Review By: Gothic Spook "Ew! No! You can’t kiss me!" - Alex Krycek Is Krycek passing up an opotunity to get a kiss?
But who is asking?
|
 |
Title: "Krycek-Cam"
Written by: Kristi
Date: June 2-3, 2005; July 6, 2005
Air Date: October 17, 2005
Rating: PG-13 (for Krycek activity)
Series: FRVS - Episode #155
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: We love it. There is a form at the bottom of this story that you can use to send us feedback. Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: We do not own anyone. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions, and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting.
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.
Summary: Krycek, Spender and Skinner take a night out on the town.
FADE IN:
INT. SPENDER’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
We are at the point-of-view of a home video recorder, seeing an odd angle of Spender’s black leather couch. A little red blinking light with “REC” is in the upper right hand corner along with the date, August 26, 2005, as we will “see” this episode through the POV of the camcorder.
Krycek sits down on the couch, his head and neck are chopped off from bad positioning of the video recorder that rests on Spender’s coffee table.
KRYCEK
(ego)
This is Alex “Sexy” Krycek – like you
couldn’t tell... Okay, so here’s my plan
for tonight... I’m takin’ my posse out on the
town and I’m gonna take you, my handy-dandy
home video recorder, with me so I can get
Spender and Skinner hammered and film all of
the incriminating black mail that will happen to them.He laughs deviously.
SPENDER (O.S.)
Hey Krycek! Haul ass out here! Stop
being such a girl! No one cares what
you look like! You’ve been in the
bathroom for twenty minutes! Come on!
KRYCEK
(to Spender)
Coming! (back to camera) I haven’t
actually been in the bathroom for
twenty minutes, I’ve been-
SPENDER (O.S.)
Come on, Runt!
KRYCEK
Oh...Krycek gets up from the couch and the camera gets switched off.
CUT TO:
INT. SPENDER’S CAR – NIGHT
Krycek’s video camera switches on. The same “REC” in the corner followed by the same date is in the corner. The video is dark since it is night time and there aren’t any lights on.
Spender is driving, we see him from a profile show, indicating that Krycek is sitting in the front passenger seat. Spender is oblivious to the camera.
SPENDER
... so my dad died?
KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Yep.
SPENDER
And you shot him?
KRYCEK
Yep.
SPENDER
(enthusiastic)
That’s awesome! He was such
an asshole, you know?
SKINNER (O.S.)
How much did you see him
when you were growing up?Skinner’s voice comes from the back seat. He too has not noticed the camera.
SPENDER
Hardly ever.
SKINNER (O.S.)
Probably why you’re so normal.
SPENDER
When I did see him, his arrogance
made me ill. Along with his smoking.
I’m surprised he didn’t die of lung cancer sooner.
KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
I think the way I took
him out was better.Spender looks over at Krycek.
SPENDER
Did you shoot him in the head?
KRYCEK
Yep.
SPENDER
What’s with the camera?Spender gives Krycek a strange look.
KRYCEK
Recording history.
SKINNER (O.S.)
He’s got a camera?The camera quickly pans over to see Skinner sitting in the back.
KRYCEK
Yeah buddy!
SKINNER
What historical thing are you up to?
KRYCEK
I’m not up to anything.
SPENDER (O.S.)
(doubtful)
Sure. You not up to something is impossible.The camera quickly pans over to see Spender, a little too close. Spender puts his hand over the lens in frustration.
SPENDER
Turn that damn thing off and
tell me where this club it.
KRYCEK
Get your hand off the camera and I will.Spender removes his hand and gives an irritated glare at the camera.
KRYCEK
Okay, it’s called The Ladies of
the Night Club. It’s not far down
this road, so keep heading this way.
SKINNER (O.S.)
You really think that I should go
to a club called “The Ladies of the
Night” if I’m trying to get back with Kim?
KRYCEK
Yes. I’ve been there before and
it’s awesome and crawling with women.
SKINNER
(doubting)
I don’t know, Krycek. I’ve gotten
Mulder to help me with the Kim situation
and I wouldn’t want her to know I’d go
to a place like that.
SPENDER
You’ve asked for Mulder’s help?Spender laughs.
SKINNER
Why’s that funny?
SPENDER
Because Mulder doesn’t know
anything about women.
KRYCEK
No kidding.The camera catches Spender running a red light. Krycek laughs quietly.
SPENDER
You should’ve come to me.
KRYCEK
Or me.
SKINNER
(hell no!)
Oh right, and have the two of you
hit on her? I don’t think so. She
wouldn’t want that, and she wouldn’t
appreciate me sending either one of you.
KRYCEK
Yes she would.
SKINNER
No she wouldn’t.
KRYCEK
I know she wants a
piece of my sexiness.
SKINNER
And that is exactly why I
wouldn’t want you to go near her.
KRYCEK
You just know that my
Russian Love Gun would-
SKINNER
(angry)
-I swear to god, Krycek. If you
continue like this, I’m going to
snap your neck. (beat) Remember, I was in ‘Nam.The car becomes very silent as we see Spender pull into the parking lot of The Ladies of the Night Club.
The camera cuts out.
CUT TO:
INT. LADIES OF THE NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT
The camera comes on and we see the back of Skinner and Spender’s heads. Lights are blinking, a disco ball is rotating over the dance floor, and “YMCA” by The Village People is blaring loudly throughout the club.
Skinner, Spender and Krycek head to the bar. The camera’s POV (aka: Krycek’s POV) scans the club, finding people in dresses, which he “eyes” with the camera up and down, checking them out.
KRYCEK
This is my kind of place!They reach the bar and all three of them sit on bar stools.
The male bartender comes over to them. He’s wearing a white leather open vest, exposing his bare chest, and wears a black sailor hat.
BARTENDER
What can I get for you ladies to drink?The bartender looks at Krycek and the camera, eyes him up and down and winks at him.
KRYCEK
(defensive)
Um... I’m not gay.Krycek turns the camera on Spender and Skinner. They look at him.
BARTENDER (O.S.)
(doubtful of Krycek)
Right, sweetheart.
SPENDER
(amused)
So, you’ve been here before Alex?He looks right into the camera.
KRYCEK
Yeah, that’s right. (beat) Here take the camera.The camera gets put into Spender’s hands, angled down on the floor.
KRYCEK (O.S.)
I’m gonna go hit on some chicks.We see Krycek’s feel walk away, and the camera angles up to see him go into the crowded dance floor.
SKINNER (O.S.)
I doubt he’s been here before.
SPENDER
(behind camera)
It’s a gay bar.
SKINNER (O.S.)
I don’t think he realizes that
there are only men here.
SPENDER
(behind camera)
I’m sure the dresses they
are wearing confuse him.They both laugh.
SKINNER (O.S.)
This is what is great about going
out on the town with Alex.In the crowd, we see Krycek go up to a “lady” of the night and start flirting with “her”. Skinner and Spender quietly laugh as they secretly catch a classic, embarrassing moment of Krycek’s on tape. Guess it’s a good thing he brought this thing after all.
The “woman” Krycek is flirting with speaks to him, and suddenly Krycek isn’t such the “ladies man” he was hoping himself to be. He quickly starts to make his way out of the crowded dance floor.
SKINNER (O.S.)
(amused)
Did you get it?
SPENDER
(behind camera; amused)
Hell yeah.
SKINNER (O.S.)
Quick turn it off so he doesn’t know.The camera cuts out.
CUT TO:
INT. SPENDER’S CAR – NIGHT
The camera is switched on once again. This time we see from the back seat. Spender is driving again and this time Skinner is in the front passenger seat. They are both laughing.
SKINNER
(highly amused)
You know Krycek, that’s
two on your record.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Shut up.
SPENDER
What do you mean “two”?Skinner looks back at Krycek and sees he has the camera rolling. He’d love to get this one tape, but it’s an embarrassing Krycek story. He has to play it right... find someway to keep Krycek running the camera.
SKINNER
(sounding really into it)
Well, it happened a couple years
ago. Mulder told me about it.
KRYCEK
Shut up, Cue-ball!
SKINNER
It was at that Laundromat on Market street.Skinner looks back at the camera, turning on the car’s inside light so the camera can see him well.
SKINNER (CON’T)
Wasn’t that the day Mulder washed fish?
Spender laughs.
SPENDER
He washed fish? Like pet fish?
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Not the fish in his apartment. He
won them or something and then decided
that they needed something bigger than
the plastic bag. (beat) So he put
them in the washer.Spender shakes his head in disbelief.
SPEDNER
Tell me he didn’t add soap.
KRYCEK
He did.
SPENDER
Oh no.
KRYCEK
He said it was a habit.
SKINNER
And then Krycek hit on a
transvestite named George.Spender bursts out laughing.
KRYCEK
(mad)
Hey! I thought we were telling
the fish story! You punk!
SKINNER
(laughing)
Aw come on Krycek, it’s funny.
Laugh at yourself a little.
KRYCEK
(mad)
Yeah, well, you... you...
you’re bald! So ha!
SPENDER
(laughing)
Oh yeah, that’s the same. (beat)
Admit it, you’ve got a thing for transvestites.
KRYCEK
I do not! I’m married to Marita!
SKINNER
Yeah, and you still hit on
a transvestite tonight.Spender looks back at Krycek from the rear-view mirror.
SPENDER
(confused)
Wait, when did you marry Marita? And
why are you still living with me if
she’s your wife?
KRYCEK
It’s complicated. And Dr. Peterson
said she needed to be on her own for
a while so she’s not dependent on
other people all the time.
SKINNER
Maybe you should talk to him.Spender turns off the inner light, causing the camera to go out of focus for a moment.
KRYCEK
What for?
SKINNER
You’ve lived with Mulder for
how many years? And now you’re
with Spender, who lives below
Mulder. You’ve got this strange
attachment to Fox Mulder.
KRYCEK
I do not.
SKINNER
You do too. Look at yourself.
SPENDER
He has a point.
KRYCEK
I am so not attached to Fox Mulder.
SPENDER
(doubting)
Whatever.
KRYCEK
(defensive)
Hey! I’ll have you know-The camera angel drops to the floor and switches off.
CUT TO:
EXT. MANNER’S BAR – NIGHT
Skinner and Spender make their way into Manner’s Bar, followed by Krycek and his camera.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
I’m tellin’ you, I lied before.
I’ve never been to that club.
Skinner shakes his head and laughs.
SPENDER
Sure... whatever you say Alex.Spender looks back with doubt to the camera as they enter Manner’s Bar.
INT. MANNER’S BAR – CON’T
The bar is packed on this Friday night. Music is blaring and everyone is having a good time. The boys make their way over to the bar. Kim, the bartender, smiles at them and waves at the camera.
KIM
Hey fellas, what’ll it be?
SPENDR
Beers all around, man.
KIM
Comin’ right up.
KRYCEK
Hey, we should shoot some pool!Krycek sets the camera down on the bar, and out POV is of beer mugs, pretzels, and napkins. Kim places three beer mugs down on the bar and they get picked up as all three head over to an open pool table in the distance.
In the background, we see Krycek racking up all the pool balls, and Spender chalking up a pool stick. Skinner sits down to where he can watch them shoot pool.
Knowle Rohrer enters frame in the foreground, not noticing the camera right next to him.
KNOWLE
(to bartender)
Hit me. Somethin’ hard.A shot of whisky is placed in front of him and he downs it. He sits down on the barstool.
KIM (O.S.)
Need to talk.Knowle lets out a sigh.
KNOWLE
Probably. (beat) Could I have a beer?Kim enters frame a little ways away, filling a mug full of beer. Knowle rubs the back of his neck. The beer mugs gets set in front of him and he takes a small drink.
KNOWLE
I don’t know what to do right
now. (beat) You see, I’ve got
this problem and I...Knowle sighs. How can he talk about this?
KIM
Alcohol problem?
KNOWLE
Nah, that’s a problem, but not
what I’m talkin’ about.He takes another drink and takes a deep breath.
KNOWLE
There’s this woman... I’ve known her for
a long time. She’s a wonderful person. Always
knows how to bring a smile to my face, you know?
(beat) But she’s no where near available to me,
and I’ve started having these feelings for her.He takes another drink.
KNOWLE (CON’T)
Then there’s the woman I’m with. (beat)
It’s a pretty rocky relationship. You see,
we used to be swingers. She stopped long
before me because she wants... the “C” word.
KIM
Commitment?
KNOWLE
Ah, don’t say it.He takes another drink.
KNOWLE (CON’T)
She means a lot to me, but with these
other feelings I’ve developed for this
other woman... I’m confused, you know? I
mean, she’s engaged and loves the guy. He’s
a nice guy too. (beat) I guess part of me is
wondering “what if” about this other woman.
Do I mention it to her? To Shan’? I don’t know.
(beat) Will Mon’ hate me because of these feelings?
Will Shannon? (beat) I mean, I am at a total loss
here. (beat) I care a lot for both of them.Skinner makes his way over to the bar, having had enough of Krycek and Spender shooting pool. He sits down two seats away from Knowle.
KIM
How long have you been with... Shannon?
KNOWLE
Years. (beat) We officially hooked
up in high school. (beat) In all honesty,
our relationship isn’t... healthy, you know?
KIM
What about the other one? Monica?
(beat) When did these feelings
for her begin?
SKINNER
(to Kim)
Kim, another.Knowle takes another sip of his drink as Kim gives Skinner another beer, who downs the mug full... his night on the town with Krycek is getting to him.
KNOWLE
(after a beat; to Kim)
I don’t know when I started having these
feelings for Monica. (beat) She went missing
for about a year. She was held against her will
somewhere. I helped get her and her friend out,
but then they were caught. (beat) Seeing the
condition she was in broke my heart, you know? (beat)
I don’t know. Maybe it was in that moment. Maybe I
thought about what life would be like without her
in it and it started to make me realize how much
she means to me. I don’t know. (beat) She’s been back
for a while now. I haven’t seen her a lot. She’s
called me a lot though. (beat) I really don’t know
when or how it happened.
KIM
We’re you close growing up,
or... how did you meet?
KNOWLE
When I was a kid. She was my friend.
Went to the same boarding school as
me. We even went to the same college.
KIM
Never dated her?
KNOWLE
Hard to really tell. I was such
a player in high school and college.
(beat) But yeah, we did for a little while.In the background, a pool stick is thrown at Spender and yelling has begun between him and Krycek.
Skinner leans over the bar to refill his mug without Kim knowing.
KNOWLE (CON’T)
These feelings for her seem to have
just come out of nowhere. I mean, I’ve
Always had a place for her in my heart,
But nothing has ever happened.
KIM
You say she’s engaged?
KNOWLE
Yeah. She actually asked me
to come with her and a friend
to choose a wedding cake.
KRYCEK
(mad)
I was not cheating! You were!
SPENDER
(pissed)
Yes you were!
KRYCEK
(mad)
No! You’re the cheater!Krycek comes over to Kim, accidentally bumping into Knowle, who looks up at him with annoyance.
KRYCEK
Kim, gimme a refill.
SPENDER
You cheated!
KRYCEK
Oh shut up!Kim sets another beer mug in front of Krycek, and Krycek being Krycek, spills his beer all over Knowle. Some of it splatting on the camera lens.
KRYCEK
Oh shit!
KNOWLE
(angry)
What the hell are you doing?We see Krycek’s body freeze in fear when he sees that he just spilled his drink all over Knowle Rohrer – the man who hasn’t been nice to him since he met him.
KRYCEK
(panic)
I uh...Knowle stands. His massive, muscular, six foot, four inch, body towering over Krycek.
KNOWLE
(mad)
You.He finally realized who spilled the beer all over him.
KRYCEK
(scared and trying to hide it)
Hey, what’s up man?
KNOWLE
“What’s up?” That’s all you
have to say to me?Krycek pushes Knowle, hoping to knock the big guy off his feet. Unfortunately for Krycek, Knowle remains standing.
KRYCEK
Shit!Krycek turns to run away, but Knowle grabs him by the shoulder and stops him. Knowle turns Krycek around to face him. The commotion has gotten the attention of everyone in the bar... except for Skinner, who continues to drink beer to get himself drunk to help numb the pain of being out on the town with Krycek.
KNOWLE
Don’t run away, Pee-Wee. I’m
not done talking to you.
KRYCEK
(scared)
Lemme go!
KNOWLE
No. You have it coming asshole.
KRYCEK
(scared)
No I don’t! Help!
KNOWLE
You hurt Monica. You hurt my Marine
brother John and his girl. You’ve hurt
a lot of people, Pee-Wee. So yes, you
have it coming.Krycek throws a punch at Knowle.
KIM
(stern)
Krycek!
KNOWLE
(unaffected; to Kim)
It’s okay...Just when Krycek’s paranoia of being crushed by Knowle have faded, Knowle throws a mean right hook right into Krycek’s face.
The camera is suddenly picked up by Spender who wants to make sure this moment is captured on video for the replays!
Krycek falls to the ground with a bloody nose and quickly gets up.
KIM
Take it elsewhere guys!
KNOWLE
(assuring him)
I’ll pay for damages, Kim.
This shit has it coming.Krycek makes a run for him and tries to tackle him to the ground. But instead, his face meets Knowle’s fist... again. This is a battle that could be compared to Pee-Wee Herman vs. The Incredible Hulk, and Pee-Wee doesn’t have a chance.
The entire bar is into the fight, all wanting to see The Big Guy take out Pee-Wee.
KRYCEK
Aw fuck! I think you broke
my nose! You punk!
Knowle gets out of his fight position and relaxes.
KNOWLE
(“sympathetic”)
Aw... poor Pee-Wee.
RANDOM MAN IN CROWD
Get ‘im Big Guy!Krycek glares at Knowle and charges after him screaming. Before he’s even able to do anything to Knowle, Krycek is picked up and tossed over the bar. The bar goes wild with cheers.
Kim gives Knowle a look, he’s mad now.
KNOWLE
I’ll pay for it.
KRYCEK (O.S.)
Mommy!Kim looks down at Krycek, and can’t help but smile in amusement.
The camera makes its way over to the bar to peer over and see Krycek. Knowle walks out of the bar.
SPENDER
(behind camera)
Whoa! Man, you all right?The camera POV peers down at Krycek, who is in agonizing pain down on the floor. He’s curled up in a fetal position.
KRYCEK
(crying)
Get that camera off me!
I’m dying! Help me!
SPENDER
(amused)
Be a man, will you?! Geez!The camera shuts off.
CUT TO:
INT. ST. VINCENT’S HOSPITAL – NIGHT
The camera switches on in a busy waiting room and Skinner stands in front of the camera.
SKINNER
(slurred)
You gonna get him bein’
stitched up?Skinner looks over at the camera with a goofy grin, he’s a bit drunk.
SKINNER
(slurred)
Oh, why hello Mr. Camera.Skinner smiles like a doof.
SPENDER
(behind camera)
Of course, Walt.
SKINNER
(slurred)
Don’t call me dat... call
me... Mr. Clean.Skinner pats the top of his baldhead.
SPENDER
All right, Mr. Clean. Let’s go
see Krycek and laugh at him.
SKINNER
(slurred)
Can I give you a noogie?
SPENDER
No.Spender’s arm enters frame and turns Skinner around to face the door to leave the waiting room.
SPENDER
Walk that way, Mr. Clean.Skinner starts to walk in the direction Spender turned him to.
They walk down the hall and hear a high pitched scream coming from a room. Skinner turns to face the camera.
SKINNER
(slurred)
Sounds like Pee-Wee.Spender laughs.
SPENDER
Lets go in.Skinner opens the door to where they are stitching up Krycek.
KRYCEK (O.S.)
(loud)
OWIE! Watch it you punk!
DOCTOR (O.S.)
Hold still please.Skinner moves out of Spender’s view so the camera can get a shot of Krycek getting his forehead stitched up.
Krycek looks up at them.
KRYCEK
Oh come on! Turn the camera off!The doctor looks up at them.
DOCTOR
You really shouldn’t be in
here while we do this.
SPENDER
Aw c’mon, it’s for a video to give
his wife on their anniversary. It’s
for a gift. We’ll stay out of the way.
DOCTOR
I’m sorry, but you can’t
be in here gentlemen.
SKINNER
(slurred)
But I’m Mr. Clean.The doctor looks at Skinner like he’s crazy.
DOCTOR
You two need to leave now.He puts his hand over the camera lens.
DOCTOR
You need to leave before
I have security remove you.
KRYCEK
Yeah! Call security! Arrest them!CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
The camera cuts in on Spender reading “HIGHLIGHTS” magazine. The camera angle is up-side-down.
SKINNER
(slurred)
Jeffy... has anyone ever called
you Jiffy, like the peanut butter?Spender looks over at him.
SPENDER
(dead pan)
No. (beat) The camera is
up-side-down you idiot.
SKINNER
(slurred)
It’s inventive filming.Spender rolls his eyes and goes back to counting apples in “HIGHLIGHTS”.
The camera gets set down, looking up at Skinner who has forgotten the camera is running. Bright florescent hospital lights are above him, shining down on the camera lens. Spender is out of view.
SKINNER
(slurred)
So I wus thinkin’.
SPENDER (O.S.)
(not really paying attention)
Oh?
SKINNER
(slurred)
I should pick a fight to
show Kimmy I’m a man.
SPENDER (O.S.)
Is this about that bar fight?
SKINNER
Yes.
SPENDER
That wasn’t about a woman.
SKINNER
Yeah-huh... in a way. (beat) Krycek’s
responsible for hurtin’ someone that
big guy cares about.Spender leans into frame.
SPENDER
Wait, you want to fight?
SKINNER
Yeah, to show Kimmy I love her.Spender looks devious.
SPENDER
You could fight my bro.
SKINNER
Mulder?
SPENDER
(devious)
Yeah.
SKINNER
He is with Kimmy tonight.
SPENDER
(encouraging)
See, there ya go. It’s in the
stars. It is your destiny.Skinner smiles.
SKINNER
Yeah... Like Darth Vadar...Spender gives him a weird look.
KRYCEK (O.S.)
Let’s go! Gimme my camera.Spender picks up the camera and hands it over to Krycek, who is looking straight at it.
KRYCEK
(mad)
Hey! Who left it running. You’re
gonna waste my batteries!The camera turns to face the floor, and is shut off.
CUT TO:
EXT. KIM COOK’S DUPLEX – FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA – NIGHT
The camera angle is looking towards Kim Cook’s front door. Walter looks back at the camera and gives an enthusiastic thumbs up.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
What time is it?
SPENDER (O.S.)
A little after ten.
KRYCEK
Do you think he’s actually
going to fight with Mulder?
SPENDER
Probably.Skinner knocks on the door.
KRYCEK
(unsure)
I don’t know, should we stop
him? I really don’t know if
this is a good idea.
SPENDER
Shh... Mulder’s answered the door.The camera zooms in on Skinner and Mulder talking. It looks like Mulder is telling Skinner to leave. Kim comes up behind him and watches.
SKINNER
(slurred; heard from a distance)
I am not drunk!And that’s all it takes! Skinner punches Mulder, knocking him to the ground.
KIM
(mad; heard from a distance)
Walter!Krycek-cam and Spender run up to the house, just as Kim kneels down to check on Mulder. The camera gets a close up angle of Mulder. He’s got a bloody nose and looks disoriented.
SPENDER (O.S.)
Dude, Mulder, are you okay?
SKINNER (O.S.)
(slurred)
I’ll show him who’s boss!Kim looks up at Skinner with anger.
MULDER
(looks up at Skinner)
What the hell was that for?Mulder notices the camera and pauses for a moment, giving it bug-eyes. Why is there a camera here?
SKINNER
(slurred)
For Kimmy.Kim stands up out of frame.
KIM (O.S.)
(mad)
Get him some ice from the
kitchen and some tissues.Spender helps Mulder up off the floor. Krycek and his camera start to follow.
KIM (O.S.)
(pissed)
What is the matter with you?!The beginning of an argument catches Krycek’s attention, and he turns the camera on Skinner and Kim.
SKINNER
(slurred)
I love you, Kim.Kim glares at him. Though she’s much shorter than he, she has a great amount of intensity to her.
KIM (mad)
You love me?! Oh please, Walter!
This isn’t love! You’re drunk!
SKINNER
(slurred)
No! What do you know ‘bout it anyway?!Kim sighs, a headache coming to her.
KIM
I want you to leave, Walter. Now.
SKINNER
But I’ve hitched a ride
with Krycek-cam and his posse.Kim looks at him for a moment. She’s not amused.
KIM
What?! Who even talks like that? (beat)
You’re drunk, Walter. Leave. (beat) You’ve
done more than enough damage for one night.She starts to push him to the door. But something off screen catches Skinner’s attention and he pushes by Kim and Krycek-cam. Kim turns around quickly to see what he’s doing.
KIM
(mad)
Walter!A loud SMACK of a punch is heard O.S., causing the camera angle to quickly turn to see Skinner giving Mulder a third punch. In defense of himself, Mulder has to fight back.
KIM (O.S.)
Yes, I’d like to report a disturbance.
(beat) My ex has started to throw
punches at my friend. He’s drunk and I
can’t get him out. (beat) 8775-2
Grandview Lake. (bet) Thank you.Skinner and Mulder continue to battle it out. Mulder randomly dodging Skinner’s fist.
KIM (O.S.)
I’ve called the police, Walter. Stop it!Skinner knocks Mulder to the ground, continuing to beat him up.
SPENDER (O.S.)
Skinner! Hey man, stop!The camera cuts out.
CUT TO:
INT. KIM’S HOME – A FEW MINUTES LATER
Mulder is holding an ice pack on his eye and has a tissue stuffed up both nostrils of his nose. A cop steps into view, his back to the camera. The camera angle moves around the cop to get a better view.
MULDER
He just started to beat me up again.
COP
You did nothing to provoke him?
MULDER
That’s correct officer.The cop nods his head and writes something down in his notebook.
MULDER
I’m not going to press charges, but
I know Ms. Cook would like him removed.
COP
Yes, we’re taking care of that now.The cop turns and notices the camera.
COP
(to Krycek)
You didn’t happen to catch any
of this on tape, did you?
KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Yeah, got it all. Need it?
SKINNER (O.S.)
(slurred)
He started it!
COP
Yes.
KRYCEK
No problemo, Mr. Officer.The camera cuts out as it is handed over to the officer.
CUT TO:
INT. FALLS CHURCH POLICE DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
We cut into the Police Department on Spender, who is yawning. He is sitting in a chair, staring up at the lights in boredom.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Gives us a quick run down.
Spender looks over at the camera.
SPENDER
(dead pan)
Skinner’s been arrested, booked, bail set
and now we’re debating on whether or not to
pay his bail or let him sit behind bars for
the night. (beat) Then, our camera operator
here (he points to the camera) thinks we should
bail him out to see if we can get him to
propose for a third time to his other ex-girlfriend,
Dana Scully. (beat) Which I happen to think
would be pretty damn funny.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Oh, and just so everyone knows,
the last time we were on, it was
a little after ten at night. It is now...Krycek’s watch enters frame from behind the camera.
KRYCEK (CON’T)
Thirty-five after two in the morning.
SPENDER
Good thing it’s Saturday. (beat)
Let’s go see the Skinman.Spender gets up.
CUT TO:
EXT. JOHN DOGGETT’S HOUSE – BACKYARD – EARLY MORNING (STILL DARK)
All the lights are off in Doggett’s house. The camera is angled on Skinner and Spender.
SPENDER
We can’t just break in.
SKINNER
Sh... it won’t be breaking
in if we find a way to
unlock the door.
SPENDER
Haven’t we caused enough trouble
for one night. (beat) You’ve already
been caged once, Skinner.
KRYCEK
(behind camera)
Shut up, Spendie-wendie.
This is going to be funny.Spender glares at the camera.
SPENDER
I hope you get arrested.
SKINNER
I could unlock it if I go
through the doggie-door.Skinner bends down, the camera follows him.
SPENDER
Walter, really. You can’t fit
though a dog door.The camera shakes and we hear Spender get hit on the arm.
SPENDER
I’m serious, Krycek.
KRYCEK
This could be funny. Shut up.
SPENDER
We’re so going to get arrested.
KRYCEK
No we’re not. It’s John and Dana.
I know them.Skinner has his head through the dog door.
KRYCEK
(amused)
I love it when he’s drunk.
SPENDER
We are going to get our asses kicked.
(beat) We could loose our jobs. I know
you don’t care since you lost it, but I care.They hear Skinner giggle from inside. Spender looks down.
SPENDER
(irritated)
What now?
SKINNER
(muffled)
Buddy’s licking my nose.Spender tilts the camera up, away from Skinner, and looks into it.
SPENDER
I’m leaving.He starts to walk away.
KRYCEK
NO!The camera shuts off.
CUT TO:
INT. DOGGETT’S HOUSE
All the lights are out and the camera only picks up the silhouettes of the two men when they stand in front of the kitchen window.
SKINNER
(slurred)
See, that wasn’t hard once we
got me unstuck from the doggie-door.
SPENDER
I can’t believe you
dragged me into this.The lights in the kitchen turn on.
DOGGETT (O.S.)
(mad)
What the hell are you
doing in my house?The camera angle whirls around as we hear Krycek scream. We get a quick glimps of Doggett and Scully standing in the doorway to the kitchen as the camera falls to the ground with a CRASH. The lens cracks, having broken from the fall.
KRYCEK
Shit!The camera is picked up and then turned off to be looked over to make sure it isn’t broken.
CUT TO:
INT. DOGGETT’S LIVING ROOM
The camera fades in, the crack in the top left of the frame. We are close to Skinner and Scully. Skinner is down on one knee and Scully looks pained to see him do this to himself. Doggett stands behind Scully, leaning against a wall. He rubs his head in frustration.
DOGGETT
(irritated)
It’s after three in the morning. Leave.
SKINNER
Turtle, will you marry me?
SCULLY
(having said this a million times)
No Walter. I will not marry you.
SKINNER
Please?He pulls out the engagement ring he used twice with her before. The same ring he proposed to Kim Cook with, with “Turtle! Eek!” engraved on it.
DOGGETT
C’mon guys, just leave.
SKINNER
I’ve always loved you, Dana.
And I think you and I could
fix our problems.Scully sighs.
SCULLY
Walter, lets talk outside.She looks at the camera and then back at Skinner.
SCULLY
Away from the peanut gallery.Skinner nods his head. He and Scully head to the kitchen and out to the backyard.
SPENDER (O.S.)
Alex, give the camera a rest.
KRYCEK
Fine. I’ll go put it
in the car or something.The camera shuts off.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOGGETT’S HOUSE – BACKYARD
We are at the POV of hiding in bushes. Yeah, like Krycek would really put his camera away...
Scully and Skinner are standing near the house. Scully has hold of both his hands.
SCULLY
(soft)
Walter, I’m happy with John.
SKINNER
But we could fix us.
SCULLY
Walter, the only thing I want
fixed between us is our friendship.
(beat) I get uncomfortable around
you because I think you’re going to
hit on me or something.Skinner looks down.
SCULLY
Lord knows that being with
you would be easier, but-Skinner takes her statement the wrong way and leans in and kisses her. Scully doesn’t back away, and for a moment she thinks about how much easier it would be for her to forget and not deal with everything she’s been through at the Facility. With Skinner, she’d never have to face it because he doesn’t mean as much to her as John Doggett does.
Scully pulls away.
SCULLY
No, Walter.Skinner looks down at her.
SCULLY
No. It would be so much easier
with you for me to deal with
everything, but that’s only because
John means the world to me. (beat)
With you, there is no deep connection,
no deep emotion. That’s why it’d be easier
with you. With John I have to face those
emotions if the relationship is going
to work. I want it to work.
SKINNER
(soft)
I’m sorry... I thought you meant
you wanted to be with me when you said-
SCULLY
-The easy way won’t help me. (beat) I
with you would just realize that I only
want to be your friend. You know, go back
to the times when we would just be able
to hang out, watch movies, or something,
and I wouldn’t have to worry about ‘is he
going to hit on me?’, you know?Skinner nods his head.
SKINNER
I’m sorry. (beat) I haven’t been
thinking about what you need in
life. Heck, I don’t even know what
possessed me to propose to you for
a third time tonight.
SCULLY
You’ve had a little too much to
drink I think. (beat) And you’re having
a night out on the town with Krycek and Spender.Skinner looks at her and smiles. He’s starting to sober up since realizing how foolish he has been tonight.
SKINNER
I’m sorry.
SCULLY
I know. Apology accepted.
SKINNER
Are we friend again?
SCULLY
Yes, I’d like that.She smiles at him and gives him a hug.
SKINNER
You’re truly happy with John?
SCULLY
Yes. (beat) We’ve got some things
to work out, but I believe in us.
And I know he does too.
SKINNER
Good, because I want
you to be happy.Scully smiles.
SKINNER
You deserve it.
SCULLY
Thank you. (beat) How are things
coming along with Kim?Skinner lets out a heavy sigh.
SKINNER
After tonight... she’d have to
be insane to get back with me ever.
SCULLY
What happened?
SKINNER
Spender, Krycek and I with
a little too much to drink.Scully winces.
SCULLY
Now I’m scared.
SKINNER
I’m sure you’ll hear about it
all later... (beat) We should
get back in before Krycek starts
to think dirty thoughts.
Scully laughs.
SCULLY
We’re probably too late, knowing him.They head back inside.
CUT TO:
INT. RAVE NIGHT CLUB
The camera switches on and Krycek sits down in front of the camera. Skinner’s head is barely in the shot, laying on the table. He’s sleeping. Krycek leans down so the camera can get his face. Loud techno music is blaring, but the club seems dead.
KRYCEK
(to camera)
So, this has been an exciting night
out on the town. (beat) I got into a
pretty cool bar fight and beat the dude
up. Skinner got arrested for assaulting
Mulder. Then, he proposed to Scully. (beat)
But you know, this wouldn’t be a successful
night on the town with Krycek-cam if we
didn’t catch a little action...He winks at the camera.
KRYCEK
(devious)
And I know for a fact that our
boy Jeffrey Spender found himself
a hottie... and now... they are
nowhere in sight. (beat) C’mon,
let’s go find him.Krycek picks up the camera and starts to make his way across the almost empty dance floor, making his way to where the bathrooms are. Krycek’s hand enters frame and quietly sneaks into the men’s restroom, hearing sex noises and moans.
INT. BATHROOM – CON’T
Sure enough, Krycek-cam catches Spender with his pants down with a hot brunette.
KRYCEK
(from behind camera)
Ooooh... well lookie what we have here.Spender looks over at Krycek and his camera. He is pissed.
SPENDER
Turn that damn thing off!
KRYCEK
No way man. She’s hot!
WOMAN
(seductive)
Want to join us?
KRYCEK
Hell yeah!
SPENDER
Hell no!Spender leaves the woman, pulling up and zipping his pants. He goes over to Krycek.
SPENDER
Give me the god damned camera.
KRYCEK
No!
SPENDER
Give it to me!Spender’s hand covers the lens and he tries to pry the camera out of Krycek’s hands.
KRYCEK
But Krycek-cam has to get some action!
SPENDER
Turn the damn thing off! (beat)
That’s it! I’m kicking you out
of the apartment! I’ve had enough of you!
KRYCEK
You can’t do that!
SPENDER
Yes, I can! Go live in a
fucking dumpster or something!The camera drops to the floor and cuts out.
CUT TO:
EXT. DUMPSTER – EARLY MORNING
The camera gets switched on, and all we see is a close up of a black garbage bag covering the lens.
KRYCEK (O.S.)
Ow!The bag moves to reveal Krycek sitting in a dumpster, his knees up to his chest. He’s obviously been sleeping. Mulder’s face peers over the edge of the dumpster and down at Krycek.
MULDER
(curious)
Alexander?Krycek looks up at Mulder.
KRYCEK
What?
MULDER
Why are you in a dumpster?
KRYCEK
Spender kicked me out.
I’m homeless.Mulder crawls into the dumpster and sits next to Krycek, putting his arm around him.
KRYCEK
I’m sorry for everything. (beat)
For lying, for betraying, for
not stopping Skinner for beating
you up. I don’t want you to hate
me any more. You’re my bestest buddy.
MULDER
You hurt a lot of people, Alexander.
KRYCEK
(on the verge of crying)
I know and I feel bad about that,
but it seems no one is giving me
a second change. (beat) I mean, one
of John and Monica’s friends beat me
up and tossed me over a bat last
night. I don’t feel I have anyone
on my side but my Marita Lynn.
Mulder sighs.
MULDER
Alexander... I’m on your side.
I don’t like being mad at you
either. (beat) You can come back
and live with me if you want to.Krycek wipes a tear away.
“LOW BAT” starts to blink on the camera indicating the camera battery is almost out.
KRYCEK
Thanks.Mulder and Krycek hug.
KRYCEK
So we’re buddies again?
MULDER
Buddies forever if I
can kiss you.
KRYCEK
Ew! No! You can’t kiss me!
MULDER
Please? We’re buddies.
KRYCEK
No!Mulder leans into Krycek with his lips puckered, just as the camera cuts out:
LOW BATTERY
Please let us know what you thought of the episode.