Review By: Cerasi J. “I love Bert and Ernie!” |
 |
Title: "The Brotherhood"
Written by: Kristi
Date: August 16-17, 2003
Air Date: November 17, 2003
Rating: PG
Series: FRVS - Episode #110
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: We love it. Please e-mail us at frvs.feedback@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Mulder feels threatened when two of his own Super Buddies join Kersh for a weekend cookout.
FADE IN:
It's a bright and happy day in the land of "Fox & Rat"… and the pressure on a certain writer (me) is about to come to an end, hence the reason I'm sitting in front of my computer typing away at a story with no plot in mind and just a title to go with… And now I bring you "The Brotherhood".
INT. FBI - KERSH'S OFFICE - 2:59 P.M. - FRIDAY
A.D. Brad Follmer sits at one end of the meeting table, opposite A.D. Walter Skinner. Skinner is slowly and quietly putting papers into his briefcase. Kersh is standing at the head of the table with papers. Brad is starring at his watch. Watching the little second hand slowly tick its way to the 12 on his Rolex watch.
KERSH
(wrapping the meeting up)
…so what this means is that
our numbers aren't very high.
I think we all know what we
need to do about this matter.
If there are no further questions-
BRAD
(watching his watch/quick)
It's three o'clock, everyone.
Let's get out of here.
Skinner and Brad quickly get up and head for the door.
KERSH
Hold on a second, gentlemen.
Brad and Skinner turn around. They truly don't want to be there for what's to come next… the same damn thing that always comes at the end of every meeting…
KERSH
I'm having a cookout this
weekend, and you both have
to come. It's for The Brotherhood.
Skinner and Brad wince… there's no way Kersh will let them not come to the stupid Brotherhood Cookout.
BRAD
Actually, Alvin… Monica and
I were… (thinks quickly) going
out of town for the weekend.
KERSH
Oh, that's too bad. Walt?Kersh looks at Skinner with hope in his eyes. Skinner doesn't want to piss him off… Skinner gives a quick glare to Brad (who got out of this stupid cookout).
SKINNER
(reluctant)
I'd love to come, Al.
KERSH
Great. Could you bring
something nice to drink?
SKINNER
(pained smile)
Sure.
KERSH
Great. I'll see you
this weekend. (beat)
I hope you have a good
vacation out of town, Brad.
BRAD
I will.
Brad smiles, very happy to get out of the cookout thing. Brad and Skinner turn again for the door.
KERSH
Oh wait!Brad and Skinner turn again… not sure what to expect now…
KERSH
I made new buttons.Kersh comes over to them and hands them buttons to wear on their suit jackets. The button reads: "Proud Member of The Brotherhood".
With pain, Skinner and Brad take the buttons and put them in their pockets for no one to find or see.
KERSH
Oh come on guys, wear them!
Be proud to be a part of
The Brotherhood.
Kersh has the stupidest, most goofiest grin on his face.
KERSH
(smiles)
I'm wearing one!He proudly shows them the button he's wearing on his jacket.
KERSH
(encouraging)
Come on.
He seems too eager for them to wear these stupid buttons… at least they aren't as noticeable as Mulder's bright green Super Buddy T-shirts… Brad and Skinner reluctantly put on the stupid button. They quickly leave before Kersh finds something new and even more embarrassing for them. CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY
Skinner and Brad quickly walk down the hall so no one can see the stupid button.
SKINNER
I hate organized fun groups.
But at least Alvin isn't as
bad as Mulder…
BRAD
I don't even want to know the
extent of that. I've only had
a taste of him dragging Monica
out of a movie theatre so she could
be forced into Super Buddies.
SKINNER
Let's just say that if you
told Mulder "no" about a
cookout, he'd cry until you came.
Brad gives him a horrified look.
SKINNER
I'm serious…
BRAD
At least I don't have
to deal with Al's cookout.
SKINNER
So where are you and Agent
Reyes going this weekend?
BRAD
No where. I just didn't want to go.
SKINNER
(immature)
Prick.
BRAD
(in shock of the immaturity)
Excuse me? Did you just
call me a prick?
SKINNER
Yeah. You lied to get
out of this cookout.
BRAD
(accusatory)
You never have?
SKINNER
(lying)
Of course not.
BRAD
What about that time you
said you couldn't go bowling
because your cat was stuck in a tree?
SKINNER
(lying badly)
It happened.
BRAD
You don't even have a cat.
SKINNER
So.
Brad rolls his eyes.
BRAD
Besides, I have more important
things to do this weekend…
SKINNER
(doubtful)
Like what?
BRAD
Things.
Brad walks off towards his office leaving Skinner alone in the hallway. Agent Robert Alfredo comes up to Skinner, carrying a doughnut.
ALFREDO
(passing by)
Hey.
SKINNER
Hi.
Alfredo walks a few feet, then slowly backs up. He seems curious.
ALFREDO
(pointing to button/mouth full of food)
What's "The Brotherhood"?He takes a bite out of his doughnut. Skinner looks down at the button he temporarily forgot he was wearing. Embarrassed, he quickly takes if off and puts it in his pocket.
SKINNER
(lying badly)
Nothing.He quickly walks away from Alfredo and into the elevator to go down to his office.
CUT TO:
INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY
Fatboy Slim's "Talking Bout My Baby" is playing loudly and echoing through out the basement halls. It's coming from Mulder and Krycek's office. Suddenly, the music turns off and is interrupted by loud yodeling music. The yodeling is quickly shut off and Fatboy Slim continues. That is shut off and yodeling blares some more. Then Fatboy Slim. Then yodeling. Fatboy Slim. Yodeling. Fatboy Slim. Yodeling.
KRYCEK (V.O.)
(pissed/frustrated)
DAMMIT!
Yodeling continues. Fatboy Slim interrupts. Yodeling. Fatboy Slim. Yodeling. Fatboy Slim. Sesame Street's "Sunny Days, Sweeping The Clouds Away".
KRYCEK (V.O.)
(horrified)
What the hell is this!
MULDER (V.O.)
(overly excited)
I love Bert and Ernie!
The elevator to the basement dings open, and Robert Alfredo steps out… fear on his face as he hears the Sesame Street song. He cautiously makes his way to Mulder and Krycek's office. He knocks on their door. The music quickly gets shut off.
MULDER (V.O.)
Who is it?
ALFREDO
It's Robert…
KRYCEK (V.O.)
Who the hell is Robert?
Alfredo rolls his eyes.
ALFREDO
Robert, as in Alfredo.
The door swings open and there stand Mulder and Krycek. They don't look happy. Mulder has his hands on his hips. Krycek's arms are crossed across his chest as he puts on his "bad boy punk" image.
KRYCEK
Gimme back our "Hawaiian Bunny" tape.
ALFREDO
(pushing buttons)
Oh, and here I thought you'd
want "your" woman back… oh wait…
she's with me.
He smiles a sly smile. If Krycek were a cartoon, smoke would be flying out of his ears in anger.
KRYCEK
I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Krycek starts to leap towards him to kill him. However, Alfredo stops him with one hand.
ALFREDO
Hold on to that rattail of
yours Agent Krycek…
Krycek looks confused and checks his hair… he doesn't have a rattail… not since he was in elementary school…
ALFREDO
Do you guys know what "The Brotherhood" is?
MULDER
"The Brotherhood"? Never heard of it.
ALFREDO
Hmm… I thought you would've…
I saw Skinman in the hallway
just a while ago, and he was
wearing a button that said:
"Proud Member of The Brotherhood".
MULDER
(outburst)
BUT HE'S A SUPER BUDDY!
HE CAN'T BE PART OF ANOTHER
FUN GROUP! THAT ISN'T FAIR!
ALFREDO
Calm yourself Agent Mulder… I
think I know who the head of it is…
Mulder looks at him with eager eyes.
ALFREDO
It's-
MULDER
-SPILL THE BEANS!
Alfredo stops talking and looks at him.
ALFREDO
(with a hint of mischief)
No… I don't think I'll tell you…
Suddenly, Mulder drops to his knees and is in a begging position.
MULDER
(begging like a child for candy)
Please, please, please, please, please
please, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty
please with a cherry on top… pleeeeeeee-ase!
Alfredo's eyes go wide as Mulder continues his begging.
ALFREDO
Good God Agent Mulder!
Get up off the ground!
Mulder does and eagerly stands before him.
ALFREDO
It's Deputy Director Kersh.
Mulder and Krycek don't know what to think of Kersh running an organized fun group.
KRYCEK
KERSH?!
MULDER
Kersh? I didn't know
he knew how to have fun.
ALFREDO
Apparently he does.
Mulder's hamster is running wild in his head… his eyes bug as he comes to a realization…
ALFREDO
So anyway, I was wondering
if you guys would like to-
He's cut off when Mulder suddenly runs towards the elevator, almost hitting Scully and Monica as he runs inside. He closes the door and eagerly waits to go up.
MONICA
What's his problem?
SCULLY
Today? (beat) I have no
idea. (beat) Hey boys.
KRYCEK
(cool guy)
Hey, babes. What's up?
ALFREDO
You answer to "boy"?
KRYCEK
(realizing he did)
It's my pet name.
SCULLY
No it's not.
KRYCEK
Yes it is!
SCULLY
No it's not.
KRYCEK
I'M DA MAN!
Frustrated, he quickly slams the door on them. Alfredo smiles at Scully and Monica. CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - FIFTH FLOOR
Mulder is storming down the hall towards Kersh's office. He's mad and it shows. He enters Kersh's outer office. The secretary (Judy) tries to stop him, but he's determined… this is for Super Buddies dammit!
JUDY
Agent Mulder-
Mulder swings the door open. Kersh looks over irritated at him. He's on the phone.
MULDER
(shaky voice/worried)
I need to speak with you, sir.
Kersh glares at him and turns his attention back to his phone call.
KERSH
(not very happy)
I'm going to have to call
you back, Mr. President.
(beat) Yes, thank you.
Kersh hangs up the phone and glares at Mulder. Mulder takes the glare as an invitation to come in… why he feels the need to feel invited when he's already burst in, is beyond us. But in Mulder's little mind he's done nothing wrong…
KERSH
What could possibly be more-
MULDER
-Sir! I feel you are stealing
Skinner away from Super Buddies!
Kersh looks at him blankly.
KERSH
(in no mood)
What the hell is Super Buddies?
MULDER
MY ORGANIZED FUN GROUP!
Kersh has no response to this sudden outburst.
MULDER
Skinner was in Super Buddies
loooo-ng before The Brotherhood
even came about. So he's mine!
Not yours! Mine! Mine! MINE!
KERSH
I'm not sure I'm following.
MULDER
(suddenly happy and not mad)
How about we join Super Buddies
with The Brotherhood. Then we
can all take adventures-
KERSH
-No. (beat) Now if you'll
excuse me, I need to make
a phone call to the President
of the United States-
Immediately, Mulder drops to his knees in front of Kersh's desk.
MULDER
(on knees begging)
PLEASE!
Kersh looks irritated, and before he knows what's going on, Mulder is bawling his eyes out. CUT TO:
INT. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR BRAD FOLLMER'S OFFICE
Brad sits at his desk. He's not working… he's busy doing origami. By the wadded up pieces of paper that surround his desk, it seems he's been having a hard time turning the paper into a bird. A knock on the door startles him. He quickly tosses the paper off his desk and opens a file to make it look like he's working.
BRAD
(very professional)
Come in.
The door opens, and Monica comes in.
MONICA
Don't you have a secretary?
BRAD
(happy to see her)
Oh hi. (beat) I'm suppose to,
but I haven't seen her in two months.
MONICA
Did you fire her?
BRAD
Didn't really get a chance to do so.
(beat) So what brings you up here?
MONICA
You.
She slyly smiles at him and locks the office door. Brad gets up from his desk and goes up to her and kisses her. She pulls away with a laugh.
BRAD
What?
MONICA
(reading something)
"Proud Member of The Brotherhood"?
Brad looks down at that damn button Kersh gave him. He quickly takes it off and throws it on the ground.
MONICA
(amused)
What's "The Brotherhood"?
BRAD
It's something stupid
Kersh put together.
MONICA
Like Mulder's "Super Buddies"?
BRAD
I've been told… but I doubt
you came up here to talk about
Kersh and Mulder…
She smiles up at him and kisses him. A knock on the door interrupts them. Monica puts her index finger to her lips to let him know to be quiet.
KERSH (O.S.)
Brad, it's Alvin. Please
let me in before Mulder
finds me.
Brad rolls his eyes.
KERSH (O.S.)
(beginning to sound desperate)
Please. I know you're in there
with Agent Reyes… Don't make me
get "Bureau policy" on you two.Monica and Brad move away from the door, and Brad opens it. Kersh quickly walks in.
KERSH
(relieved)
Thank you. You guys have no
idea how annoying Mulder can
be. He was in my office crying
because I refuse to have The
Brotherhood join "forces" with
Super Buddies. He's so annoying.
Kersh sits down in front of Brad's desk. Brad and Monica are still standing.
BRAD
(keeping professional)
Sir, can I ask what you need?
KERSH
A place to hide from Agent Mulder.
BRAD
(amused)
The Deputy Director has
to hide from Agent Mulder?
KERSH
You don't understand. He
was crying. No, not crying. Bawling.
MONICA
Sir, what's "The Brotherhood"?
Kersh looks up at her happily.
KERSH
Well, "The Brotherhood" is this
special group exclusive to the
Director's of the FBI. We do
lot's of things. No "adventure" as
Agent Mulder has told me Super
Buddies do. We go bowling, have
cookouts and other fun get-together
things. (beat) In fact, there is a
cookout this weekend at my place that
you and Brad were invited to…
Monica's expression lightens up with happiness.
KERSH (con't)
…but since you and Brad are
going out of town this weekend…
looks like you'll have to wait
for another one.
MONICA
(confused)
Going out of town?
Brad has the classic "oh shit" look on his face.
MONICA
No, I don't think we were-
Brad lets out a loud cough to interrupt her. She stops and looks at him. He shakes his head "no". Kersh is waiting for her to continue.
Monica mouths off "why not?" to Brad. He just shakes his head "no". Monica turns to Kersh.
MONICA
Will you excuse us, sir?
KERSH
(a bit confused)
Certainly.
Monica takes Brad out of the office. INT. BRAD'S OUTER OFFICE
Monica and Brad shut the door behind them.
MONICA
I don't get it. Why not?
BRAD
(pained)
It's Kersh.
MONICA
He can't be as bad as Mulder.
BRAD
He makes me wear buttons.
MONICA
And Mulder makes me wear a lime
green T-shirt with red text that
does a number on your eyes.
BRAD
(smiles)
You already do a number on my eyes.
Monica hits him.
BRAD
(re: hit)
I meant that in a good way.
MONICA
I know…
She smiles at him flirtatiously, then quickly gets out of it and back to what she was doing.
MONICA
Brad, I think we should go
to Alvin's cookout.
BRAD
Give me one good reason why.
MONICA
I want to, and we were
invited. (beat) There. I
gave you two good reasons.
They stand in silence looking at each other.
BRAD
(reluctant)
Ok, you win. We'll go.He smiles at her.
MONICA
(happy)
Good. Let's go tell him we'll be there.
They go back into Brad's office. INT. BRAD'S OFFICE
Kersh has picked up some of the origami Brad was attempting.
BRAD
What are you doing?
KERSH
(re: origami)
Keeping busy?
He holds up a "bird".
BRAD
Yeah. (beat) You can count
on Monica and I coming to
your cookout this weekend.
Kersh's face lights up with a big smile.
KERSH
That's wonderful. Can you bring
a Mexican dish? Brad tells me
you're an excellent cook.
MONICA
Sure.
Kersh happily gets up and leaves the office, forgetting about why he wanted to hide in there in the first place. CUT TO:
INT. DOGGETT & REYES BASEMENT OFFICE
Agent Scully sits at Monica's desk, completely irritated with Krycek's music he is blaring. She's decided to hook headphones up to Monica's computer speakers and listen to her own selection of music: Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor. She is busy checking her email when Agent Doggett comes in. She doesn't notice him.
DOGGETT
Agent Scully?
No answer from Scully. She can't hear him.
DOGGETT
(a little louder)
Agent Scully?Realizing she's hooked up to the computer and listening to music, he taps her on the shoulder and startles her.
SCULLY
Oh my god!
She turns to face him and takes off the headphones.
DOGGETT
Didn't mean to scare you.
SCULLY
It's ok. I'm just trying
to escape the annoying music
Krycek has decided to blare.
DOGGETT
I completely understand. That
crap can kill your brain cells.
SCULLY
I know, I was feeling the
intelligence being sucked
right from my head.
DOGGETT
So what are you listening to?
SCULLY
Some good old classical music.
She smiles at him. Doggett picks up the CD case.
DOGGETT
I love Rachmaninov.
SCULLY
Me too.
Suddenly, the office door swings open, and in steps Mulder. His eyes are all puffy and red from crying, however he doesn't seem sad any more. He's more determined.
MULDER
Guys! You have to come over
to Alex and mine's apartment
tomorrow! We're having a super
fun Super Buddy party!
He leaves the office and shuts the door behind him. Scully and Doggett share a look and shrug their shoulders… they can see that Mulder has been crying and they don't want to disturb him more… it's safer just to go…
A beat later, Mulder comes running back in.
MULDER
Hey wait, where's Monica?
SCULLY
She went up to Brad's.
Mulder darts out of the office to go find her.
DOGGETT
Is he always this crazy?
SCULLY
You've known him for how many
years and still feel the need
to ask such a silly question?
Doggett laughs, realizing it is rather silly of him to ask that question. They all know Mulder is freakish about Super Buddies.
SCULLY
I wonder what time we're
suppose to be there. He
never said… I wonder what
this "party" is really about…
DOGGETT
Who knows. It's Mulder.
Krycek comes in. He doesn't look very happy.
KRYCEK
(mad)
This is crap!
DOGGETT
Your music?
SCULLY
What? Monica didn't give
you the time of day again?
KRYCEK
Not just that, but this
whole stupid Super Buddy
party thing Mulder wants
to have.
Scully cocks her eyebrow. Usually Krycek goes along with any party.
KRYCEK
It sucks!
SCULLY
Why?
KRYCEK
Because it's all about how
Kersh has "stolen" da Skinman
away from Super Buddies… or so
Mulder thinks…
SCULLY
Since when do you care
about Super Buddies.
Krycek quickly catches himself… he doesn't want anyone to know he secretly likes Super Buddies… that could be a horrible thing!
KRYCEK
I don't care! So what if da
Skinman is in another organized
fun club! I don't care! He
should be free to do what he wants!
DOGGETT
So then why is this bothering you?
KRYCEK
It's not! It's just that now
I can't watch porn tomorrow!
SCULLY
Why not?
KRYCEK
Mulder won't allow it during
a stupid Super Buddies thing!
Krycek quickly leaves the office in a bad mood. Out in the hallway, Scully and Doggett can hear the elevator ding and the immediate sound of Mulder bawling his eyes out. They hear him running towards their office.
SCULLY
Quick! Shut the door, John!
Doggett quickly gets up and heads to the door. But he's too late! Mulder pushes his way into the office. He's very, truly and deeply disturbed.
MULDER
OH GAWD!He flops to the floor in a pathetic pile of sorrow.
Doggett and Scully share a look… they don't know what to think of this new "Mulder Outburst".
Scully bravely goes over to him and kneels down next to him.
SCULLY
Fox darling? What's wrong?
She's almost afraid to ask for fear of what will come out.
MULDER
(bawling)
MONICA!
Scully looks up at Doggett as Mulder continues to sob.
SCULLY
What about Monica?
MULDER
(bawling/looking up)
She… Brotherhood… week…
Oh gawd! It's all over!He slams his face down onto the hard floor and continues to sob. Scully rubs his back to comfort him, not sure what to think of what he's trying to say.
SCULLY
I'm sorry, Fox, I-
MULDER
-It's not your fault!
SCULLY
No, that's not what I was
saying… I was saying that
I couldn't understand what
you were trying to tell me.
Mulder sits up and looks at her. He takes a few deep breaths to help bring oxygen to his lungs and brain.
MULDER
(choking up)
Monica… she…
SCULLY
(trying to follow)
She…
MULDER
Going to cookout… tomorrow…
He starts to cry again.
SCULLY
What does this have to do
with anything?
MULDER
PARTY BUDDIES MY SUPER!
Scully and Doggett look at him oddly… what the hell is he trying to say?
MULDER
(realizing he said it backwards)
I mean: MY SUPER BUDDIES PARTY!
SCULLY
Kersh invited Monica to
go to his cookout?
MULDER
YES!He starts to bawl again, and falls back down to the hard ground face first. He sobs harder.
MULDER
(sobbing in pain)
Ow! My big nose got in the way!!Scully and Doggett try to hold in their laughter. Mulder looks up at Scully, who quickly changes her amused expression to a more sympathetic one.
SCULLY
Don't worry Mulder, we'll
have fun at your super fun
Super Buddies Party.
She gives him a reassuring smile, in the hopes that it'll work. And it does! Mulder smiles a big smile and hugs Scully tightly.
SCULLY
(after a beat)
Mulder… I need air.
Mulder pulls away from her to allow her to get some air… his hug was a little too super… CUT TO:
INT. KERSH'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Kersh and his wife (Linda) are in the kitchen preparing for their guest to arrive.
LINDA
I'm so glad we're having another
cookout before the busy holidays.
KERSH
Me too. Once the holidays
come, moods dampen and
everyone is just so busy.
LINDA
It's a good thing we got
the holiday shopping done
well before Thanksgiving.She looks over and smiles at him. She holds up a tray of neatly cut vegetables for his approval.
KERSH
Perfect as usual, honey.
She smiles. The doorbell rings.
KERSH
I'll get it.He smiles and gives Linda a kiss on the cheek as he goes to the front door.
He gets to the front door and opens it and there stands Monica and Brad. Monica has with her some chips and salsa… some big Mexican dish, huh? Kersh has a big smile on his face. Very different than how anyone is use to seeing him at the office… but that's all just an act to keep his agents in line. He's a nice guy.
KERSH
Come on in. I'm glad
you could make it. Allow
me to take this off your
hands for you.
He smiles at Monica and takes the chips and salsa.
MONICA
Thank you.
KERSH
Smells good.
Monica is a little confused about his reaction to chips and salsa, but shrugs it off as being "just a polite host". Kersh moves to the side and allows them to enter his house.
INT. KERSH'S HOUSE
It's a big house with clean white walls, white carpeting, hardwood floor nicely vanished, nicely furnished rooms… the typical house you'd expect from a Deputy Director of the FBI.
Kersh shows them to his patio. Even though it is getting colder up north during this time of year, (yes, the writer has not forgotten that it gets cold up north in November…) Kersh has a nice little porch that has a few heaters set up to keep people warm.
KERSH
Have a seat out here,
Linda and I will be
out in just a moment.
BRAD
All right.
Kersh goes back inside.
MONICA
This isn't too bad so far.
Brad just smiles. She's right. Kersh isn't all that bad… it's just those damn buttons. CUT TO:
INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APARTMENT
Mulder is busy setting up colorful balloons for his Super Buddies party without Skinner and Monica… the traitors to Super Buddies (at least in Mulder's mind).
While Mulder is busy setting up for the party, Krycek is busy doing nothing but watch his Saturday afternoon porn.
KRYCEK
(re: porn)
She's hot. (beat) She's not,
but she's got a nice ass.
(beat) That's the dumbest
line ever in a porn. (beat)
Ooh… sexy… I'd bet they'd
want a little Russian Love...
MULDER
(sneering)
Yeah, you are small.
KRYCEK
Shut it!
MULDER
Well you could help!
KRYCEK
What is the point of this, Mulder?
MULDER
It's a Super Buddies party!
KRYCEK
(trying to get his hidden agenda out)
With the purpose of…
MULDER
Having fun! (beat/quieter) And
to show that Super Buddies is
more fun than The Brotherhood.
Krycek nods his head understanding now…
KRYCEK
That's what I thought. (beat)
You're jealous of Kersh because
he's having a cookout with two
members of Super Buddies and
he won't give you the time of day
to even discuss the collaboration
of Super Buddies with The Brotherhood.
MULDER
(immature)
He's stealing!
KRYCEK
(not fully understanding Mulder)
Stealing what?Krycek turns off the porn and stands up.
MULDER
My members!
KRYCEK
(calm)
You don't own them.
MULDER
But they're members of
Super Buddies… there are
certain rules to be followed.
KRYCEK
This doesn't go back to the
rule about how "when Super Buddies
do something with another Super Buddy,
all Super Buddies must attend", does it?
MULDER
It's a rule!
KRYCEK
It's a dumb rule.
MULDER
It is not!
KRYCEK
Yes it is, Mulder.
MULDER
Ok! Fine! Do you know
what I think a dumb rule is?
KRYCEK
What?
MULDER
Rule number one!
Mulder marches into the kitchen and retrieves the apartment Ground Rules and takes a red marker to the first rule: "You don't touch Marita.", and marks it off. He shows it to Krycek in an immature way of saying "So HA!" It doesn't work. Krycek stands there with his arms crossed looking at Mulder. He's being mature for once… how long can this last?!
KRYCEK
(calm and mature)
In case you've missed it Mulder,
Marita and I aren't together any
more. She's with Robert Alfredo.
MULDER
(eyes wide)
So you do know his name is Robert!
Mulder points to Krycek in an accusatory way. Krycek is confused by what he means and his expression shows it.
MULDER
Yesterday at work you acted like
you didn't know who the hell Robert was!
KRYCEK
(blankly)
And you just said the "H" word.
Mulder's eyes go wide as he realizes what he said. He covers his mouth in shock.
MULDER
(panic)
Oh golly! (beat) But that's
besides the point! Why do you
act dumb!?
KRYCEK
Why do you act gay?
MULDER
To keep the women from flocking
to me so I can remain faithful
to my love Diana Fowley! (beat) You?
KRYCEK
Ok, I act dumb because…
because… (beat) Well, I don't know.
MULDER
That's a stupid answer.
KRYCEK
(loosing his maturity)
So. I don't care. I have
my reasons, I just can't
tell you because they are
top secret reasons.
MULDER
What does that mean?
There is a knock on the door.
KRYCEK
That means it's time
for you to get the door.
Mulder slams the Ground Rules down onto the table and storms to the door. He's mad that Krycek isn't telling him things. Krycek looks down at the Ground Rules and takes a pen and re-writes in rule number one.
Mulder comes walking back in with Marita.
MARITA
(happy)
Hi Alex!
Krycek looks up from the Ground Rules. He quickly hides them when he sees Marita. He doesn't want her to know that he still wants her when she's with Robert Alfredo.
KRYCEK
Hi Marita.There is a tension between them in the room… it's sensed, and Mulder is getting uncomfortable. He quickly leaves.
KRYCEK
(nice and polite)
So… how have you been? I
haven't seen you in a while.
MARITA
I'm dating Robert. I've
never been more happier
before in my life. He's
the most loving lover I've
ever had. Much better than
you, and more mature.
She comes off very harsh, as intended, breaking our little Sasha's heart… There is another knock on the door.
KRYCEK
(trying to cover his feelings)
Will you excuse me, I
have to get the door.
Marita waves him on as if she doesn't care what he does and takes a seat on the couch. Krycek goes to the door and opens it. It's Doggett and Scully.
KRYCEK
(a little sad; trying to hide it)
Hey guys, come on in.
DOGGETT
Thanks.
Doggett and Scully enter. Doggett continues into the living room. Scully senses Krycek's breaking heart and stays behind to talk to him.
SCULLY
Is everything all right?
KRYCEK
(obviously lying)
Just fine. Thanks. (beat) We're
all gathering in the living room.He walks away from her to avoid a painful conversation about his feelings for Marita and how she keeps crushing him. Scully follows.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Scully, Doggett and Marita sit on the couch. Krycek takes a seat in a chair. Mulder comes into the living room with a bowl of candy. A gigantic bowl with different kinds of candy. Gobstoppers, Jelly Beans, Twizzlers, Reese's Pieces, M&Ms, Jolly Ranchers, Tootsie Rolls, Gummy Bears, mini Crunch bars, and much much more.
MULDER
Ok! Now that everyone is here-
KRYCEK
-Not everyone is here.
MULDER
Yes, everyone is here.
KRYCEK
No. (beat) You're little
brother… Spendie-Wendie.
Mulder slaps his forehead very hard.
MULDER
Doh!
He quickly runs out the door.
KRYCEK
He'll be back and Spender
will be confused as hell.
They all nod their heads in agreement as they wait for Mulder. CUT TO:
EXT. KERSH'S PATIO
By this time, Skinner has arrived. Everyone is enjoying a nice meal cooked up by Kersh and his wife. Everyone has finished with their meals.
KERSH
Thanks for bring the lemonade, Walter.
SKINNER
Not a problem.
Linda stands up and starts to pick up after everyone.
MONICA
Let me help you.
She takes some plates into the kitchen with Linda. INT. KITCHEN
They enter and put the plates into the sink.
MONICA
I had no idea Alvin was
like this, you know? (beat)
Well, you probably don't know…
LINDA
He only puts on that tough act at work.
MONICA
I can tell. I never saw him
as the kind of guy to have a patio.
His aura never seemed that free.
Linda laughs.
LINDA
Everyone has their moments.
MONICA
Yeah, I guess so.
LINDA
So how long have you
and Brad been together?
MONICA
Off and on for a long time.
LINDA
I couldn't help but notice
that nice ring on your finger.
She gives Monica a sly smile. Monica smiles back. Kersh, Skinner and Brad come in from the patio.
SKINNER
(checking his watch)
Well, I've got to get
going. Thanks for having me.
KERSH
Thanks for coming. Next
weekend we'll go-
LINDA
-Alvin, your agents need
to have a life of their own too.She smiles at Skinner. He smiles back relieved that she saved him from another Brotherhood get-together.
KERSH
You're right.He smiles at everyone.
SKINNER
I guess I'll see everyone
on Monday. Except for you
Linda. But I'm sure I'll
see you again before the end
of the year.
LINDA
I'm sure.She looks at Kersh with a smile. He truly loves his Brotherhood get-togethers.
Kersh and Linda walk Skinner to the door, leaving Monica and Brad in the kitchen.
MONICA
So what's so bad about these?
BRAD
Just the buttons I guess.
Although in the summertime,
it's hysterical to see Alvin
in a tall chef's hat at the grill.
MONICA
(laughs)
I bet.
BRAD
So the holidays are coming up.
I was thinking maybe we could
tell family about our good news.Monica doesn't answer him. She knows he knows how scared she is to tell her family about him for fear of what they'll do. Brad senses her thoughts.
BRAD
At least my family. (beat)
That is if they'll talk to me.
MONICA
You're their only son.
I'm sure they'll-
She's cut off by Kersh and Linda coming back in.
KERSH
I don't think Walter likes
to come to these cookouts.
BRAD
Maybe it's the buttons.
Kersh laughs, not realizing that Brad's serious.
MONICA
I've had a wonderful time, and
I'd hate to call it a day, but
Brad and I have some things to do.
LINDA
All right. It was great meeting you.
They start to head for the door.
KERSH
Wait, before you go, I
want your opinion on
something, Brad.
They stop walking and Kersh goes to a desk and pulls out a piece of paper.
KERSH
It's a new design for a button.
LINDA
They have to get going, Alvin.
She smiles at Brad and Monica.
KERSH
All right. I guess it can
wait until Monday.
BRAD
Yeah…They leave.
CUT TO:
INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APARTMENT
Everyone is sitting on the floor around the coffee table. Mulder has dragged Spender up to the party, and he's not happy. Mulder is standing up in front of everyone with a marker. Behind him is a gigantic photo of Skinner.
MULDER
Ok, so the rules to the game are
to make Skinner look as stupid
as possible by drawing on his photo.
MARITA
Isn't this a little immature?
SPENDER
No kidding, Mulder.
MULDER
He's a traitor to Super Buddies.
SCULLY
Really Mulder… drawing on a
photo because he's at a cookout?
DOGGETT
You gotta admit, it's a little lame.
MULDER
NO IT ISN'T!
KRYCEK
Mulder, people have other
lives outside of Super Buddies.
Why can't you learn to deal with that?
MULDER
But Super Buddies was created
so we could all be brought
together in friendship. No fighting.
No hating. No being traitors like
Walter and Monica! You know, love
and friendship. Not a Brotherhood!
He stomps his foot on the ground to emphasize his point… whatever point he's trying to make… Spender points to Mulder's foot.
SPENDER
Ok, Mulder. The stomping of
the foot is unnecessary. I
hear that all the time. You
guys are the loudest most annoying
upstairs neighbors anyone could
ever have.
SCULLY
No… I don't think so, you
haven't heard our upstairs
neighbors.
MARITA
Oh, I know. Last night
they were playing stupid
rap music with heavy bass.
Even when Dana and I went
up to tell them to turn it
down. They couldn't hear us
knocking on the door.
SCULLY
I know. I don't know
how Monica slept through it.
MARITA
I know! It was almost
like she wasn't there!
SCULLY
I know!
MULDER
I'm not loud.
SPENDER
Yes you are. You don't
live below you. You and
Alex are loud. No, not
loud… you are the equivalent
to a stampede of elephants.
KRYCEK
No way.
SPENDER
Yes way. (beat) Every
Wednesday night I hear
bouncing or whatever you
two are doing. It's annoying.
MULDER
Oh, you mean "Pogo-Stick Night"?
SPENDER
"POGO-STICK NIGHT"?!
KRYCEK
I don't do it.
MULDER
You do too!
KRYCEK
Do not!
MULDER
DO TOO!
KRYCEK
DO NOT!
MULDER
TOO!
KRYCEK
NOT!
MULDER
TOO!
MARITA
(high pitched and squeaky)
STOP IT!!Marita's yelling shuts them up.
Scully is holding her forehead in pain…
SCULLY
I think I'm calling it a
day. I've had enough "super fun".
DOGGETT
Me too.
SPENDER
I'm with ya.
MULDER
(pleading)
Guys! No! You can't
leave! Not now! The
fun has just begun!
SCULLY
No, the fighting has just begun.
She gets up off the ground, followed by Doggett and Spender. Marita follows them too.
MARITA
I'd have to agree. I don't
want to be around such negativity.
I'm going over to my lover's house.She smirks at Krycek, knowing his feelings for her. This hurts him, but he won't let it show.
Everyone is walking to the door. Mulder can do nothing but watch them leave. A complete sense of helplessness falls over him. The door shuts and the apartment is empty and quiet. Mulder turns to face Krycek. A small tear in his eye. This isn't how he wanted his super fun Super Buddies party to be. He sniffles and quickly runs into The Love Room to hide. Krycek just sits in the chair.
CUT TO:
INT. SCULLY/MARITA/MONICA'S APARTMENT
For once, the apartment is silenced from their annoying upstairs neighbors. Monica and Brad come out of Monica's room with two boxes full of some of her things.
Scully and Marita come home.
MARITA
Oh goodie, they're silent up there.
MONICA
Hey guys, how was the party?
SCULLY
Well… Mulder was too busy
trying to get revenge on you
and Walter because you were
at Kersh's… so… it was horrible.
MONICA
He's really bothered by that?
SCULLY
Mulder has this thing about
how Super Buddies always have
to do other things with other
Super Buddies. It's some kind
of "rule" or something. I don't know.
MONICA
Hmm…
She picks up one of her boxes and she and Brad head to the door.
MARITA
What are you doing with those boxes?
MONICA
Oh, umm… giving some things
to charity. You know, things
you'd never do.
She gives Marita a smile.
MARITA
I give to charity!
SCULLY
(rolling eyes)
Sure you do, Marita.
MONICA
Anyway, I'll see you guys later.
SCULLY
Ok.Monica and Brad leave.
MARITA
Well, I'm going to go to
my lover's house. Of course
you must never know what's
that like because you don't
have anyone.
SCULLY
Marita, drop it. I don't care.
Marita squints her eyes. Mad that Scully didn't over react. She turns with a squeak and leaves. CUT TO:
INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APARTMENT - 7:30 P.M.
Mulder is still crying in The Love Room. Krycek is no where to be seen in the quiet apartment.
Suddenly, the beautiful beginning notes of Liszt's "Love Dreams" starts to be played from somewhere in the apartment.
The door to The Love Room opens as the mystical and soothing notes continue to be played. Mulder stands in the doorway confused. He walks over to the front entry of the apartment to discover that Krycek is playing the song on a piano. He's in The Zone and doesn't notice Mulder watching him.
Krycek intensely plays the song… no music sheet in front of him. Mulder sits down in awe. He didn't even know Krycek knew how to play the piano. He didn't even know they had a piano.
Tears well up in Mulder's eyes as Krycek continues to play to the end.
The final notes finish and Mulder claps immediately! He's never been so touched before in his life!
Krycek quickly turns around, startled that someone heard him play the piece beautifully.
MULDER
Bravo! Bravo!
KRYCEK
I thought you were crying!
He didn't want anyone to know he played the piano… and at that he played a beautiful song called "Love Dreams"!
MULDER
When did we get a piano?
KRYCEK
I brought it up from my storage.
MULDER
That was beautiful man!
KRYCEK
(giving up his macho look)
I know! I've been practicing so
I can play it for Marita.
MULDER
That's touching man!
Mulder wipes a tear from his eye. Krycek gets up from the piano and goes into the kitchen. Mulder follows.
KRYCEK
So are you ok now? No more crying?
MULDER
I think so. For now any way.
KRYCEK
Seriously Mulder… people have lives.
MULDER
I know…
KRYCEK
But you have to remember that
even though they have lives,
they are still your friends. Ok?
Mulder nods his head.
MULDER
So I guess the moral to this
story is: to let your friends
have space, right?
KRYCEK
Maybe.
MULDER
And not to over react when
two Super Buddies go to a
cookout, because… after all,
they still are my Super Buddies.Krycek nods his head in agreement.
MULDER
Ok! Moral over! Let's go
annoy Spender with our
Saturday night dancing!
KRYCEK
OK!
Mulder and Krycek happily go into the living room, turn on loud hip-hop music and start to jump around to annoy Spender. Off their immature behaviour, we…
FADE OUT:
THE END.
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