Mulder investigating
a spirit in the FBI that lead to the power outage.
BRAD
The Director let him investigate within the
walls of the Bureau?
SCULLY
Mulder begged Skinner and when he kept
getting turned down, he took it upon himself
to go ahead and investigate.
BRAD
Doesn't Agent Mulder ever get
disciplined for his actions?
SCULLY
Well yeah, but nothing major. The big guys
know he'd continue working anyway. Once we
were assigned to background checks and he
continued to drag me along on cases that he
claimed were not x-files cases, but they were
yadda, yadda, yadda...
MONICA
Don't say that again. You sound
like an episode of "Seinfeld".
Scully shuts up.
BRAD
(sitting down)
So what do we do now?
MONICA
Wait.
SCULLY
We could sing. (beat/sings)
The wheels on the bus go round and round
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round -
MONICA
- Ok. That's enough of that.
SCULLY
Sorry.
MONICA
So, were you and Agent Spender
doing something later?
SCULLY
No. Why do you assume that if a male
agent asks for me, that we're going
to do something later?
MONICA
John assumed. I was just checking
up on it for him.
SCULLY
I wonder what he wanted...
BRAD
Well I know he's working a case. Maybe
he wanted your medical opinion on something.
(beat) What is it with you guys always thinking
other agents come to speak with you on informal
terms while at work?
SCULLY
Because we don't have a whole lot to do, sir.
They are quiet for several minutes. Doggett coughs to clear his throat. The noise of his cough comes from above everyone's heads.
SCULLY
Coming down with something, John?
DOGGETT
No, just thirsty.
MONICA
You're still standing, John?
DOGGETT
Yes.
MONICA
Why?
DOGGETT
We're not going to be in here long.
MONICA
Sit down.
DOGGETT
I don't want to.
SCULLY
(bored)
Do you guys want to play a game?
BRAD
Not really.
SCULLY
Oh.
In the complete darkness they hear Doggett scratching the back of his neck.
MONICA
John. Sit down.
They hear him sit down. A small light comes from Brad's wristwatch. It goes off.
BRAD
Ok, so it's 10:40 now. We've been in
here at least thirty minutes. That probably
means maintenance hasn't figured out
how to fix the problem.
SCULLY
Mulder and Krycek are behind it.
CUT TO: INT. MULDER'S RED CONVERTIBLE - 1 P.M.
Mulder and Krycek are cruising down the highway. The roof to the red convertible is down and the boys are enjoying their day off.
MULDER
I really wonder where the SkinMan was.
KRYCEK
I don't care. Kersh said if we didn't find
him by noon, we could go home for the
day, and we sure didn't find him. So now
we have the rest of the day off.
MULDER
I still think we should have gone down
to Roswell, Georgia to look into that UFO sighting.
Krycek looks at him in disbelief.
KRYCEK
I'm telling you, that caller was a kid.
He was probably making a prank call.
MULDER
You're right. I should have called Scully
to see if she wanted to go cruisin' with us.
KRYCEK
Do you still like her?
MULDER
Who? Scully?
KRYCEK
Yeah.
MULDER
Well... she's a friend and in the past I've been
attracted to her, and you know. I'm married.
I couldn't be with her even if she or I wanted.
KRYCEK
So I've been thinking -
MULDER
- That's lethal.
KRYCEK
Dana and I are good friends. She's always
treated me good even when I don't deserve
it. Think I should ask her to give us a try?
MULDER
Uhh... I don't know if that's the best idea, Alex.
KRYCEK
I love her.
MULDER
I know. I do too.
KRYCEK
Sometimes I think she and I are the only
ones that understand on another.
Mulder and Krycek are quiet, thinking about this and other things.
MULDER
Want to stop by Dairy Queen and
get a bag of dillies?
KRYCEK
Ok.
TIME CUT TO: INT. ELEVATOR - 2:22 P.M.
OVER BLACK:
Scully, John, Monica and Brad have been quiet for a very long time now. They've been trapped in this elevator for a little over four hours.
BRAD
(whisper)
Dana?
She doesn't answer.
BRAD
Dana?
DOGGETT
I think she fell asleep.
BRAD
Oh. Wake her up.
DOGGETT
That's rude.
BRAD
It's afternoon, wake her up.
DOGGETT
You wake her up.
SCULLY
(sleepy)
No need. I'm awake now.
Geez, we're still not out of here?
MONICA
No.
BRAD
Dana, what game did you have in mind?
SCULLY
Huh?
BRAD
Before, you suggested playing a game.
SCULLY
Truth or dare.
BRAD
I can do that.
MONICA
(whisper to Brad)
Are you sure you want to do this?
BRAD
I've got nothing to hide. (to Scully) Let's go.
SCULLY
Truth or dare?
BRAD
Truth.
SCULLY
What do you know about the
tattoo on Monica's bum?
MONICA
(panicked)
Don't tell her Brad!
BRAD
(uncomfortable)
I don't know what that's about.
SCULLY
Hmm... and that's why your name is
there along with John and Mon's and Christmas '86?
BRAD
Ok... we were at some big Christmas party
in 1986 and got drunk and Mon' got the tattoo.
SCULLY
So it wasn't done to mark an important
event or... an embarrassing event?
MONICA
Hey! You can only ask one question.
It's Brad's turn.
BRAD
John. Truth or dare?
DOGGETT
Dare.
MONICA
You're no fun.
BRAD
Kiss Dana.
DOGGETT
(disbelief... doesn't know what to do)
No, I can't...
Doggett starts spitting and stuttering out partial words to get out of doing this dare. He is horrified that Brad would dare him to do such a thing.
BRAD
Then you have to tell the truth to this
question. (beat) Why don't you want to kiss her?
DOGGETT
Because.
MONICA
Because isn't an answer. You have
to do the dare. Kiss her.
DOGGETT
No. I don't want to.
SCULLY
He thinks I'm repulsive.
MONICA
Dana, sniff.
Scully sniffs pathetically.
MONICA
Look. You've upset her.
DOGGETT
Fine.
There is a quiet moment. No sound is heard.
DOGGETT
There. I did it, happy?
BRAD
I didn't hear a kissy noise.
MONICA
Dana, did he kiss you?
SCULLY
No...
Brad turns on his wristwatch light. It doesn't provide very much light. He's hoping it is enough for them to witness John kiss Scully.
BRAD
Damn thing, you can't see Jack.
Go for it John.
Doggett's face twitches nervously. He leans over and kisses Scully on the cheek.
BRAD
(sarcastic)
Way to be a man, John. Really.
MONICA
I can kiss more like a man than you.
DOGGETT
You are a man.
MONICA
I am not.
DOGGETT
You are too. You don't even wear dresses.
BRAD
Yes she does.
DOGGETT
No she doesn't.
MONICA
Stop fighting, we're playing a game.
SCULLY
(random)
I almost slept with Mulder once, but
didn't. Want to know why?
This shuts everyone up. The elevator is quiet.
SCULLY
Oh God. You guys really want to know?
MONICA
You said it, now you tell it.
DOGGETT
She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.
SCULLY
I was in high school, senior year actually.
Mulder was my prom date. We weren't the
best behaved kids back then -
BRAD
- Mulder still isn't.
SCULLY
We got wasted at an after-prom party
and ended up making out on my best
friend Sylvia's couch. I suggested that we
go upstairs. We did... we were seductively
sloppy in our undressing -
DOGGETT
(uncomfortable)
- We can stop knowing now.
SCULLY
John. I didn't end up having sex with him.
He got his boxers off and I freaked out.
MONICA
You were suddenly sober and realized
what you were about to do?
SCULLY
Kind of. I had been plotting Mulder's seduction
for a long time. I wanted him... I needed him.
They all cringe at this and shout out "Ugh!"
BRAD
So if you wanted him, why didn't you?
SCULLY
He was way too big for me.
I saw... him and grabbed my clothes
and ran. (beat) Unfortunately, my rival for Mulder's
affections saw me leave and she went up to him.
She and Mulder had sex and she made sure to rub it in.
MONICA
Marita?
SCULLY
Diana Fowley.
DOGGETT
Is she the one that ended up married to him?
SCULLY
Yep. (beat) That's why she and I don't get along.
Interesting story there... no one knows what to say. A few uncomfortable coughs are let out. Monica remembers that she wanted to ask Scully about that Scott that Marita brought up when they were locked in the bathroom back at the apartment. Now seems like a good time to change the subject, so she does.
MONICA
So who was Scott and where did he fit
in line of all the men you've been with?
Scully doesn't answer. Scott is something she'd like to forget ever happened.
MONICA
Dana...?
DOGGETT
Why are we asking Dana questions
about her personal life?
MONICA
I'm not asking you to talk, I'm asking
Dana to talk.
SCULLY
(soft)
I'd rather not.
BRAD
(encouraging her)
Aw... come on Dana, let's share
bad stories about our past.
SCULLY
(soft yet forceful)
I said I'd rather not.
MONICA
What? Did he steal your clothes,
use you for lunch money and then
break your heart?
SCULLY
(getting upset)
It wasn't clothes that he stole and
it wasn't lunch money he used me for.
DOGGETT
What do you mean?
Monica senses that Scully is on the verge of crying. If she had known Scott was such a sensitive subject to Scully, she never would have brought it up in front of other people. Monica is about to open her mouth and change the subject, but Scully speaks instead.
MONICA
Maybe we shouldn't pry...
SCULLY
(upset/raising voice)
Oh no! You wanted to know, so now you're
gonna know. Scott... Scott stole my trust
in men... used me for sex and hurt me when
I denied him. Then he forced me to do it anyway.
Short and to the point. Scully breaks down crying. No one knows what to say. This is not what they wanted to have happen while playing "Truth or Dare". Doggett figures that this happening to her may have caused her to be promiscuous. Some people deal with rape and violence by not being able or not wanting sex, some people go out and have a lot of sex to convince themselves that they are not bothered by what happened to them. So he asks. He doesn't think ahead about how this isn't a good thing to ask.
DOGGETT
(quiet/soft)
Is that why you've been so promiscuous?
Monica gasps and we hear her hit John hard on the arm. Scully doesn't say anything, she knows that Doggett means well, he just doesn't know how to put it out correctly in words. In the darkness, Monica starts to try to find Scully, she bumps into Brad.
MONICA
Sorry... Dana are you all right?
SCULLY
(weak)
I'm fine.
Monica finds her and hugs her. Quiet moments pass. Brad figures he better change the subject.
BRAD
(attempting to lighten things up)
Did you guys know John had a crush on Mon'
when she and I started dating in high school?
MONICA
Eww...
SCULLY
(sniffles/amused)
He did?
Doggett starts spitting and stuttering out noises again, attempting to deny what is true.
BRAD
Yeah, that's why he told you all
those bad things about me. (beat)
He was jealous.
DOGGETT
I never said anything bad about
you that wasn't true.
BRAD
You're such a liar.
DOGGETT
No I'm not.
BRAD
Ok, then why do you pretend to
dislike me when we are friends?
Explain that.
DOGGETT
Ok, you want the truth?
BRAD
Yeah.
DOGGETT
I didn't like you back then because
you would sleep around with everyone.
BRAD
No I didn't.
DOGGETT
Yes, you did.
BRAD
Ok. According to you. How many
women did I sleep with when I was with Monica?
DOGGETT
A lot.
BRAD
I want a number.
DOGGETT
(making it up/confident)
Seven.
BRAD
Seven?!
DOGGETT
Yeah. Seven.
BRAD
No... I got drunk at a party once and
Shannon got to me. (beat) That was the
only time. (beat) You were the player
with a different girl every weekend.
DOGGETT
No...
BRAD
John, I was your roommate. Believe me,
I know. Do you know how many nights
I had to sleep in the lounge because
you would sneak girls into our room?
There is no answer from Doggett.
SCULLY
That still doesn't explain why
you don't like him today. (beat/teasing)
You still want her, don't you?
DOGGETT
Ew! No!
MONICA
Then why?
DOGGETT
Because.
BRAD
(teasing)
No... I think you still want her...
DOGGETT
(irritated)
No I don't!
BRAD
Then why did you set her watch ahead
by a couple hours to make her believe
I stood her up before she ran off to New Orleans?
Silence. We can sense Doggett's eyes widen. He never wanted Monica to know he did that.
DOGGETT
(trying to make him stop)
I never did anything of the sort.
BRAD
Yes you did. You told me when we
went fishing a few weeks ago.
DOGGETT
Brad! No one -
MONICA
(happy)
- You guys went fishing?
BRAD
Yeah, at his cabin.
SCULLY
Cabin?
MONICA
Cabin?
SCULLY
I didn't know you had a cabin, John.
MONICA
Why did you and Brad go fishing, John?
There is no answer.
BRAD
Come on John, answer the question.
They already know...
DOGGETT
Weren't we playing truth or dare?
MONICA
Oh no, no, no, Mr. Doggett.
You are not going to
change the subject now.
Another beat of silence.
DOGGETT
I don't know what subject
you think I'm switching.
MONICA
Liar.
DOGGETT
Dana, truth or dare?
SCULLY
Dare.
DOGGETT
(worked up)
Kiss Brad and do it so
it makes Monica angry.
SCULLY
Ok...
In the darkness, she makes her way over to Brad.
DOGGETT
No! I'm kidding! Don't do that!
BRAD
Why not?
DOGGETT
Because.
SCULLY
Because you really do want to admit
you and Brad are friends?
DOGGETT
Dana! Stop helping them pick on me.
MONICA
Ok, we'll stop... Dana, I don't appreciate
you and Assistant Director Skinner hitting on me.
BRAD/DOGGETT
What?!
SCULLY
Walter hit on you?
MONICA
Yeah and so did you.
SCULLY
When?
BRAD
Where was I when this happened?
MONICA
Two and a half weeks ago, in Skinner's
office. I'm not surprised you don't remember,
you two reeked of alcohol.
Scully is quiet, trying to remember.
BRAD
How'd she hit on you?
MONICA
She kissed me.
DOGGETT
Dana!
SCULLY
I don't remember!
BRAD
(to Monica)
Is that why you were home for a week?
SCULLY
She was never home for a week.
BRAD
I mean... is that why you were at
my apartment for a week?
MONICA
Yes. (beat) I couldn't look at them
after they did that...
BRAD
Did he harass you?
MONICA
Not really, he tried to kiss me.
Dana said he wanted to make
love to me again. (beat) This worries
me because he's my boss.
DOGGETT
Oh like when Brad was your boss up
in New York. What if the Bureau found
out about that, huh? Foolin' around in
the office. (beat) I bet Kersh would love to
know about you two and how you're
breaking Bureau policies.
MONICA
Shut up Johnny!
We hear Monica hit someone hard.
BRAD
Ow! Mon', that was me.
MONICA
Oh, sorry sweetie.
There is a beat as she finds Doggett. She hits him hard.
DOGGETT
Ow!
MONICA
You're just jealous because she
gave me tongue and you can't
even ask her out to dinner!
DOGGETT
That's not true! I'm just stating Bureau policies!
MONICA
Yeah well Dana and A.D. Skinner were
messing around behind the Director's back!
She even slept with him in high school when
he was married! So don't you dare
get on me about Bureau policies!
We can tell by her tone that John has upset her greatly.
BRAD
(calming)
Mon'... calm down...
DOGGETT
You two are still breaking policy.
BRAD
I'm not her direct superior, John.
DOGGETT
But still, you're a superior.
BRAD
I have no authority over her career
or payment. (beat) That is what the
Bureau frowns upon. (beat) And just
so you know, Alvin knows about Monica and I.
There is another long beat of silence.
SCULLY
Walter was never married when I was with him...
MONICA
Yeah, he was. He told John and I
when we were in Vegas.
SCULLY
I never saw a ring.
DOGGETT
It's not that hard to take a ring off.
BRAD
You would know, wouldn't you John?
DOGGETT
Don't you even think about going there, Mr. Follmer.
MONICA
Go where?
SCULLY
(to self)
Walter lied to me...
BRAD
Oh, I know a little secret of John's
from when he was married.
DOGGETT
No need to bring this up, Follmer.
MONICA
I've got to know now.
BRAD
Maybe John should admit what
happened on his own.
DOGGETT
I'm not admitting anything.
SCULLY
(to self/ angry)
Men suck. All they know how to do
is lie and betray. You know Mon', it's
impossible to find good men. You better
be careful with Brad.
DOGGETT
Dana... not all men lie. (beat) I don't lie.
MONICA
So if you don't lie, John. Then tell
us about what Brad was talking about.
DOGGETT
It's not important.
BRAD
Maybe it's important to show Dana that
you are an honest man.
Doggett is quiet. Did Brad have to put it like that? Now Scully probably expects him to tell this story.
DOGGETT
Fine. (beat) Shannon and I had an
affair the last year I was married to Barbara.
MONICA
She knew you were married. You mentioned
married men removing their wedding bands.
Did you have affairs with women other than Shannon?
DOGGETT
No, and I'm not and was not proud of what I did.
MONICA
Why Shannon?
DOGGETT
She's a friend... a friend I had had
physical relations with previously.
MONICA
Why'd you do it?
DOGGETT
Barbara and I weren't workin' out and
Shannon helped take that away temporarily.
SCULLY
Other than John... has anyone else here cheated?
BRAD
Once, but we don't really count it. I was
drunk and hanging out with Shannon.
It happens, you get had, it's Shannon.
SCULLY
This Shannon seems a little manipulative,
I don't think I like her.
MONICA
John was married during Christmas '86
when myself, Brad and John had that
drunken threesome.
SCULLY
You had a threesome together?!
BRAD
Mon'... I didn't tell the full story of '86 earlier.
Oops! Monica didn't mean to let that dirty little secret out of the bag.
SCULLY
That's interesting. (beat) Mon'
have you ever cheated?
MONICA
Never. You?
SCULLY
Are you all aware of my history with Krycek?
BRAD
No.
SCULLY
Well awhile ago we all went on a trip
to Colorado. On our way back, John
ditched Alex and I in the middle of nowhere.
Well it was raining and we got soaked. Luckily
we found a cabin. There were blankets so we
decided to get out of our clothes so they could
dry. Well it was cold and Krycek put his arms
around me... one thing led to another... and
another... and another... and -
MONICA
- Ok. I just asked if you had ever cheated.
We didn't need a detailed recap.
SCULLY
Sorry. (beat) My point is that at that time
I was engaged to Walter.
BRAD
You spoke of a history with Krycek.
What did you mean by that?
SCULLY
It's embarrassing.
BRAD
And that 1986 thing isn't?
SCULLY
Ok... Alex and I have been umm...
I'm not sure how to put this...
SKINNER
(out of nowhere)
Sex buddies?
SCULLY
Yes, we're sex buddies. Ever since
I was - and this is going to sound bad -
I was 10 and he was 11.
DOGGETT
Ten years old?
SCULLY
I didn't say I was proud of it.
MONICA
Who would be? It's Alex Krycek.
SCULLY
Hey, watch what you say about him.
Despite how dumb he can be, he's one
of my closest friends and if it weren't for
him I may not be here with you guys today.
Quiet again. They are unsure if they should pry into what she meant by that. CUT TO:
INT. McDONALDS - 4 P.M.
Mulder and Krycek are sitting in a booth. No food is in front of them. They keep looking over at the ordering counter. They are impatient.
KRYCEK
Hey. Where's our waiter?!
EMPLOYEE
You want a waiter, go to Hooters!
KRYCEK
(excited)
Ok!
MULDER
No! I want a Happy Meal!
KRYCEK
(sad)
Fine.
They get up from their table and go to the order counter.
KRYCEK
We want fifteen Happy Meals.
Off the employee's disgusted face: CUT TO:
INT. ELEVATOR - 4:23 P.M.
OVER BLACK:
Silence.
MONICA
John? Dana? Are you two sleeping together?
SCULLY
What?!
DOGGETT
Monica...
BRAD
(pained)
Oh God.
MONICA
Well several weeks ago, John was over
and gave you a foot massage. Now if you've
seen Pulp Fiction, you'd know why I suspect
you two having intimate relations. So are you?
DOGGETT
(embarrassed/nervous)
No...
MONICA
You sound nervous. I don't believe you.
SCULLY
Monica, we're not. Trust me on that one.
BRAD
(reflecting)
So you did it when you were ten...
did you even know what you were doing?
SCULLY
I had some idea. Alex was clueless.
BRAD
So why do you and Alex Krycek... ya
know... do that sex buddy thing?
SCULLY
(thinking)
That's a tough one... I guess after Scott...
Well, Alex has never physically hurt me.
He's very protective, he understands... I trust
him with my life. (beat) You see... he saved
my life. I was with Scott for a couple years and
I couldn't get out of the relationship. I was afraid
to. So one night... I decided to try to end my
own life in order to make all the pain and fear
go away. Lucky for me, Alex came over and climbed
through my bedroom window and found me in bed.
I overdosed on over-the-counter sleep aids.(beat)
He called 911. Ever since then he and I... we've been
really close. I can't imagine him not part of my life
or a part of my recovery.
BRAD
Still doesn't explain why you had
sex with him when you were ten.
SCULLY
Shut up... I don't know why.
We just did. We were stupid kids.
BRAD
(disgusted)
Ugh!
MONICA
(after a beat)
You tried to kill yourself?
SCULLY
Thankfully I didn't succeed.
MONICA
(worried)
No one else in here has
tried to, right?
BRAD
Never have.
DOGGETT
Nope. (beat) You?
MONICA
The closest I've come to death
was when I was little and my
brothers locked me in a coffin.
SCULLY
They locked you in a coffin?
MONICA
Yes, then proceeded to bury
it in a graveyard.
SCULLY
Oh my God. Where did they
get the coffin? And why did
they put you in it?
MONICA
Well, my Papa is a mortician,
and I still don't know why they did it...
SCULLY
They don't seem very nice.
MONICA
They're not.
BRAD
How old were you?
MONICA
I was seven.
SCULLY
Wow.
There is a beat of silence.
DOGGETT
(sly)
You know Mon'... being in here
is kind of like... being in a coffin...
MONICA
John, if you're trying to freak
me out, it won't work.
SCULLY
What if we run out of oxygen in here?
I mean, we've been in here for... how long?
The light on Brad's watch comes on.
BRAD
Six hours.
DOGGETT
Six hours...
SCULLY
It is possible to loose oxygen
and die of carbon monoxide poisoning.
Maybe one of us should stop breathing.
MONICA
You're joking, right?
SCULLY
No. With every breath we take
we use up more of our oxygen.
DOGGETT
Like in "Apollo 13"...
SCULLY
Exactly.
DOGGETT
You know what this means, right Monica?
Monica doesn't reply.
DOGGETT
(serious)
That means we could die...
just like when you were in
that coffin... How long were
you in there, a couple hours?
No answer from Monica.
DOGGETT
(serious)
Do you remember it, Monica? Lack
of oxygen... light headedness... so
close to death... like right now.
BRAD
John, knock it off.
There is a beat of silence.
DOGGETT
(picking on her)
You're awfully quiet Monica...
MONICA
(whisper)
I don't want to die, Brad...
DOGGETT
Wuss.
BRAD
(having enough of him)
John.
SCULLY
You won't die Mon', he's
just picking on you.
MONICA
Well he shouldn't.
DOGGETT
Why not? You do it to
me all the time.
MONICA
You shot me... twice. Isn't
that enough?
DOGGETT
(defensive)
For cryin' out loud! How many times
do I have to explain this to you? (beat)
I did that because that guy was coming
after you. I saved your sorry ass, and
this is how you repay me? (beat) I expect
more from you than this, Monica.
Silence.
DOGGETT
(worked up/mad)
When someone saves your life, you should -
BRAD
- John, enough.
Silence.
SCULLY
I married Mulder once...
Skinner laughs.
SKINNER
I can't believe you're breaking
silence with this story.
SCULLY
Well why not? I broke tension with
the I almost did Mulder story. (beat)
Wait a minute. Walter?
SKINNER
Yep.
SCULLY
When did you get here?
MONICA
(pained)
Oh no!
SKINNER
Oh yes. You guys sure have
interesting stories to tell.
BRAD
How about you tell the story on
why you harassed Monica.
The elevator goes silent.
BRAD
(after a beat)
Assistant Director?
SKINNER
I don't know what you're talking about.
BRAD
You were here when it was
initially brought up.
SKINNER
Agent Scully and I were drunk -
BRAD
- On Bureau property and
technically on the clock.
SKINNER
(after a beat)
It's not like anything happened.
BRAD
You're her superior and still let that
happen, causing her to stay home
for a week because she couldn't face
you. As a result of that, OPR gets on her -
SKINNER
- OPR doesn't know about it.
BRAD
Why not? (beat) Because she couldn't
tell them. Do you know why she couldn't tell them?
SKINNER
Because I was there...
BRAD
Do you fool around with agents
often, Assistant Director?
DOGGETT
Oh like you're by the book, Brad.
BRAD
He was with Agent Scully
that night too, John.
DOGGETT
(defensive/ to Skinner)
That's not right, sir.
SKINNER
You guys are making it seem
like I'm a horrible person. I was
drunk.
SCULLY
(out of nowhere)
You were married once?
The elevator is silent again.
SKINNER
(quiet/after a very long beat)
Yes.
Silence. They sit there for a few long beats. The silence is interrupted suddenly by:
BRAD
(out of nowhere/shuddering)
Ugh!
MONICA
(concerned)
What?
BRAD
Ten years old?!
He is still not over the whole Scully/Krycek thing from when they were kids.
SCULLY
That's in the past...
BRAD
Yeah, but... Alex Krycek. Ugh!
DOGGETT
Anyway...
Again the elevator falls silent.
MONICA
(after a few beats)
John, when someone says "anyway", you
have to follow it up with a topic of conversation.
DOGGETT
Well I said that so we wouldn't
keep talking about Dana and Alex Krycek.
MONICA
Well, you did a poor job at
changing the subject.
BRAD
Especially since we're still talking about it.
DOGGETT
No we're not.
SKINNER
Yes we are because you're "anyway"
was just a temporary change from
Dana and Krycek. So really, it's all
about Dana and Krycek.
DOGGETT
(lost)
What? (beat) I said "anyway..." to get
away from the topic of Dana and Krycek.
BRAD
Yet you keep bringing them up.
SCULLY
(changing the subject)
John, Brad said earlier that you and him
were roommates in high school. How
did that work out?
MONICA
(to John)
Now that is an effective way
to change the subject.
DOGGETT
(ignoring Monica)
Well, we were roommates. Not much to it.
BRAD
Easy for you to say. You were
a pain in the ass.
DOGGETT
No I wasn't.
SKINNER
Well we already know Brad had to
spend several nights in a lounge...
DOGGETT
I've changed...
BRAD
You were a nicer guy before
Monica came during our
sophomore year.
MONICA
You mean I make him mean?
BRAD
No, he was just rude to
me after we got together.
SCULLY
Which supports that he told you
he liked Monica -
DOGGETT
- No. I didn't.
SCULLY
In fact... before Monica moved
up to D.C., John was a lot more
relaxed and didn't seem to have
this mean side that shows off and
on now... what's that about?
Doggett pouts, he's getting grumpy. Why is Scully helping them pick on him. Doesn't she like him? Or is it what Monica has always said... "John Doggetts are fun to pick on".
BRAD
Hey John, remember the cheerleader
that made you throw out your shoulder?
DOGGETT
You mean at the State Championships?
BRAD
Yeah.
DOGGETT
Vaguely.
MONICA
Didn't she distract you by
hiking up her skirt?
DOGGETT
(embarrassed)
Yeah... then I looked at her and fell.
SCULLY
Funny, I use to do that to distract
the opposing team when I was a cheerleader.
MONICA
Ya know John... Dana looks a lot like
your description of the cheerleader that
caused you to trip...
DOGGETT
No. Dana's a special agent.
MONICA
Short, thing, red-head...
BRAD
Remember how you said if you ever
came across her again you'd get her back?
SCULLY
What school did you guys go to and
what year did you guys make it to
the State Championships?
MONICA
The Northwood School. We made
it to State in 1984.
SCULLY
Hmm... you guys were our big rivals.
My school made it to State the same year.
BRAD
I bet Dana was the one that
took you out, John.
DOGGETT
So...
BRAD
Well now's your big chance to get her back.
What was it you said back then... you'd either
kill her or show her a really good time.
DOGGETT
I'm not a vengeful person anymore.
MONICA
Sure. That's why you shot me, right?
DOGGETT
Monica... what if I accused you of
shooting me in the ass on purpose
several years back?
It goes really quiet, as if Monica has something to hide.
DOGGETT
Monica?
MONICA
I have a secret to tell you...
DOGGETT
Yeah...
MONICA
You know how I told you I
was aiming for the turkey...
DOGGETT
Yeah and you missed and
nailed me on the ass.
MONICA
I wasn't actually aiming for the turkey.
SCULLY
This doesn't sound good.
MONICA
My brothers told me if I shot you in
the behind, that I could be a member
of their special club... I shot you on purpose.
Scully, Skinner and Brad start laughing.
DOGGETT
That's not funny.
MONICA
There's more... there was no club.
They just wanted me to shoot you.
BRAD
Didn't this happen four years ago?
DOGGETT
Yeah. The last time Mon' and I paid
visit to my parents for Thanksgiving.
(beat) Wait a minute Monica. You wanted
to be in a club of your brothers... four years ago?
MONICA
(ashamed)
Uh-huh.
DOGGETT
That's awfully childish.
SCULLY
(random)
It's a cute scar...
MONICA
(excited)
I knew you two were sleeping together!
DOGGETT
Oh God! She had to pick glass
out of my ass!
The elevator falls silent again. This happens a lot, doesn't it?
BRAD
(laughs)
Why?
DOGGETT
Broken glass in a hotel restroom.
I slipped on water and fell.
SCULLY
Krycek had thrown a hissy fit the
night before. That's why there was broken glass.
MONICA
So if it broke the night before, why in the
world did John go in there the next day?
DOGGETT
They woke me up early to leave Colorado
and I was angry with them -
MONICA
- So you overreacted.
SCULLY
(happy)
He wears doggy boxers.
MONICA
Has he ever shown you his
Austin Powers underwear?
DOGGETT
No.
MONICA
(amused)
Oh yes, I'm tellin' the story.
DOGGETT
Please don't.
SCULLY
(eager)
Please do.
MONICA
We all know that John's favorite
movie is "Austin Powers", right?
SCULLY
I thought it was "Titanic".
MONICA
(appaulled)
"Titanic"? (beat) No, it's "Austin Powers".
Anyway, he's such a huge fan of the film
that he bought the underwear that Austin
wears when he dances to "I Touch Myself".
You know... the British flag. (beat/more amused)
And he wears them.
BRAD
I'm almost afraid to ask, but
how do you know he wears them?
MONICA
I walked in on him once when he
was wearing them and dancing in them.
SCULLY
(dazed)
Lucky you...
DOGGETT
(defensive)
She's lying.
BRAD
Your defensive tone tells us otherwise.
DOGGETT
Shut up.
SKINNER
That's confirmation.
DOGGETT
Why do you guys keep picking on me?
MONICA
Because it's easy.
DOGGETT
(out of nowhere)
Monica was fat.
MONICA
Shut up!
SCULLY
Like Monica Gellar of "Friends"?
DOGGETT
Exactly! She was always stuffing
her face with food.
MONICA
Stop it!
BRAD
You do realize you're
talking in the past tense, right?
DOGGETT
So, she was still fat.
BRAD
She was adorable.
SCULLY
Aww...
DOGGETT
Oh God...
We can sense him rolling his eyes.
MONICA
I wasn't fat.
DOGGETT
Yes, you were.
MONICA
Yeah well, you still own
Austin Powers underwear.
They sit in silence for a beat. Monica won that argument.
SKINNER
So Dana, you were married to Mulder?
SCULLY
For an hour. Krycek took us to Vegas,
got us drunk, and then married. (beat)
We got it annulled.
BRAD
(pensive)
Seems like everyone gets married
in Vegas but me...
MONICA/DOGGETT
Vegas didn't count!
SKINNER
Yes it did.
MONICA
Ew! No! There's no way.
DOGGETT
That was all your fault Monica.
MONICA
What?! It was not! If A.D. Skinner
didn't get us drunk, it wouldn't have happened.
SKINNER
Don't blame me! You guys
also said "I do"!
MONICA
You got us drunk!
DOGGETT
Yeah!
SKINNER
So this is all my fault?
DOGGETT
I don't drink!
SKINNER
Well you did! It's not all my fault.
BRAD
Who cares, you're not married now.
They didn't hear him. As they all continue to argue this, the power suddenly comes back on. The doors open and there stands Alex Krycek - with several Happy Meals from McDonalds in his arms.
KRYCEK
(happy)
Hey guys!
Skinner, Doggett and Monica stop arguing. They look over at him.
BRAD
(disgusted/shudders)
Ugh!
Off Krycek's confusion on why Brad seems disgusted with him, we: FADE OUT:
THE END.
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